Is the timing wrong or is he just not interested?


Home Forums Did He Lose Interest? Is the timing wrong or is he just not interested?

This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Scarlet 2 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #736247 Reply

    Dolores

    I met a guy on tinder. My intention was to hook up before taking this 1 month long trip to my hometown. We hooked up and after we really clicked. We laughed and cuddled and he said he wanted to see me again I said I had fun to and would like to see him again but I was leaving for a month. He texted me the first week I was on my trip but just a Hi never a real attempt at a conversation. He would forget to answer a text and then say sorry the next day. He kept texting after that but his communication has been really inconsistent after that 1st week. After not hearing from him for 4 days I decided to reach out say Hey since he had started most of the conversation before then. He replied that he missed my bod. At this point I asked if that is all he missed. He said that were just friends and its too soon to know if we can be anything else. I said I know but friends talk and do other things and its jut not about sex so I just wanted to be clear. Now I know that you’re not supposed to expect more from a hook up but I don’t know this just felt different. I haven’t heard from him since that conversation 4 days ago and I still have 2 weeks left on my trip. I can take a hint and I understand that he can’t know about me after one night even though I was sure I liked him.I also know I shouldn’t have any expectations but a part of me hopes that we can get to know each other after I come back and maybe the timing is wrong. Should I wait until I come back and try to pick things up again or just not even try and never speak to him again?

    #736258 Reply

    T from NY

    It’s incredibly abundantly clear he is just looking for sex from you. It’s not bad. Sex is awesome. He’s not a weirdo for wanting it. And obviously he enjoyed being physical with you. As for more — if I’m wrong, and hes interested — he HAS your number and knows about when you get back. He will be in contact. Though to be clear — he may just want to hook up.

    Let a man lead. It’s the only way to know their true interest. Don’t have casual sex if you can’t deal with no relationship attached to it. Remember — women think most clearly BEFORE sex. While men think most clearly AFTER.

    #736263 Reply

    Aca

    Maybe you should stop having random hookups if you keep on getting clingy and expecting a relationship to come out of it. You say ‘we clicked’ but nothing from his texts and communication seems to indicate he thinks the same. Not everyone is built for sex with no emotions attached especially many women. Aim higher and respect yourself better. Some men may be comfortable having hookups with women but not necessarily having long term relationships with these women.

    #736265 Reply

    Sisi

    Say you have a car you want to sell… you listed it at $500… A potential buyer showed up… After the test drive, you wanted $50,000….

    Guess what the potential buyer will tell you? That is pretty much you can expect from this guy here..

    Going forward, always always start your asking price at $50,000…. you can later come down to $500, or even $0…

    #736270 Reply

    Jackie

    Love the analogy, Sisi! 👍🏼

    #736417 Reply

    tammy

    hahaha..like the analogy..

    #736418 Reply

    tammy

    btw your heading is all wrong. you met the guy for a random hookup.. and he took you up on it. you then got weird and started talking about relationships. he must be wondering huh? where did this come from. if you text him again and talk about another hookup, he may start showing interest again. but do note this interest is in hooking up with you. as the lady said, if you want relationships take a little time.

    #736423 Reply

    anon

    “We hooked up and after we really clicked. We laughed and cuddled and he said he wanted to see me again”

    This is how most hook ups go. I would expect nothing less from a hook up than some laughter and cuddling afterwards, and most of us say “do it again some time” if only to be polite. It’s not about timing. Or even him not being “interested” in more of the same. He may well grow into a relationship, but guys don’t bond via texting.

    #736661 Reply

    Dolores

    So I want to comment again. I did not initiate a conversation with this guy after we hooked up. This guy was texting me for a full week knowing we could not hook up because i was out of town. I only initiated when he disappeared for 4 days.I don’t think this was needy or clingy. Also after we hooked up he talked about meeting my friends and hanging out more doing things that were not sex.I am ok with hook ups what confuses me is the sweet talk followed by a vanishing act. So I just asked cause I wanted to be clear. I am not naive he was ambiguous.

