Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he messing with me??
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 1 year, 1 month ago by
Tammy.
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Gigi
We briefly went out for about three months last year, both had just come out from a long term relationship. The connection was instant but we were both too hurt and lost to make it last. I got a bit obsessed and he distanced himself from getting too serious with me. So we ended things.
That’s the background story. After we decided to end things, I asked for my stuff back from him(just two books really). He agreed to meet and give me the stuff however bailed on me eventually. So I decided it’s not worth it and moved on.Fast forward 4 months, just when I’ve almost forgotten about this guy, he reached out via text asking to return the books. I asked him to mail it back to me(even tho we are in the same city, I didn’t feel like meeting him.) We did a little chitchat over text, nothing flirtatious but feels familiar. As a result, I was so confused after that. He voluntarily told me that he went on a few dates but nothing serious when I merely asked him how’s work. He asked about my dating life. He still sounded hurt from his last breakup.
I asked very blatantly if he just wanted to return my stuff and close the loop for good. He replied “I think so.”
But he still hasn’t returned them after three weeks!
Here I am, confused and over thinking.
obviously there was still a tiny amount of hope, but I just wanted to process it all and move on.Also, he stopped being responsive since last time I shared an article about online dating with him. So basically he ghosted me after offering to return my stuff but never really followed up.
Is he just messing with me?
Maddie
He’s not messing with you, persay. He’s just a mess! Probably wanted some validation from you, has a built in excuse he’s not ready to lose (he can reach out any time to mention your stuff), and he just reacts to things in the moment. After the conversation, he honestly probably wasn’t thinking about it and forgot, but you’ll hear from him again next time he’s lonely. There’s no hope for a normal relationship with him, he’s a waste of your time. He probably was already emotionally unavailable and a lousy partner even before that breakup, but if he clings to it as an excuse instead of really trying to move on, it sounds like a better, more appealing story because, poor heartbroken him, and maybe his messiness is only “temporary.” It’s not, ignore him and move on.
Gigi
Thank you Maddie for the advice.
Him popping back unfortunately has reset some of my healing. I asked him to either meet and pass me the books to clear things up or keep them and don’t bother. He said he’d be happy to meet and give me the books. I told him I will let him know a date closer to end of the month because I’ve been busy. Honestly I am not ready to see him in person. I don’t know what’s gonna happen.
He tried to chichat in-between the lines by commenting on my new profile pic which I ignored.
Ugh, a part of me hopes that he still wants me, but another part of me keeps telling myself to move on for good. I really don’t like this turmoil in my head.
Maddie
Look up fearful avoidant attachment. Sounds like he’s got it. He may still want you casually, but he’s not going to be available for a real, smooth, or committed relationship. Don’t expect anything when you see him and it will help you not invest in the outcome of getting your books. Keep it short if you must see him. Otherwise you’ll get a repeat roller coaster ride. I know this because he’s already been hot and cold about reestablishing contact and firmly meeting up, and I’ve been there and done that in similar situations. Moving on was always the better choice, even if I chose instead to see it through first and had to re-learn that same lesson each time.
Been there
Oh my god I’ve just been there . Sounds like the same guy .
Dumped me by text but wanted go be “ friends “ would text then he wanted to meet up to give me a card when my father died then he didn’t he was going to post it . Then I asked to meet up for closure he kept putting it off . Told me he hadn’t been with anyone else I was holding on to some hope . The I asked him again about meeting up snd he said not tonight heading out and I never heard back from him . A week later I suggested we block each other and move on . A few weeks later I bumped into him and he and he didn’t see me I emailed him saying we met and he said he never saw me . Told me after s few emsils he’s now with someone else snd to move on . That’s all the closure I get . Have to move on .
Raven
He was on a phishing expedition…
He thought you were easy & that you’d jump at the chance, he’d get laid & then, the same thing all over again.
Are those books really all that important?
Sam
I agree with, Raven.
Consider the books a loss. Seeing him again will only reopen the wound and deter your healing. The books are just an excuse to stay in contact.
Tammy
Pls just forget the books and block this guy. Do not entertain him again. Hes using books return as an excuse to interact with you. I sincerely doubt whether even he knows what he wants! Lol. Pls dont bother and close this chapter. Do not agree to meet! Ideally consider the books gone and move on after blocking him
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