Is it ok to ask what happened?

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Better off single 10 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #372505 Reply


    I went on 3 dates with a guy who I grew to really like…all 3 dates lasted about 6 hours, we had lots of fun, got on really well. Were attracted to one another, said how much we enjoyed eachothers company.. Had chemistry, sexual and intellectual.. And had a lot in common

    I am really fussy when it comes to men and he’s basically my ideal man. He initiated all 3 dates and initiated most contact. I was alwats really responsive and friendly in his contact and always said yes to his dates. He tried to make plans every day but on days i was busy i gave him another day he could do.

    Disclaimer- on our last date i stayed over his house as it was too late for me to get home. I told him before i was staying that i was not going to sleep with him, i think he took mild offence to this but asked me to stay anyway. When i stayed over he was very affectionate, kept asking if i was ok, was very sweet and hospitable… But there were times when kissing got heavy and i think he was trying it on, but i had to stop him and i was slightly botheted he wasnt respecting my desire to not do anything. But i figured hes a man, he has his urges..
    When i left his in the morning he didnt want me to leave, so we made plans to meet that evening as i had plans during the day.
    I may have screwed up here because i was slightly annoyed he was trying it on during the night so i didnt let him know when i was done with my plans and went home, i hoped he would ask me when he could see me. He didnt contact til late in the evening asking how my day was and i just told him i was tired and went home.

    Anyway a few days after i noticed his contact slowed down and he didnt initiate any dates. I reached out once and hinted about meeting but he stated he was really busy

    That was 2 weeks ago and heard nothing since

    Should i tell him i was looking forward to seeing him again, and ask what happened as im confused as i thought we were enjoying eachothers company?

    #372508 Reply


    Fyi… He seemed really into me… Told me i was beautiful numerous of times, said i had an amazing body… Kissed me after the first date, was very affectionate, would hug me, put his arm around me. During dinner he would look into my eyed, hold my hand across the table… Look at couples and note how they wouldnt be talking or having fun like we were
    Mentioned him and my dad would have a lot in common. We had our own private jokes even after the first date

    #372509 Reply


    It’s difficult to know.. But it seems he lost interest.

    I can’t help but correlate this with the fact you turned down sex. That isn’t anything wrong you did.. You have a right to hold off and should, if you don’t want casual. In his case, that may be all he wanted. A man can come on hot and heavy with one goal in mind.

    Do not get caught up in words a man tells you. Men say anything in the moment. They understand how women fall for such things. A mans actions are what tells you his intent.

    I would not reach out to him. See if he comes back to you. Even if you ask him, it’s unlikely you’ll get the real answer about why he disappeared.

    It was only three dates..keep dating others. Unfortunately, you may have had two separate agendas.

    #372510 Reply


    Oh and its been 3 weeks since our last date

    I have been chatting to and going on dates with other guys, but no one even remotely compares. I know its insane having only known him a month… But i felt a connection and chemistry and attraction, and thats so rare for me!

    #372511 Reply


    If it’s been three weeks, he has moved on.

    #372521 Reply


    Sounds like he wasn’t such a great guy afterall. You turn him down for sex and then he disappears? Not cool. This is why you have to stay level headed and not get too excited too soon. It’s also important to ask what the guy is looking for in terms of dating so you don’t waste your time. Unfortunately sometimes this happens. If you contacted him I doubt you’d get an honest answer.

    #372524 Reply


    I think you probably sent the wrong message… Holding off sex is one thing, going home and telling him you are tired seemed to indicate lack of interest, at least that is how I would feel if someone does that to me..

    Some guys would not proceed if he feels you are not interested..

    Be more careful next time…

    As for him, just inquire nicely and if you can save it

    #372525 Reply


    Diane, where you say ‘inquire nicely’ what kind of thing do you suggest I say?

    #372526 Reply


    Screw him you did nothing wrong… If you weren’t ready to go that way.. then don’t feel bad.. Keep being Amazing…Believe me he will come back.. Guys like that are like boomerangs you throw them out and they return back.. Lol keep rocking girl… Lol :)

    #372577 Reply


    I tend to agree with the posters who say he’s gone and no big loss, if he got his nose out of joint for you saying you weren’t interested in having sex with him. At the same time, if you stayed over at his house and the snagging got hot and heavy… you can’t entirely blame the guy for trying. This may cause controversy with other posters, but only you know for sure, you were there and we weren’t.

