Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I'm not falling for my "boyfriend"
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Sylvia.
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Sylvia
The nice guy arrived. Treats me really well, is reliable, I can count on him, has stable job. Here’s the thing. He assumed we’re a couple almost immediately and he’s all over my social media. At first it gave me a confidence boost after dating douchebags but now I’m scared it’ll scare a new guy away.
I don’t want to let him go yet. There are issues. One – there is no passion between us at all. I feel like he is either secretly superscared or asexual. Nothing sexual happened, nowhere close. We kissed a few times and that’s all. I don’t see any “fire” in him and don’t desire him in return. I was surprised he’s not ashamed he didn’t make any further move.
Also – I’m adventurous and always wanted a guy to have fun with. I’m sporty, into traveling and love hanging out with friends. He has very few friends and I don’t like talking to him. He has no hobbies but is passionate about his job so that counts.
At first I was simply happy that I’m treated well and thought an intelligent guy. Perfect for marriage and kids. Spending time with him feels forced, I’m seeing him way too much but he wants to see me. For me it became a chore. I wonder if it’s the “ick”, we’re mismatched, I don’t way to be someone else’s playtoy. I’m just so torn. I’d love your advice, please ask if you want to because I didn’t describe the situation 100% accurately.Raven
How long have you two been dating?
What does he say when you say, ‘Let’s go do something fun, like _____.’Sylvia
Almost everything is out of his comfort zone. He does try sometimes and agrees to go to a restaurant (I know), I see it’s hard for him so nice of him but he’d spend time in his house, that’s the way it is. I love going out and I’m into windsurfing and he’d never try, I like fast cars, he likes his bike so you get the picture. He is the opposite of spontaneous. However he’s not really “nice pushover” since he has a business and somehow he is good at it and knows a thing or two with people.
Sylvia
As for dating.. about 6 weeks and we became a couple in his mind like right away!
Newbie
I dont think this will work. Dating does mean try new things and strategies but you went from mr unavailables to mr frigid lol. I do believe there is a middle ground here where a guy does take his time and is sexual attracted and acts on it
Sylvia
I really hate our culture for telling us “how can you not have a boyfriend” or “but you SEEMED so perfect”.
There is a part of me that that maybe I won’t meet anyone else especially with the covid-19 restrictions.
I’m scared of losing him, I just go with the flow.. I’m not sure how to act as well. To try change him, explain situation.. Also, he told me I’m the best “thing” that happened to him. I don’t know how serious he is. Actions speak louder..Newbie
Very few people will judge you about not having a bf as most people dont give a dam if you do or not. . Its really you thats feeling the pressure. Its truly weird you are worried about losing someone you are zero attracted to and you describe as potentially a-sexual. Is that what you were looking for? You can take your time getting to know him but dont settle because of a pubic image you like to uphold.
Sylvia
Many people asked me why I’m still single. By being unavailable I’m no longer desperate.
Also I liked knowing there is someone who cares me. It’s egoistic but realistic. It’s tough being completely alone.Sensy
So you are willing to settle based on how you think others perceive you?
Newbie
Sylvia, to put it bluntly, the answer to that question is: because i assumed i could sex a guy into a relationship and assumed having low standards would get me a bf. And all that because no one ever taught me how to date properly. And that truth counts for many women including myself. But of course we dont say that but the simple answer can be: because i didnt find the right man yet. So if they ask and you feel humiliated by the question youre not feeling right in your skin atm. You shouldnt even date in that case. If they ask and you dont give a d/amn thats the right attitude. I wouldnt date mr a-sexual for too long. Good luck
T from NY
Do this guy a favor – go seek your validation somewhere else. It is unkind to describe him in the way that you are and continue interacting with him. Dating is hard. It is tedious. It can try your patience. It’s a struggle sometimes – until it’s not. Dating the right person, at the time, is exciting, glorious, interesting and growth promoting. Developing the heart muscle to be on your own (not just on any guys arm) is the same as physically training any muscle. Develop the courage to do that, and gracefully set this guy free to find a woman who appreciates him.
Alice
Sylvia, the way you talk about this guy and that fact that you’re basically using him so you’re not lonely is WHY so many women end up on these forums! Because mean LEAD women on!
Don’t be like those guys who just use women so they are not lonely and end up breaking these girls hearts!
If you don’t stop doing what you’re doing, Karma is going to pay you a visit.
What you put into the universe will come back to you, stop using him. It’s plain mean.
Dan
People change when they want to not when they are forced to.its clear you two are not a match.its a hard pill to swallow especially when you know you are going back to the singlehood you are not ready for but you have to face the truth.you do not like your situation but enjoy how it presents you to other people
Which is better?to appear happy in a relationship in the eyes of other people when you are really not,or to let go of things that burden you and be happy with yourself?its a question that only you can and should answerSylvia
Thank you everyone, he has many positive qualities and it’s nice to speak to someone who tries to get me and make me happy. I treat him well and don’t want to waste his time but he definitely has great time with me. He became way more social and confident, I gave him some friends and activities to do, enriched his life. Even a bit too much for my liking because I went from being a “princess” to him being confident he’s totally deserving of me! It’s actually pretty amazing how in a way we both used each other. Also I wanted to build him up but it’s my backfiring strategy.
But yeah, dating should be exciting but the killer thing is I really don’t see much better options, that’s why so many women settle. You’re ok with being single for basically the majority of your life and then you’re kind of done and guys are married. -
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