Is it over for good ????


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Is it over for good ????

This topic contains 34 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Kathy 3 months ago.

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  • #702538 Reply

    Sammy

    I had massive fight with FWB – he is more of a friend than anything else.
    But on Sunday I was really stressed out and while he was online I send him a message. He off line without messaging me back.

    I then deleted the messages.

    He then messaged me an hour later – asking why I deleted the messages.

    I said he didn’t deserve any messages from me.
    He said he was driving and replied to me when he stop driving.

    I didn’t believe him and told him so – and said he should stop with the bs and get out of my life. I wish him good life without them.
    He said he didn’t anything wrong and if that’s how I feel then fine.

    I haven’t heard from since and I haven’t messaged him.

    But I liked our friendship.
    We did kinda have up and down situationship.

    But I feel this time it’s gone for good. But deep down I don’t want to.

    And I am don’t go back and message him.
    What are the chance of him coming back?



    #702541 Reply

    Hannah

    Do you normally get upset with all your friends if they don’t reply straight away? Don’t your other friends get upset with that too?

    This sounds like a lot of drama for a FWB. Why didn’t he deserve the messages?

    #702540 Reply

    L

    Sounds like PMS to me.

    #702549 Reply

    Sammy

    Hannah because I was asking over and I used the words we use I normally use when I want him over and clearly he see that coming and saw what my message contact yet decided to avoid it.

    So that pissed me off

    #702551 Reply

    Sammy


    Why is so hard to type in this place

    I meant; Hannah because I was asking Over him used the words I normally use when I want him over and clearly he saw that coming through and saw what my message contained yet decided to avoid it.

    So that pissed me off and I felt he didn’t deserve me as fwb

    The sad thing is I will miss him as friend than anything else.

    And yes probably I would get piss with my other friends if they did something similar but it never happened before

    #702556 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Words said in the heat of anger cannot be easily taken back. And as you said now, you did not mean it.

    Maybe if you apologize you will get him back…or maybe not.

    You can try and if he misses you too then he will forgive you and come back.

    My mama always told me to think twice before I say or do things in anger that I may regret later.

    #702560 Reply

    kaye


    To me it sounds like you’re the kind of person who when they are stressed out you take it out on others. That’s not an attractive feature. You message him, he doesn’t get back to you right away so you delete the messages, tell him he doesn’t deserve them and then call him a liar when he says he was driving. Then you tell him to get out of your life. Would you want a friend who acted like you did?

    He’s absolutely right he didn’t do anything wrong… you treated him like crap because you were stressed!! This is where you apologize for acting the way you did. If you don’t then this is over for good. Why would he come back to someone who treats him this way? Here he is minding his own business probably driving down the road and once he gets back to you this is how you act? Who wants to deal with this? I would dump a “friend” who treated me this way.

    #702566 Reply

    Joe

    @kaye – You made good points and great comments!!!

    #702571 Reply

    peggy

    I agree with Kaye and Joe-not to mention,texting while driving is dangerous. People have killed someone or died themselves,texting,taking selfies etc.behind the wheel. You sound immature and not considerate that people are busy for a bit and their life is not “all about you”. This may stem from insecurity, maybe, but you need to cut it out. Just my take.

    #702596 Reply

    Emma

    The funny part, I guarantee he will be back. LOL Men do love bitches.

    Sammy, do nothing, and you will hear from him again. Give it a couple of weeks. I promise he will contact you again.

    I think you want things to be more romantic than they are. But you can’t be really good friends and have sex. You can be buddies and have sex. But he is more than a buddy to you.

    After a few weeks of silence, when he contacts you again, you can talk heart to heart. To keep his friendship you need to stop sleeping with him.

    #702598 Reply

    Jane

    Men get to the point where even if they are getting NSA sex from you, the drama/crazy factor gets too high and they go away and don’t look back. Just don’t say anything else. He may come back around later or not, depending on if he’s fed up and has better things to do with his time and other prospects.

    #702639 Reply

    Sammy

    Why was he online if he was driving? It doesn’t make sense.

    Although I still don’t be believe he was driving.

    I do understand now that I’ve overeated.

    And due what I said, it’s hard to for me to go back on it and apologise. And I think he is done with me. It’s just shame he was a good friend to me.

    #702754 Reply

    Sammy

    So after long hard thinking; I decided to woman and apologise.
    Although I did say to him, I don’t expect anything back his reply did disappoint me and even hurted a little as all I got was “thanks”

    #702759 Reply

    kaye

    Good for you!! Don’t be hurt. He responded and you opened the doors of communication. Just give him some time to forgive you and get in touch. Don’t force yourself on him at this point.

    #702764 Reply

    Lane

    I would not be ready to fully forgive if a guy did that to me! A few years ago my FWB pulled something similar, not as bad as what you did but it was enough for me to stop talking to him even after he apologized for about a week or so. He was wanting more than I could give and was his way of trying to manipulate me into showing I loved him I guess but it backfired because I truly only wanted what we had…a temporary companionship.

    He pulled another one a few months later and that was the end for me—-I was done! You really need to tray him like you would any ‘friend’. If a female friend was online and didn’t repod and drop everything to meet you for a drink because you had a tough day at work would you have flipped out like that? If so, then you may lose a lot of friends if you treat them that way.

