Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he doing a slow fade?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 4 months ago by
Emily.
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Isabella
Hi there, probably one of those where you know the answer but you have a tiny bit of hope so you go to strangers for advice as friends always tell you what you want to hear.
I met a guy online a couple of months ago and we’ve been on a few dates and seem to get on well with good chemistry. He is always initiating and requesting dates. Over the past 10 days he started to communicate more (from every 2-3 days to a message every day) and planning dates weekly but last Friday he sent me a voice message to say that he was not feeling too well, a bit tired and drained, probably due to the change of season, blah blah and that he would have loved to see me that evening but didn’t have the energy and needed some rest so if we could take a raincheck and meet the following week instead. I replied that I was sorry to hear that he was feeling so tired and that I had not realized we had plans to see each other that evening (he never asked me during the week) so apologized if I had missed something but that regardless he sounded like he needed some rest and so absolutely fine to meet at some point the following week. He replied straight away thanking me for my understanding and that we would see each other next week and sending me lots of kisses. I replied the next day to say that it was normal to want to chill every once in a while, that I was quite tired too on Friday and that I was enjoying having a relaxing weekend and that we could meet once we had both reloaded our batteries and sending him kisses too.
He listened to the voice message pretty quickly but now we are Tuesday and still no news from him…. I’m starting to wonder if being tired was an excuse not to see me and if he is doing a slow fade?
Raven
Maybe he’s sick?
Not the real lily Collins
Hmm could be, could be not. It’s only Tuesday so I wouldn’t worry.
Let him initiate though because he was the one who cancelled. Just don’t think or invest too much as it’s still early stages.
I know the waiting bit can be frustrating but just keep busy. Now it doesn’t seem like a slow fade just yet, to me at least. Set a day, say Friday, as your ‘panic day’ when you’ve not heard from him. Not to say to panic on Friday, it’s just a day to give him the space he needs to deal with whatever he’s sorting out and time for you to do other things without thinking about too much.
Not to say you will but don’t be desperate by blowing up his phone with texts or voice messages. It will do more harm than good.
You can send him a gentle reminder on Friday that gives off a fun/relaxing vibe.
T from NY
Definitely definitely let him be! Men do this. Often. Things are trucking along beautifully and then wham – they pull back. Women are always best suited to get on with their lives. IF he is really interested in carrying y’all forward HE WILL. I would always give a guy I’ve been dating (not exclusively) a week or even two to get quiet, change their habits, or whatever because I know things come up (sickness, work, family etc) or feelings come up (they feel smothered, have someone else hitting on them, they are taking stock considering if they feel enough for you to give up much of their freedom, etc).
This happening once or twice in the first 6 months is acceptable to me – because I’m a person who likes to take space occasionally and process what I’m feeling and I take commitment to people seriously. So it happening once while newly dating — and maybe once a few weeks or months after being exclusive — is about it. Anymore than that means they either have commitment issues or aren’t sure enough about their feelings for you. You always want a man to be sure as possible.
End of story. Let him be. Keep yourself busy and respond to him warmly when he reaches out. If it was me and I hadn’t heard from him by Wednesday I might reach out and say – I hope you’re feeling better! add a smile face and then let him lead. He did not forget you were there. And if he’s gonna be a coward and not tell you how he feels – you don’t want a guy like that anyway. Thinking of you.
Chris
Sounds like to me he is just sick.
Emily
Chris, you may not have noticed this, but you’re replying to posts that are a month old. The original poster probably resolved their issue now.
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