is he still interested?


Home Forums Did He Lose Interest? is he still interested?

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  • #823127 Reply
    Jensy

    So, it’s a long story but let’s start at the beginning. Two years ago this guy was in the same college as me only in a different class. Friends of mine said we would get along very well and even be perfect for each other if he wasn’t in a relationship. Back then we spoke two sentences to each other but it stayed that way.
    Fast forward to march this year. He’s in the same class as my friends and during lockdown my friends, he and I played a lot of games through a videochat. Often the both of us ended up late talking to each other. (He still was in a relationship). From then on we talked more frequently and had more in depth conversations. We laughed together and often stayed up talking till late in the evening. He flirted with me but I ignored it or laughed with it because he was still in a relationship and I didn’t feel good with it.
    Then at the end of June, after he came back from a camp (where his girlfriend was also at) he suddenly told me out of the blue that they were on a break. I listened to all his problems and gave advice.
    That period of time I went to his house and we just chilled in his garden. We talked, laughed, he played his ukulele for me and so on. Our talking continued. A week later they were back together but he wasn’t sure and felt guilty because he kissed someone else during their break. So I gave him advice again, ignoring my own interest in him.. Eventually they decided to end their relationship after three years. There was a lot of pain and some confusion of her side.
    He became better and more happier and we decided to hang out again. It was during the time that our country had a curfew. So I came to his house. We laughed, played games, danced and drank a lot. Suddenly we saw that it was 1am so I couldn’t go home otherwise I would get a hefty fine if I got stopped. So he asked if I wanted to stay over. I did. We slept in the same bed. We talked for a long time at first until he asked if he could kiss me.. We did some other things but we hadn’t had sex. I also asked him if he was sure and if he wouldn’t regret it. The next morning again. Kissing, cuddling, forehead kisses. Him saying how lucky he was etc. That evening we talked about it that everything is still the same and that neither of us regretted it. His parents did found out that I slept over and were extremely angry at him, making him feel guilty..
    After that I heard less from him. I asked him through text what was wrong and he just said that he was busy. Eventually we talked again daily but something felt off..
    Then at my birthday he came over with other friends. When we were alone we talked about it. He told me he didn’t know what to do and wasn’t sure about what I thought about the whole situation. I told him that I didn’t want to get hurt and rather stayed friends because we click so well together. He assured me he wouldn’t. He also said that at this moment he isn’t looking for a relationship and that we’ll see what the future brings which gives me a bit of hope. Again we kissed and even in front of our friends.
    Now the past few weeks our talking isn’t the same as the beginning. We still talk a lot where he takes the initiative most of the time but it just doesn’t feel the same. He never asks to hang out (note: we’re again in a lockdown) or never talk so much. I don’t want to lose a friend cause he’s the first one in a long time that I immediately clicked with.
    I must say that I overthink a lot. I just got over a toxic guy that completely broke me and made me more insecure and wary than I already am. I also sometimes sabotage stuff. But with him I just don’t know.. Did I look too insecure? Was I too needy cause I complained he never had time when I asked him to do something? I just don’t know what to do…

    #823129 Reply
    Newbie

    You really need to invest some time into understanding how interested guys act like, especially if the guy before also wasnt that interested. This guy had a gf for 3/4 if the time and in the short break he didnt kiss you but another girl. After you did do some sexual stuff he backed off, even claiming his parents were mad (which sounds totally bogus to me) and explicitely told you he doesnt want a relationship. Now you think you want him as a friend but do you? He will get a new gf at some point and you want to be the one to give him some advice like mommies do? Be smart. Fade away from this one. Fix your guy picker because something is not working. Which is not that weird as many come from background where valuing yourself is not practised. And you need some. Start with learning how to tell a guy is interested. They ask you out on a date for starters. No worry, youre young. You can do this right.

    #823249 Reply
    Elvira

    Hi Jensy
    If you just got over a toxic relationship I really think you need time to yourself. You can absolutely have this guy as a friend as long as you understand its just friends with no emotions, you must control that and say to yourself this is not the guy for me (no kissing, or sexual acts). The best thing is to get your emotions under control including your anxiety and focus on self development. You’re young and in time someone who deserves you will come along when your ready.

    #823409 Reply
    Marise

    I think this guy likes you, but he’s not ready for a relationship. Give it time and space, don’t expect things to move fast. I know there seems to be so much time on our hands with this lockdown, so it might be hard to wonder why he doesn’t want to move this along. Maybe he’s scared to get into another relationship after his recent breakup. I would just say wait, don’t act or think too much. After a few weeks, if you still feel the same for him. Tell him and take it from there.

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