Is it more than casual?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Louise 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #735379 Reply


    I started seeing a dude casually. We have met up 4 times now, between the first couple of meets our texts were 100% sexual / flirty

    Since the last couple of times, he has messaged as soon as I’ve left the next morning, before I’ve even gotten home once, thanking me for a wonderful evening & now there is no sexual / flirty messages, more compliments / niceness about me as a person

    The more I’ve gotten to know the dude, I think he’s actually my kinda guy. I’m half tempted to ask him out properly. But not sure if I’m looking into things or not

    If a dude only wanted to bang and nothing more would he stop being sexual ?

    Let me know your thoughts 😀

    #735381 Reply


    Ask yourself, why is HE not tempted to ask you out “properly”.

    Do not be easy girl. Have some value.

    When men like you, they act accordingly. Which means they “ask you out properly”.

    You feel excited, understandably, but use your mind to guide you.

    If you ask him out, he’d be flattered out of his wits, accept it, gets what he wants, and then would victoriously move on. You would give him no opportunity to fall for you, to work to get you. He’ think you are easy with others too.

    Stop sexting, it really does direct a guy ONLY into this area and he is unlikely to fall for you. Again because he would perceive you as EASY. He’d also assume you do it with others (of course you’d tell him you are not)

    Women are still women, men need to court us and win us, they need to feel they had to work to get us. When you offer yourself on a platter, the guy would not fall for you.

    #735384 Reply


    Sorry, I think you misunderstood me. We’ve already slept together on numerous occasions

    But it feels like our time spent together now is different, longer, more conversation & like I say, now I’m getting thank you messages & no sexual messages at all.

    He made a point of stating he wants to see me again before he left, I said Friday would be good, so wondering if I suggest going out to do something rather than our usual evenings/nights when he gets in touch

    #735388 Reply


    What’s the worst that could happen? If you want more and he doesn’t want more then you have your answer! See what he says, he might think you don’t want anything else so hasn’t brought it up. Only one way to find out. Clearly you want more girl!!

    #735389 Reply


    FWB does have an element of companionship to it.

    Its not always purely sex but, its a causal arrangement.

    Some people do spend time with their FWB for dinner or movies.

    As like many women you are taking small gestures and hoping its a sign he may have changed his mind.

    If you are at a point that you are interested other than FWB then speak up. Listen to what he says and if he isn’t interested in you then you have a choice to make. Stick around and enjoy the companionship and sex or move on to someone who wants more.

    #735392 Reply


    So, I’ve had an exclusive FWB arrangement since late May, and came to this forum in September asking for advice, as it felt confusing – we were texting almost daily from the off, he seemed really interested in me but then would go a bit quiet now and again, so I told him I liked him more than I’d intended to try and define things. He was very clear there was not going to be a relationship. He did want to continue though – convenient sex with someone he fancies without having to make a great deal of effort seducing me, it’s a no brainer isn’t it. I don’t flatter myself it was any more.

    I dithered about a bit, dated some other people, realised that the arrangement he and I had was much closer to what I needed and wanted right now, and we settled into a groove that worked for us both.

    It can feel like having a ‘boyfriend in a box’ to pick up and put down as it suits. There’s loads of affection between us, friendship too. We are growing closer as time passes. He confides in me. He dropped in on me with barely any notice earlier because he was feeling a bit crap and wanted some comfort.


    We know each other in a totally one dimensional way. I don’t know him in real life. It’s kinda like having a crush on a celebrity, and as realistic as such to expect it to develop, even though things do *seem* like they’re developing at times.

    So – sometimes things do grow from a casual thing.

    **But even when they do grow, they’re not necessarily growing into a marriage-track relationship.**

    You need to be clear about what you’re looking for, talk to him about what he’s looking for, and understand your capability to manage the situation before blindly proceeding ‘because he’s lovely. Of course he is, you wouldn’t be letting him insert his penis into you otherwise, would you ;-)

    #735393 Reply

    DONna from Waffle House

    Just go with the flow and see where it goes. You’ll know quick if he just wanted sex. Contact would only start being about that. He wont ask you on dates or call/text to see what you’re doing if that’s all he wants.

    #735425 Reply


    I wouldn’t confront him with feelings at this point. too soon. he would most likely turn you out. can you try and see if you can have outings with him without the sex bit?

    #735617 Reply


    I was quite happy with the casual set up. I just noticed a change in his behaviour. Him going from more sexual to just nice, not even sure if there is feelings yet, but I’m open minded to it
    He actually mentioned a new restaurant near my home, so I joked about going, so we are on Saturday. So we shall see
    Thanks girlies

    #735715 Reply


    Deonne, as long as you can keep your expections in check, it’s fun to enjoy the not knowing and the way things do develop over time when they’re casual. And by develop I just mean that you get to know each other, and find a groove with each other.

    My FWB just announced he’s interviewing for a job one street away from where I work and it gave me a moment of ‘ooh what’s he thinking by telling me that’ but realistically, who cares, so what, we’ll just continue exactly as we are until such a time that we don’t, haha, and I’m perfectly content with the situation.

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