Is our age difference bumming him out?

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This topic contains 23 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #739197 Reply


    Okay guys,

    I met a guy this time last year, let’s call him “Jack.” We clicked instantaneously and were almost inseparable. But there is a significant age difference. He is in his mid-twenties and I am in my early 30s. The age difference doesn’t concern me in the slightest. However, I am use to being pursued, and I think the age difference prevented him from taking definitive, overt romantic steps in my direction. There were sweet moments shared between us, but all in the context of friendship and it never really ‘took off’ romantically. In hindsight, I suppose I could have taken the initiative, though it’s really not my style.

    Anyway, while Jack was briefly away on vacation part of last summer, I decided to stop ‘waiting’ for him to make a move, and I went on a date with someone else in our extended friend circle. It was a one-off, and I never ended up on a second date with that person and never felt the need to bring it up to Jack because it wasn’t serious/ necessary. But someone else ended up telling him, within my hearing, and he looked betrayed :-/. Within a few short weeks, Jack brought around a girl to a gathering/ soiree I helped to organize, and introduced her as his “girl friend.” I was devastated. All of my friends assured me that it was a knee-jerk reaction to what had happened, but it didn’t make me feel any better. I ended up going on vacation to visit a different part of the country shortly after that, and I never came back.

    I’m not going to say that the fallout was a motivating factor behind my relocation, because it wasn’t, however, I would have been less whimsical in my decision-making had I known there was a possibility for he and I to have something beyond our special friendship. Now with the girlfriend in the picture, I believed the opportunity had passed and that possibility no longer existed.

    Fast forward several months to yesterday evening when Jack reaches out to me, completely out of the blue, to let me know that he had broken up with his girlfriend earlier that day. He also wanted to know when I was coming back for a visit, and kept emphasizing how much misses me. I don’t know exactly what to make of this turn of events, but I am actually hesitant to get my hopes up and to read more into it than is actually there. We really haven’t had much contact since I left, apart from him stalking me on social media, liking all my pictures, watching all my IG stories, etc. So to hear from him after all this time, and for his immediate “news” to be that he just ended his relationship seemed a bit curious to me. What’d you think?

    #739204 Reply

    Better off single

    Would you want to continue talking to him and just let it unfold naturally?

    #739212 Reply


    I think…
    You’ve posted about him twice… You’re going to call him-

    #739215 Reply


    I felt this original posting was a bit long and unnecessary and wouldn’t get much attention, which is why I abbreviated it and posted it again elsewhere. To answer your question though, I would like to catch up with him and feel things out. It would be nice to foster the friendship again, because that part was always great to begin with. But honestly, I have moved on in so many ways. I literally moved to a different state months ago and have been dating men here… men my age. I kind of feel like it’s not the time to be looking in the past but to look toward the future. But who knows. If we begin to maintain a healthy friendship and he has time to grow up a bit and mature, I may be open to other possibilities in the future. I guess I’m kind of wondering what to do if he spills his guts from the gate…. should I turn him down flat or give him a chance?

    #739217 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    Oh, God, this is a trainwreck. You are a dreamer. Hope you don’t have kids.

    Developeing a friendship? Baloney, you are ready to make this guy your whole world. You are in love with him. All that mature stuff you spout is baloney.

    #739218 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    Are you insane? If he spills his guts? Meaning if he says he still loves you?

    He just broke up with his girlfriend yesterday… !!

    You honestly hope to take one look at each other and instantly….

    At least be honest with yourself

    #739221 Reply

    Better off single

    Oh my goodness Annie wth is wrong with being a dreamer? She’s not the only one.

    “I have moved on in so many ways. I literally moved to a different state months ago and have been dating men here… men my age. I kind of feel like it’s not the time to be looking in the past but to look toward the future.”

    Keep moving forward hun.

    “I guess I’m kind of wondering what to do if he spills his guts from the gate…. should I turn him down flat or give him a chance?”

    Tell him exactly how you feel about it. LDR- does that sound appealing to you?

    #739224 Reply


    Anne Ohio – you crack me up!!!!

    Better Off Single – Yes, I think I am going to continue to focus on my life here and enjoy it. We’ll see how it goes ‘reconnecting’ with each other and if there’s still a spark. It’s important though that we both be honest about our feelings, whether past or present, so that no one gets hurt by our “friendship” again. Under the right circumstances, I could do a LDR. But he and I are a long way from having that conversation yet!!! Thanks for your input :-)

    #739234 Reply


    Did you say you were in your mid 30s? You sound like you are 25. It is time to wake up!

    Your Jack has another 25 years to spare, you have 3-5.

    So how much time are you prepared to waste on this young dude?

    Clicking icons on social media requires no effort whatsover, unless you know for sure that he is NOT clicking on anyone else’s pictures and stories, that you are the only person he clicks on, you should not be attributing any weight to this.

    Playing with emotions would backfire. You will not be free and eager to meet someone else, you can “miss” the right guy. “friendship” is a denial in this case, it is too soon, and he just broke up with his girlfriend, so he wants his “mommy” to help him feel better about himself.

    #739241 Reply

    Betta off single

    OMG Emma. What if he is the right guy?

    If not, no time is wasted. She didn’t “miss out” on anything. You can still have healthy babies in your 40’s. You can still meet someone in your 40’s.

    If anything it could be a fun fling to scratch the whole “What if” itch.

    Why do you like tearing people apart like that?

