In a relationship or not?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals In a relationship or not?

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  • #782358 Reply
    TatumRay

    So this guy that I am currently dating treats me well. I would like to make things official because we act and treat each other like a couple and we’ve already discussed being monogamous with each other. When I’ve brought it up before he expressed that the title isn’t whats important its how we treat each other and just how some people don’t feel the need to get legally married but still have great partnerships, he doesn’t see the need in a title and also feels like a lot of problems arise when people decide to put a title on it. I totally understand his point of view but I’m not one of those people I like titles and knowing I can call someone my boyfriend or husband and that extra bound I personally feel comes with the title. Everyone also thinks were a couple, his parents, family and close friends always refer to us as boyfriend and girlfriend and he doesn’t correct them. He is truly good to me and treats me well and never once have I had a thought or seen a moment when he was acting unfaithful so the only issue is the title situation. I know to some it might seem trivial but what advice would you guys give me on this matter other than “well just get over it” so that he can see my point of view.

    #782362 Reply
    Ella

    I completely understand your problem. Labels are nice! I would be direct with him and say how if you two are in a committed monogamous relationship, tell him how you would like to address him to friends and family as your “boyfriend” and if he has a problem with that, then need to address the monogamous aspect more.

    #782363 Reply
    kaye

    How long have you been dating? How old are you? Has he been in prior relationships where titles were involved?

    I would be interested in what he means by “problems arise when people decide to put a title on it”. What kind of problems? Like him chatting with girls behind your back, making out with a girl at a club, sexting with a girl? Putting a title on a relationship isn’t even close to getting married and can’t even be compared. The only thing I see when a man doesn’t want to put a title on it is a lack of commitment and an available excuse when he gets caught stepping out of the relationship and he can say he’s not your boyfriend and he can do what he wants. Someone saying they won’t have sex with someone else because you’re monogamous still leaves a lot of room for fooling around with members of the opposite sex.

    #782365 Reply
    TatumRay

    We’ve been dating for 6 months. I’m 22 he’s 23. He was in 2 prior relationships with a title. I didn’t want to make the post to long. The first one was a 4 year relationship, the ex ended it, when they went to different colleges and as far as he knows she said she didn’t want to do distance anymore. I understand this past heartbreak can be the real reason and I’m sympathetic to that but as the same time that can’t be an excuse forever. The second one lasted 3 months and as far as I know the girl ended up sleeping around then said she felt he was getting to serious to fast so she ended it. The second story as far as I know checks out because I also heard the replica story from the girls mouth just with more of a focus on her saying she felt he was too clingy and she wasn’t ready to get that serious. The second title relationship is what I’m thinking he means when he says problems arise. I understand dating and marriage are not on the same level that was just me naming two title situations. And I totally agree with what your saying about how not having a title is an easy excuse to step out. I’m just confused how he’s so comfortable and cool with everyone saying and thinking were in a relationship and him acknowledging that with everyone but it’s like were in our own secret club and only us know were not dating.

    #782366 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Bullhonkey. Dump this dude. People who don’t like labels are usually avoidant. My guess is this is not the only place this man is leaving you unsure or is unwilling to discuss. He has warned you he is not committed because the min level of commitment is agreeing to say you are committed. He is not even willing to do that. Gross.

    Has this man been pushing for you to his? To grow your interactions, to make you part of his life? Is he showing up like a boyfriend in word and deed?

    I say this to be provocative to wake you up up him having warned you he is not committed to you. He had given himself a very clever out.

    #782367 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Who cares why he does this? This man is capable of committing, he showed it twice before and if he is too hurt, then he should get some therapy. Not make you stick around while he miles around as the walking wounded. Even polyamorous people call people girlfriend and boyfriend. Find someone better.

    #782370 Reply
    kaye

    I think 6 months is plenty of time to put a label on your relationship. If he’s only 23 and been in a 4 year relationship then he was very young going into that relationship and it sounds like he was hurt.

    Has that relationship been over more than a year? If not I think you are in rebound territory and he’s still struggling to get over her and that would definitely explain his lack of commitment to you.

    It’s funny the 3 month girl says he was getting too serious too fast when he won’t get serious with you. The point is maybe she wasn’t sleeping around. Maybe they didn’t have a “title” on their relationship either and she chose to see that as casual when he chose to see it as her cheating.

    I would sit him down and ask him why he’s opposed to saying the 2 of you are in a relationship and boyfriend/girlfriend when he had no issues doing that in his last 2 relationships.

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