Is he racist?

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  L 3 months ago.

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  • #756915 Reply

    Not Maria

    Hi, I’m a 30 year old Puerto Rican woman, living in NYC. My bf of 18 months is an American Born Chinese (that’s a phrase he uses) who is 33 years old. I have 1 son from a previous relationship that’s 4 his father ran out and then got busted and sent to prison for his 3rd strike.

    My boy friend is great in almost every way. He’s very supportive of both me and my son. He is smart, he speaks English, Cantonese and Spanish. I’ve been to his family gatherings and he’s gone with me to mine.

    The only problem is he hates most music where Spanish is sung. He’s asked me not to turn it on when we’re together in the car or at my place. It’s weird cause he’s polite when we’re at a gathering like my cousin’s wedding and they play something he will get up to dance. He can dance salsa and merengue, his sister briefly mentioned he dated a dance instructor a long time ago.

    It seems like a minor thing cause he speaks Spanish better than I do but even if J Lo or Miami Sound Machine comes on the radio he changes the station. Most of those songs are in English with maybe a few lines in Spanish.

    My brother says it’s a sign he is a racist and thinks his culture is better than ours. My sister says it’s not a big deal. When I asked him about it he just shrugged and said he doesn’t like the music like he doesn’t listen to K-pop or eat chocolate ice cream.

    #756918 Reply


    Hi-you seem to creating Drama/issues where there is none. Not everyone likes everything. I find lots of music annoying,yes,even some “ethnic specific” music. It does not mean I don’t like people from those cultures!!

    #756920 Reply


    “Hates” is a strong word.

    I like salsa dancing but I”m not going to sit at home or in a car and listen to that music.

    No, doesn’t sound at all like racism. I’m betting your brother doesn’t like him.

    #756922 Reply



    #756923 Reply

    Not Maria

    Candace your right my brother doesn’t like my bf from the get go. I don’t know why.
    He says my bf is a wimp but he’s not, he was in the Army and did 2 tours in Iraq. My bf says he doesn’t need to prove anything to my brother so he doesn’t react when my brother calls him a wimp or says he’s stuck up. How my bf thinks I should go to college cause he finished with the gi bill and worked full time.
    I guess the drama is really coming from my brother. It’s just that we’re talking about moving in to my bf house. I rent a apartment and he thinks I can save money. My brother thinks my son will end up more Chinese then Puerto Rican.

    #756924 Reply


    This is 100% on your brother-actually he sounds a bit racist himself. Ignore your brother and stop telling your boyfriend all the crap your brother says about him. Be happy,enjoy your guy.

    #756937 Reply

    Not Maria

    I don’t think my brother is a racist, he’s more like an assh0le. I wouldn’t repeat the things he says but he says it in front of my bf and me. My bf says it doesn’t bother him cause my brother is irrelevant. My sister thinks he’s just insecure.
    We have really different values. Completing college is a big deal to my bf family. His mom’s first question to me wasn’t what college I graduated from but it might have been the 4. I felt kinda like she didn’t think I was good enough when I told her I only graduated from high school. My bf was quick to say not everyone goes to college but I could see she wasn’t buying it. There’s some pressure for me to go to college. His mom said she can help babysit if I go cause she watches her grand kids. It was clear she’s not going to babysit if I just go to work.
    I guess it’s really my brother and maybe some of my own insecurities. I know his family is really important to him.

    #756939 Reply


    So they are high achievers and you are a single mom with a high school education.

    You don’t have the ambition they do.

    #756940 Reply


    He’s not racist, he just doesn’t like spanish music lol.
    I’m sorry but that’s such a small thing to get worked over

    #756945 Reply


    I hate rap and very little country, it doesn’t make me a racist, I just don’t like or care for it because it doesn’t appeal to me no differently than spanish music doesn’t appeal to him. Not sure why you’re making such a big bruhaha over it? I think this has far more to do with you’re own insecurities than it does his dislike of certain music. He loves you for you, why can’t you accept it and be happy with that?

    #756947 Reply


    If he was racist, would he be with you in the first place?

    #756949 Reply


    Each & EVERY time Tom Petty (RIP) comes on the radio- I change the station… I’m Asian/Latino- Does that make me racist …? No, just not a Petty fan..

    #757038 Reply

    Not Maria

    So after getting some perspective here and from my friends I took my bf up on his offer to move into his place. My brother will have to shut the hell up.

    #757039 Reply


    GO GIRL. You can’t marry your brother. :) He will have to get over himself.

    #757064 Reply


    How can you be Puerto Rican and he speaks better Spanish than you?

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