    However, if you are intent on getting this out of your system, I recommend getting Matthew Hussey’s free ebook on 8 texts you must have to send to men. Send him one of those texts. Then you will know for absolute certain if he is or not interested, and if he’s not you can move on with no regrets. Looks to me like you’ve got nothing to lose. Others here may well disagree with me; again only you know what feels right to you.

    #372581 Reply


    I think what may have put him off was that you made tentative plans for the evening, and then kind of blew him off.

    #372602 Reply


    I wouldn’t really say he went MIA because u did not have sex with him as he did contact you after that but you kind of blew him off. That may have turned him off and he must have moved on …. But yes, he has definitely moved on if it has been 3 weeks ….

    #372618 Reply


    Personally, this is my analysis… The sex thing well, had nothing to do about his disappearance. Three dates, and he didn’t force you to have sex, so he respected but couldn’t deny his attraction towards you, sweet in the morning and didn’t want you to leave, and wanted to see you later that evening… The guy was into you…

    You blew him off by not getting back to him, and he had to seek you out and ask how your day was. I think he felt pretty stupid asking when you had given your word of meeting later that evening. I think you are right about you feeling differently with him, because he seemed like a man that knows what he wants and seems very mature about it too.

    You did a mind game on him which is yeah I’ll see you later, but don’t and I won’t bother to call you, but yet I hope you drop everything to see me again.

    You had this poor guy waiting for you…. And you let him down. And if he is what I imagine to be based on what you said, he has no time for mind games.

    I’ve dated a lot, no sex unless I felt it that I wanted to emotionally, and I have mostly guy friends… I’ve learned that guys tend to be equally or more sensitive than women. So you basically hurt his pride, than diminished his ego by avoiding him… Being a girl, A guy did that to me… I wouldn’t call or make time either if you blow me off.

    A courtesy call saying you felt tired would have been graciously accepted and shown him that you respect him as a person. And you still would be on top of his list probably. Remember, they equally can get easily excited about a girl and then their hearts broken Too. Don’t forget, we are the same species.

    Wanna save face you got two option. Don’t contact him leave him be. If he ever is interested he will reach out and call you… Although this time his goal as a booty call so becareful… 2nd option call him invite him to coffee and without any expectation at all, apologies to him for what you did and that you feel terrible that you should have call him… Please don’t say sorry for keeping him waiting… You might not like his reaction there… But be personal-able if you really really like him and want to get to know him. And do let him him know how wonderful you think he is without fawning over him too much. If you guys had chemistry there it will definitely rekindle…

    If he doesn’t want to make time to meet with you, well apologize and thank him over the phone. Can’t promise he will react to that, but I can definitely promise you that he will think of you all night, because rarely the woman to maturely accepts ones mistakes to a man.

    I just believe in being a different woman than most and give warmth and understanding… So far that’s always worked out for me…

    Good luck Stephanie…. Just remember, we live and learn but don’t ever live life with regrets! No matter what, enjoy the moments good or bad… It’s what refines each and one of us… And the expectation is for the best…

    #372622 Reply


    Sorry meant to say Tiffany not Stephanie….

    Also I apologies if my grammar is incorrect… But you get the picture…

    #372726 Reply


    Hi ilistrious, i see your point.

    Well i decided to contact him, not to ask what happened but to ask him out. He replied straight away, said hes been super busy with work at the moment as hes working 2 jobs and is also doing a project in his free time.
    I asked him when hes free this week and he said hes working every evening except tonight, which he had plans but with friends but he said if they fall through he will see me. So i told him to let me know when is good for him

    Now, i dont know if hes just being polite by responding but not polite enough to be honest with me, or maybe he is genuinely busy and our schedules are just not meshing right

    So the ball is in his court now. I dont know if hes just being polite or is super busy or just not interested!

    #746919 Reply


    I feel ya pain, and the very exact situation happened in my life.

    #746922 Reply


    Yup, let’s respond to five year old posts.

    #746961 Reply

    Better off single

    Wow, you’ve got awesome self control.

    I wouldn’t have been able to spend the night and say no to sex with a guy I really liked.

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