    #702780 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Maybe you never stopped to realize how self-absorbed and demanding you sound, but I think you were way out of line.

    Just because we all have access to 24/7 communication via texting and social media, it does not mean we have the right to expect others to drop everything and respond immediately, or exactly when we want.

    His reason for not responding more quickly sounds completely reasonable. You say he was a good friend to you, but you don’t sound like a good friend to him.

    Contrary to what many women think, a man will not come back for sex, even if it’s readily accessible, if you disrespect them, especially if they have any self-esteem and standards.

    I don’t know why you don’t believe him, unless he has a history of lying to you. If he does, then you need to redefine what a “good” friend is.

    Whether he comes back or not, I hope you use this experience to re-evaluate how you treat people, and to walk away/cool off before popping off with a nasty response, meant only in the heat of the moment.

    That is how you learn maturity.

    I may sound harsh, but I’m just hoping you see this is meant to help you look at this from another perspective.

    #702824 Reply

    mee mee

    Hi Sammy
    I read your thread, and i suggest to you to found another one. If he interested with you, he will fast respond your text just only ” wait, i’m on way or bla bla bla something like that.
    Visit this site girlstravelling(dot)com, there is you will find many new friend or someone that only listen your friend or just for fun. I used this site once,and i found new one that changed my dating life.

    #702890 Reply

    Sammy

    Thanks ladies I appreciate and I am taking on all in.

    Question is a positive thing, I put a status up today and he was the first to view it within 4 mins?
    Should I take that as him still thinking of me or him just being nosy lol :(

    #702896 Reply

    anon

    IMO, he is just a friend, he sees you as a friend. Yet you treated him as a boyfriend when you got demanding. Maybe he is back to seeing you as a friend, yet you are analyzing this like a romantic relationship.

    For example, I have a guy friend. He cancelled lunch on me and hasn’t followed up. He’s a friend. I know in a few weeks life will settle and he will text me and we will get lunch. We will catch up about life. I like him. We even made out once. But we are just friends. So I’m not a priority for him, nor is he a priority for me. He likes my FB stuff when he is online. But TBH, I really don’t think about him most days.

    This guy- your FWB- you are wanting him to make you a priority, respond quickly, support you during stress. HE DOESN’T WANT THAT SITUATION. If he did, he’d be your boyfriend.

    I’d say the social media post likes are just a friend on social media liking your post. It’s not a sign of anything.

    #702898 Reply

    Sammy

    Anon we are very much accepted we just friends with benefits but when it comes to complicating daily, he does it more than I do, and if I don’t reply his messages even when it doesn’t need a reply, he would ask why, or if I don’t message a day he would why I am quite, he normally on his each pockets.

    #702899 Reply

    anon

    So you both have basically complicated it. “just friends” don’t take slow communication personally. Friends recognize that sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, we aren’t the priority.

    Maybe you two just need to talk and see if maybe a relationship is the better choice right now.

    #702903 Reply

    Sammy

    Anon, we can never be more than fwb, I rather not go into it but that’s how it is. And it’s from both of us. We both know we will one day meet someone else to spare our lives with. But we do have special connection that we don’t leave each alone, well until this week which is such shame.

    Also he has two jobs which has been stressing him too so I think we both are overly tired at the moment emotionally and physically.

    And this is not our first time arguing and normally I get too personal and start calling him names or saying mean hurtful things which he probably had enough of it.

    And I know if I message now he will be polite and reply but it will be cold so I don’t wanna do that.

    I am hoping he will come to on his own terms. Which he had done before when we have fallen out.

    #702909 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Everyone has their breaking point. If, as you say, you’ve fought dirty in the past and intentionally insulted and name called, eventually it gets real old.

    Depending on how rude you were previously, he may have decided this is the final straw. Most people with healthy boundaries probably probably would not have tolerated this after the first time.

    You can use this as a learning experience for how to practice self-discipline and the art of fighting “fair”.

    Fighting the way you describe speaks of immaturity and lack of self control. Both are things it would be helpful for you to learn to master. It will not only affect your relationships, but many other aspects of your life if you don’t address it.

    I hope you really see this as a “wake-up call” and do some work on you.

    #702910 Reply

    Sammy

    Phillygirl Unfortunately that’s one of my worst quality and something I do recognise I have and I have tired in the past to control it but it does over take me sometimes when I get annoyed or I feel I have been wronged.

    So yes he could’ve probably decided he had enough or probably thinking I had enough of him too it was me who ended things.

    At the moment I am just hoping he will miss me and will wanna see me, but knowing his current situation it’s very unlikely.

    #702917 Reply

    Phillygirl


    The fact you recognize and acknowledge this is a big step! Sometimes we can’t resolve these things on our own, we need help.

    It is not weak to need or ask for help, it shows strength.

    I’d like to suggest you look into some counseling to help you with this. You will still need to do the hard work to change your habits, but if you have an unbiased person who can guide and correct you, and congratulate you as you make steps in the right direction, your chances of success are much better.

    I hope you consider it…

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