Is he controlling or is my friend jealous?


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This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 7 months ago.

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  • #689694 Reply

    Lucy

    She’s single,I’ve been with him 6 years now.
    I met him and 7 weeks later I was pregnant,he told me he didn’t like condoms but would be careful.
    Friend said I was a fool,now he doesn’t like the idea of me being on the pill,so I don’t take it.
    I rarely see my friend anymore as I used to meet her on Thursdays (my day off) but my boyfriend got every Thursday off so I spend it with him.
    I changed my day meeting friend to Friday as boyfriend started at 11am but now he doesn’t start till 4pm so I can’t meet friend as he likes us to spend it together.
    My friend has suggested he got the day off and changed his hours on purpose to stop her meeting her.
    Do you think it’s jealousy on her part?

    #689695 Reply

    Anastasia

    Absolutely he IS controlling and your friend is being the one bringing some clarity. Never I asked opinion of my boyfriend when started to take pills as this is MY body and I am the one to decide how to best protect myself from unplanned pregnancy.
    Not being able to see a friend? Jeez I have plenty he has too, we put priority to see each other but as much to see our friends separately and he has no business to control that part of my life.
    Do you have just one friend? Do you live together with him/ How old are you? We need more information but yes, overall I’d be very concern you are in trouble.

    #689696 Reply

    Lucy

    I could see my friend but feel guilty leaving him on his own.
    I’m 32
    I have the one friend,the rest are just girls I know who’s partners are friends with boyfriend.
    He misses me when I’m out and even when I am out he texts a lot.
    It’s put strain on my friend and my friendship as she makes it clear she doesn’t like him.

    #689697 Reply

    Lucy

    We live together yes.
    If I do go anywhere without him he will Cry.
    He is very soppy.

    #689699 Reply

    Anastasia

    “If I do go anywhere without him he will Cry.” – is this even real? This must be a fake post. Assuming it IS real, you guys have a very unhealthy relationship, ton of insecurities and need to go see psychologiest. Of course only unless you both are fine with what you have.

    #689701 Reply

    Lucy

    It is real.
    He is the first man I’ve ever had a proper relationship with.
    I love him and I know he loves me and I do know the crying thing is a bit much for some people.

    #689703 Reply

    Anastasia

    Ok Lucy. I didn’t want to sound mean or anything, I wish you to be truly happy! It’s just that both of you had life before each other and it is healthy to integrate each other into your earlier lives rather than replacing everything good. Of course, starting family will replace some things but not all. It is a nice feeling to sometime miss your partner, to have me-time, it makes your relationship stronger!

    #689705 Reply

    Shoshannah

    This sounds horrible to me and I don’t think this relationship has a chance of ever evolving into anything healthy. I would be concerned about Lucy’s safety.

    #689706 Reply

    Paige

    The guy is MANIPULATING YOU. Your friend is right. Please take off the rose-colored glasses.

    #689709 Reply

    Amy S

    He cries when you go out ? Would you not prefer to date a man instead of a little girl. Yikes.

    #689713 Reply

    Raven

    Controlling & manipulative…

    #689720 Reply

    Hannah

    I agree with the others. He’s controlling you and the crying is highly manipulative.

    If you’re happy with him and he’s the father of your child, I wouldn’t for one second suggest you leave, but I would advise you to be aware of how he acts towards you. It’s your body, he has no right to say if you should be on birth control or not. It’s your life, so don’t let him guilt trip you into losing your friends.

    I’m 10 years older than you. At 32, I was sure my husband was going to be the man for me for the rest of my life. Time changes, situations change and people change. We’re now currently going through a divorce. If I hadn’t kept up with my friends and had their support over the last couple of years, I would have gone mad!

    So please don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Maintain your friendships. It’s vital for you to keep a healthy, balanced life. One person cannot be your world. Your friend will get fed up of you never seeing her eventuallyand then you’ll be isolated. Remember, you don’t even have to split up to find yourself alone. Your bf could get run over by a bus tomorrow. Maintain your friendships and don’t let him guilt trip you into not seeing them.

    #689722 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I’m not sure if advice to leave would be so bad, even if Lucy feels happy. Sometimes people have a subjective feeling of happiness simply because they are used to something or they don’t see clearly what is going on. My impression is this man is abusive and I think there is a serious concern about long-term effects that this relationship can have on Lucy’s mental well-being.

    #689752 Reply

    kaye

    Yes your boyfriend is controlling. If you can’t see that after being with him for 6 years then I think you must be clueless. I can’t believe you’re wanting to say this is because she’s jealous!! Have you ever dated a man who cried when you went somewhere without him? Does that even sound remotely normal to you? Did your dad cry when your mom wanted to go out with her friends? My step-dad doesn’t cry when my mom meets her ladies for Bunco every week. And my husband doesn’t cry when I have my annual girls weekend each year.

    Right now she is your only friend who isn’t the girlfriend of one of his friends. And the fact that you two live together and see each other ALL the time should be reason enough for him to let you go out with your friend every week or every other week. You either need to learn how to have a backbone and tell him you’re going to see your friends or it’s going to be just like Hannah said, you will find yourself alone with no friends when this relationship is over.

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