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- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Lil.
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April
So I am almost 98% sure my ex (broke up 2 days ago) and my friend are meeting behind my back and talking. Now, I’ll never truly know if this is the case. Many reasons to have suspicions and both have admitted attractions to each other.
If they are or are not? I can’t stop this.However, my behaviour to this? Is substantially toxic, unhealthy and very detrimental to my mental health. I am stalking the both of their active times on Facebook and Instagram to see a matching active time. It’s driving me insane and I really cannot stop. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. It’s consuming me. It’s making me ill but I cannot stop this and I don’t know how to stop myself.
I’m older, little friends and I don’t have a great social life. I spend a large portion of my time alone and is day I’m pretty depressed.
How do I stop this toxic path I can’t stop myself from doing? If I delete the apps I just end up reinstalling and I’ll obsess more.
Last night when I finished work? I spent my whole night, watching their active times.
I’m very ashamed to admit this.
It really gets me down and I don’t know why.Why does my mind think nothing but of him and one only him?! It’s like I can’t stop it. Genuinely he’s on my mind 24/7. I hate being who I am and I hate me
kaye
First of all, you are not toxic!! Right now you are obsessed. Your break up only happened 2 days ago so cut yourself some slack. I’ve been through a bad break up and I swear I was obsessed, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, was going over everything in my head that went wrong, what I could have done differently, etc. At that time I would have sworn my mind only thought about him 24/7!! He didn’t have social media so I was stalking all his friends, his exes to see if he was in pictures. I wanted to know what he was doing, who he was with. I did better research than the freaking FBI!!
I know you are down and depressed right now. You feel alone and sad. That’s normal. The only way I could stop obsessing over him was to obsess over something else. It’s easy to tell someone to go find something to do, hang out with friends, family, go out etc. But there are still going to be times when you are home alone. Pinterest was my solace!! I found something constructive to obsess over. Redecorating my house, working in my flower beds, you name it I pick projects and tackled them head on. Not only was I occupying my mind with other things I was being productive and making myself get up off the couch! It could be home decor, gardening, cooking, crafting, a new wardrobe, organizing your closet and drawers. Find something that excites you and is constructive. Not only will you feel better but you will be able to see the results of your work and slowly get back to who you were before the break up.
I wish there was a secret weapon or magic potion but time is really the best healer. You just have to train your mind to think about other things to shut out the thoughts of him when they come up. Unfortunately my mind could think of multiple other things and STILL think of him! It’s a process you have to work through. Don’t hate yourself. People handle things differently.
Tallspicy
Hugs!!! Not toxic, just a brain in pain.
Just remind yourself “people who do not choose me, love me, like me don’t matter”.
Or go full blown stalker for a few weeks, it is natural! But if you must, how about writing down 3 things you are grateful for each time, or things you like about you. Then look
redcurleysue
I have been in your situation and it hurts. Not only the ex but the friend too.
Here is the skinny on this….if your friend and ex truly love each other why would you want to stand in their way? After all, two flirts deserve each other….and if they do get together then there will not be trust. Their situation creates its own hell….
So back off and let whatever will be happen or not. He does not deserve your thoughts 24/7. You do deserve to move on to bigger and better!
Lil
A trick I learnt. When the thoughts come into your head, say to yourself STOP! A psychologist taught me this trick and I thought it was ridiculous but it actually worked with my ruminations about my ex.
Hope this helps.
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