Is it over before it’s even begun!?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 1 year ago.

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  • #750185 Reply


    So a guy I liked for years but had a girlfriend (then they split up) messaged me on a dating website. I was so happy! We had some small talk over the app but he’d take soooo long to respond.

    2 weeks later we met for a coffee. Afterwards, no text…. I sent a message to say it was great to see him and would love to see again. He took 4 days to respond to it and send me an apology message for the delay. I texted him again yesterday but now I feel so clingy so just gonna wait for him to do it now.

    So we’ve only got back in touch 3 weeks ago, I got my hopes up cause I really liked him but if he actually liked me would he be already organising an actual date (instead of coffee) or at least sending me messages?

    Is this normal in the very early stages? Could things change over the next few weeks?

    #750189 Reply


    He is not interested in you romantically. Quit throwing yourself at him and look for someone else to date.

    #750191 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    No kidding, stop chasing him. Taking four days to respond is a strong message. Would you wait four days to respond if you really liked a guy? No, because that would signal him you are not interested.

    #750192 Reply


    It doesn’t sound like he’s interested- sorry…
    Besides, you don’t want to be a rebound.

    #750196 Reply


    Sorry but this guy isn’t interested.

    If he was he would be reaching out for actual date.

    His lack of response is probably in hopes that you will back off and get the hint.

    He’s not the only guy out there, move on.

    #750199 Reply


    But why would he be like this from his very first message he initiated??

    #750204 Reply


    Maybe you’re assuming this is the way he is since he has been taking long to respond from the beginning. And also it does exist that some guys takes a while to respond and dont really do the texting much. However, he just came out of a long year relationship. My best guess is he is trying to put himself out there again and you’re probably not the only girl he is fishing for. But if he had a bigger interest in you he would be giving you more of that attention for sure and proposing to meet up often. Not responding you days later and not even asking you out. He lacks interest. Plus it’s highly unlikely he is looking for something serious at this time.

    #750210 Reply


    have you tried sexting or sending nudes to him to show him you got what he wants?

    #750225 Reply


    SWm- what a stupid and tacky suggestion. She is not looking for a hook-up…

    #750245 Reply


    Men process breakups much differently than women do. He hasn’t even started to deal with the break up yet, as men go through stages the same way they fall in love and fall out of love. He’s in the ‘single phase’ (aka ‘rebound’) and will chase anything that has boobs and strokes his broken ego. He will then go through a reflection phase for awhile (weeks or months determined by many different factors) by pulling back and start thinking about the ex, the good memories they shared , the reason they broke up back and start the process of moving into the final stage of accepting its over and there’s no going back.

    Until the man has gone through the stages its best to leave recently broken men alone even if they come across as excited and normal, they are not and secretly dealing with an internal war. They may APPEAR to be fine but they are not as men are super good at hiding it and dealing with it themselves v. a woman who deals with it immediately after the break up, talks about it, vents to her gal pals and in doing so heals much quicker than a man who puts it off, pretends he’s fine, and then deals with aftermath later.

    One of my guy friends was going through one recently and I didn’t even know it because he acted and appeared perfectly normal! He felt the urge to open up to me one day and told me what he was feeling and this was many months AFTER the break up and it was only a four month relationship! Every guy grieves differently but if the guy was dumped, like he was, it usually takes them twice as long to heal so that’s a red flag a woman should take into consideration as to their emotional readiness after a breakup, especially if it was recent (less than six months to a year).

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