Initiates texts then no reply?


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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Emma 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #693959 Reply

    Sheena

    Gone on a few dates with a guy…. he texted me this morning asking a “how are you” type question… i respond an hour later with a question asking how his day is going… its been 5 hours with no reply. WTF. Am I right to get stressed out? Maybe he changed his mind? Maybe he got hurt or something terrible happened? Why do men do this?

    #693964 Reply

    Ali

    It’s been 5 hrs. You are the one with the issue. There are any number of reasons why he would have not replied that do not involve him losing interest, dying in a car accident, or being a jerk.

    I hope this post is a joke. Women like you need to get a grip/life.

    #693969 Reply

    Sheena

    Well what if they usually always respond right away and this happens? then what?

    #693973 Reply

    peggy

    Hi Sheena-you need to chill out! This is a question/worry that stems from insecurity/being “invested”too fast. People have lives-he could be doing any number of things. 5 days,ok maybe he has lost interest,but 5 hours…
    My B.F. of a year and I text constantly/regularly. However it is common for several hours or more to go by if either of us is busy. You need to relax!.

    #693975 Reply

    Lane

    He texted you first then didn’t reply. He’s definitely dead in a ditch or changed his mind

    #693978 Reply

    Sheena

    Should I send a follow up text later tonight and be like how was your day

    #693979 Reply

    WHY

    This is a great way to create an unequal dynamic by putting yourself in a “needy” state of mind.

    When we meet someone new, they should not occupy this much of our time and thoughts until they earn it.

    They earn it by being courteous, respectful, and showing interest-and spending time with you consistently.

    You barely know this guy. He isn’t your BF and he is almost certainly dating others, as YOU should be.

    If you want a man to crave your time and make real effort, you have to have your own, busy, fulfilled, life without them.

    The minute you start obsessing like this, they can sense it a mile away (trust me- when you are in a needy state of mind like this, it’s palpable).

    Nothing kills interest quicker than moving too fast and getting in too deep before you even really know a guy.

    Refocus elsewhere. If you had a life before him, go back to it. If you didn’t then you need to get one.

    Start changing your mindset. A man needs to earn your time (but I don’t mean be nasty-be truly busy and doing your own thing). Your free time should be precious, and only given to those who understand that, and treat you with the same priority and deference you give them. A man who isn’t interested in winning you over, isn’t worth your time.

    Learn to identify those kinds quickly, and move on if they start wasting your time.

    In this instance…CHILL OUT. People get busy. If he is regularly rude or inconsiderate, that is another matter, but in this case you are making a big deal of nothing.

    Get busy doing your own thing, so you barely miss his presence.

    That is the mindset you need to adopt. A guy should not be the center (or only) focus of your happiness.

    The best relationships survive when there are two people with their own independent lives, who also make SOME of that time for one another.

    It is not healthy to be in anyone’s back pocket, yet few women seem to understand, embrace, or live this.

    Which is why so many women are frustrated and have poor dating eperiences.

    #693990 Reply

    Anne

    The answer is, there is no reply to a worthless text like how was your day. What, is he supposed to be a poet? He will call you after work, because texting is dumb. Quit fretting and quit thinking texts are real communication

    #693992 Reply

    Raven

    I have a girl friend who does this to me…
    I’ve just stopped replying to her, until she addresses me by my name…

    Also, In these cases, I figure I’m not the only one getting the message & I’m not going to complete for attention…

    #694007 Reply

    Sheena

    I sent a text saying did you have a good day and he said yes and I said “busy one it seems” and he said yes very! And that’s the end of it

    #694010 Reply

    Ali

    well, it doesn’t sound like an especially interesting conversation, so no wonder he’s waiting 5 hrs, etc.

    texting just to text is pretty pointless in my opinion, and it should never be your main mode of communication.

    Just back off, get on with your own stuff, as it seems he is doing the same… I’m sure he’ll be back in touch when he either has something interesting to say or is ready to ask you on another date.

    But if you are going to be overanalyzing when you don’t hear back for just 5 hrs, I don’t think you are ready to date. you’ll just freak out from anxiety!

    #694016 Reply

    Hannah

    Either he suddenly got really busy and he’ll reply properly when he can or he was bored and sent the same generic message to lots of different women to see who would reply. Time will well which one it is.

    #694021 Reply

    Emma

    I am with Hannah. He probably throw a hook to see how many fish would bite. I wouldn’t have even bothered to reply.

    #694031 Reply

    Kathy

    These “How are you?” people are usually not very serious, just fishing, etc.

    If they are really interested in how you are, what you are up to, etc, they would call..

    They just want to know if you are interested in them.

    Unless… it is a guy who has not been in touch in awhile and is testing the waters to see if you are mad at him.

    #694080 Reply

    Janet

    He’s a c*nt
    F*ck him off.
    Loser.

    Unless he asks you out – do abso bloody lutely nothing – move on, this guy is a tw*t
    Hahaha

    #694086 Reply

    Newbie

    I wish you would have followed the advice in stead of sending him a new text plus the line: busy one, that seems. It may not look to you that way but i bet all my money this guy knows its a passive aggresive statement to his half a day of not texting. Most likely cos he was working. You only been on few dates. Obsessing over texts wont get you this guy. More likely the opposite. Guys get turned off by clinginess if its this early on.
    Focus on your life instead of watching your phone

    #694087 Reply

    anon

    Courtesy is 24 hours on texting unless it’s an urgent matter/figuring out plans.
    If I’m bored, between projects at work I might text someone a “hey, how are you? What’s up?”. If you wait an hour to respond, I might be in a meeting, finishing a project, driving home, dealing with my dog etc. and you might not hear back from me for hours. Because I have stuff going on.

    Don’t set a timer on a guys texting. Don’t be that girl who flips out after she hasn’t heard back from a pointless text within X time frame. That’s controlling! Nobody wants that.

    #694097 Reply

    Nina

    One day you will realize texting is bad for relationships!!! 5 hour is nothing, he has probably seen your text but got busy with work or something else. Dont stress about it. Sometimes I will text my boyfriend and not hear from him until the next day because he is busy! Dont stress too much girly!

    #694112 Reply

    Emma

    I am with Newbie. To all the ladies who say don’t stress about replies. This is true when there is normal correspondence. But in this case it does not apply.

    She should have ignored him! This is not how men show interest. And he knows it very well, he is a grown up.

    So in this case not stressing out does not even apply. The OP should stop paying attention to this dude. Unless he steps up and changes his attitude. “How are you” are ego boosts for him. In addition there is this “needy” hint..”busy day it seems”. Urhg…Women rediscover your dignity please! LOL

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