    #739244 Reply


    I’m not sure which is worse;
    Slut shaming or Emma’s age shaming…

    #739278 Reply


    Seriously Raven, “age shaming”? How creative. You haven’t heard of menopause? Polyps, fibroids, miscarriages? Give me a break plz.

    #739298 Reply


    Age does not matter. If it is right it is good. See where it goes.

    #739299 Reply


    This Jack sounds familiar to me too. Youre letting important clues about your past interactions slide. You say it never took off romantically and you blame age for that. I dont think age has anything to do with it, its simply a case of he os mot that into you. Your gut was telling you that, so you went on another date. Maybe he was gutted, maybe he was not but he made sure the next woman he was seeing he was calling an actual gf. And from what youre saying you and him never reached that level. Now he is not doing anything except asking you to come over. How easy is that?
    Yeah you are seeing signs that are not there. Its a good thing you took off, to shake off your love feelings for him. Continue with that and go date local guys. Best of luck

    #739304 Reply


    Yes Emma…
    All you do is shame these girls & women about aging!

    There is nothing wrong with aging! Menopause is natural & is going to happen.

    Polyps, fibroids, miscarriages need a Dr’s attention!

    #739311 Reply


    But Raven, aren’t we all supposed to be ensnaring a man to fulfil our sole purpose of procreation so we can live a full and satisfied life, Barbara Cartland stylee? Or is it not the 50s any more….? ;-)

    #739314 Reply


    Age an make a difference, but not in the way Emma describes.

    Someone in their 20’s is at a very different point in life than someone in mid 30’s.
    My first marriage I was 24 and husband was 34. It was fine except for the fact that he was already established career wise and what he wanted in life. By the time I hit my 30’s, I was not the same person. So we grew apart because as I grew into me, we no longer were a good fit for each other. The 20’s is the decade of finding yourself.

    If you were 40’s and he was 30’s, it might have been a whole different game because you both are likely established and it’s a matter of compatibility, etc.

    I think it’s naive for a man or a woman in their 30’s and beyond to think they can create a meaningful relationship with a 20 something year old. It’s not the rule 100 percent of the time, but it’s a good bet that about 80 percent of the time it probably will end up failing for the reasons I cited.

    #739318 Reply


    Exactly Louise!

    #739320 Reply


    No offense hun but I’m in that pre meno pause crap, look great. Never had a polyp or miscarriage. My guess is you have had all of those. Some women age better than others.

    #739352 Reply


    Im sure most women in the world know biology and how long they are furtile in general. Im sure most of them also have a vague to clear notion if they want a family or not. To keep pointing out an age and time line is assuming these women are stupid and clueless and i doubt that is the case

    #739375 Reply

    T from NY

    I have been pointing out Emma’s ageists, demeaning and antiquated comments for many months. I am so happy to see others balking at her rigid, shaming views.

    Women are not dumb. We know when our best child bearing years are. And yes sometimes it is appropriate if a woman wants children but is in a dead-end relationship to point out it would be unwise to stay.

    But to believe that all men only want younger is ABSURD and blatantly not true. I have had significant relationships (while in my 40s) with men in their 20s, 30s AND 40s. NONE of those relationships ended due to age. (Though admittedly the guy in his 20s was silly of me lol) And all of them shared with me that a huge factor in why they were interested was specifically due to my age (with my looks which is of course a given)

    It is more important to be living your best life, looking your best because men are undoubtedly visual creatures, and make choices in all your relationships that best support and manifest your deepest desires.

    WORRYING about age or things you cannot control is a co-dependent, un-evolved, unhealthy, out dated, soul shaming detrimental practice. Screw that. Celebrate you! and get to work on what you can improve.

    #739449 Reply


    I’m curious to know why you assume every woman wants to have children, Emma? That assumption isn’t even close to factual. Come to think of it, so many of your assumptions aren’t even remotely close to factual.

    All you do is repeatedly bring up age as a way to shame. Putting “lol” after your inane insults doesn’t make them okay. Constantly telling women they are lacking seems to bring you perverse satisfaction.

    It’s not that I don’t want to accept or am offended by all the things you love to harp on about age, it is simply that you talk out your a$$ 99.9999999999% of the time. You think you know exactly how everything works. You don’t.

    I have a long time until I hit 40 and I can’t stand your ridiculous and degrading views even though they don’t apply to me (YET). That’s how offensive you are.

    #739453 Reply


    you dint say you hesitated bec of the age gap. you said he had misgivings. and that also over just an 8 year gap. hes not ready mentally to date older women. hes not open minded. and I have already written in your other post. I don’t think this will ever work. both of you have a mental block about the age gap. and I think anything within a 10 year gap should be fine. but it wont work between you guys bec its not fine between you guys. what shouldn’t have been an issue was an issue. I wonder how you guys would handle when faced with the real issues? besides you would want to think of babies within the next 3/4 years if you want them. and I don’t think he would be ready… its not going to work. but I think you wont pay heed. so go ahead.

    #739454 Reply


    I don’t get it. why are women not posting their views very simply and in a straight forward manner. why are the posters tearing each other apart? so silly. why are we acting like moral compass for all? we all have difrnt opinions based on the place we come from, our upbringing, exposure to the world, our culture, our education, our thinking process etc etc. let the OP figure what suggestions she can resonate with and act on it or not. why are all the ladies posting against each other. If Emma is old school thought than that’s fine. if her issues are not issues for the today woman than that’s fine too. The OP can figure what makes sense to her the most.

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