    #736670 Reply

    sisi

    he was not ambiguous, he was very clear…. you are his booty call…

    You claimed to be fine w hookup, but expected GF treatment… That is the only problem here…

    #736772 Reply

    Dani

    Dolores
    Hi. You were not clingy. One text does make clingy! I wish people would stop with that.

    I don’t think you are naive. You can know the “typical” course a hook up can take and accept if that is how it goes. Even if a part of you changes gears afterwards and would like to see if anything could come out of it, that doesn’t mean you are banking on that as a done deal just because you had sex. I’ve been attracted to a hook up after the fact for the idea of more than sex. That didn’t mean I wasn’t aware. It just meant I thought it would be nice if it went that way but I would also accept it and be just fine if it didn’t. Only you know if you can strike that balance and not let a possibility consume you.

    As for making the statement to him that friends do other things… and? It’s true. Friends do other things. You said nothing that wasn’t in response to what he said. You weren’t sobbing or begging him for why. You made a factual statement. My view is that it doesn’t matter if the guy said those things “in the moment” or just to be polite. If his follow up actions support him having just said those things, then it’s your choice what you do. You can decide you know all you need to know and be done or you can say something like you said. So what that you contacted him? He had been contacting you. It’s your decision if you are ok with a guy’s reason for his contact, whatever it may be. He engaged and you clarified your thoughts IN THE CONTEXT of that exchange. Yes, an EXCHANGE, you know, that thing where the other person is present in some form? You weren’t sending messages into the ether praying they’d find their way to him. Also, clarifying your thoughts does not mean you “fell for sweet talk” without knowing it could have been just sweet talk. It means you are stating your thoughts in a mature and calm way.

    “Let him lead” does not mean walk on eggshells or censor yourself for whatever he wants or else you just blew it all to bits. If saying friends do more induces a panic attack in him, well guess he should be more careful about what he says, shouldn’t he? Your right to express yourself in a respectful and calm way is not dependent upon his reaction.

    Ok, so now that all that is out of the way… more can grow out of sex/hook up. You liking it to isn’t the question since you know your thoughts. Him wanting it to is. If he does, he will decide doing “friend” things as well is comfortable for him. It’s your choice if you want to keep a piece of your mind open to it. If you aren’t able to without letting the idea of waiting or making excuses for him consume you, then it would be better to not let it turn into a mental drain on you. Otherwise, you will know what feels right for you. “Right” as in… is this something that causes you to feel bad or anxious more than it does good?
    Go by that.
    Best wishes :)

    #736776 Reply

    Jenny

    “January 15, 2019 at 8:54 pm#736265REPLY

    Sisi
    Say you have a car you want to sell… you listed it at $500… A potential buyer showed up… After the test drive, you wanted $50,000….

    Guess what the potential buyer will tell you? That is pretty much you can expect from this guy here..

    Going forward, always always start your asking price at $50,000…. you can later come down to $500, or even $0…”

    Actually she can change her mind if she wants to and put her standards up after the fact.

    But he has the choice to take it or leave it.

    I had ex FWB who more than once told me he didn’t want relationship and was not ready for it.
    I was in love with him and all I wanted was his time.
    He use to give the bare minimum.
    He broke my heart more than once, I left him in the end.
    5 months now I have not seen him.
    For the last 3 months he has begging to get with me.
    Promising me everything I ever wanted and more.
    He never bought me things, now he wants to buy everything and anything. Relationship too. And now I am the one saying “I don’t want it, I am not ready for it”
    So yeah girl can change her mind for the better.

    #736956 Reply

    Scarlet

    You wanted a hook up which is exactly what you got. It’s very very rare that a relationship blossoms after a book up and from his lack of effort it’s crystal clear that’s not what he wants!

    A) why are you wasting your time on a trip thinking about this and b) there’s plenty more fish in the sea!!!

    Perhaps when you get back and decide to date again avoid hooking up so early if you want a relationship.

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