This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ashley 3 months ago.
January 14, 2019 at 3:17 pm #736091
I just came across this site and it seems like I’m not the only one with boy problems. I just want to share my experiences with you about men.
I was in an 11 year relationship that ended in 2011. I was with him since I was 16. I’m going to be 35 this year. Since 2011, I wasn’t looking for a relationship but during the course of the years, I’ve had guys who were interested in me but for the wrong reasons. They just wanted sex, didn’t want to commit, only wanted to be friends. I’m over my ex that ended in 2011 now. I want to find someone I can share my life with, people have said not to look but I got nothing, people said I need to go out there, still nothing. I’m just at a point in my life now that I’m not gonna have a chance to get married and have kids. I’ve gone to university, knitting clubs, book clubs, nothing.
Really girls, I’m fed up. I’m here to just share my experiences with you guys and just wanting to know whether there’s others out there like me.
Nicola.January 15, 2019 at 6:39 pm #736235
I am really sorry to hear! I empathise! I had 2 LTR that ended, no marriage or kids and turned 31yo. I have dated at least 20 men the pasty year, either met online, introduced via friends or even my barista ! Even from instagram actually!
The ones I liked were only interested in sex, got hurt again. the ones who really liked me..I had no chemistry with.. 0. I have spent countless hours dating, chatting and planning dates …
but in London where I live there are 9 million people and every guy I meet online is on at least 4 more apps (the last one told me this to my face) and they are all hunting for easy sex …I am honestly exhausted. I am pretty, not Candice Swanepoel but pretty/cute, have a good job, a good education, maybe I’m crazy but I should have had a bf by now ..
My only advice is to stay away from online dating, the men on the apps whether free or paid are all the same and have impossible standards too (e.g. one said he likes women who go to the gym 6 times a week !)
Have you tried speed dating or meetup groups? Don’t give up yet, you are only 35. My mom remarried to the love of her life at 53 ! It’s never too late to find love! Look at Meghan Markle, she found love at 34, now having a baby at 37January 15, 2019 at 9:33 pm #736267
Better off single
Keep fighting the good fight which is for yourself. Be happy by yourself and with yourself first. The rest will come to you when you least expect it.January 15, 2019 at 11:01 pm #736275
Op – what you described is very typical… that is pretty much the same experience for everybody… so it is not just you..
Patience, plus know where to compromise, will eventually get you into a good relationship…
I had lots of check boxes when I started dating 6 years ago… I eventually focused on 3 must haves and compromised on all other criteria…in a happy relationship now…
So don’t give upJanuary 16, 2019 at 12:26 pm #736333
You aren’t alone on this. If anyone had a guaranteed answer they would probably be the richest person on the planet lol.
What I’m about to get into is what I find to be a common issue when someone starts feeling they won’t ever find anyone so please don’t take it as I mean your confidence is a problem.
We tend to start thinking we are lacking in this situation. If only we were more attractive (attractive as in anything – physically, smarter, younger, funnier, etc.) then we would have all the confidence in the world…we’d be validated we were attractive because we’d have the proof of being able to get a partner who saw all those things.
1. Validate yourself first – all your qualities exist just the same with or without being with someone else.
2. Be confident in yourself – it may seem like you are competing with the rest of the world but once you realize your only real competition is against your mindset to feel hopeless, you’ve made it something within your control.
3. Fully understand your confidence in who you are makes you attractive, not the other way around.
It’s easier said than done, I know. Just remember it though.
Dating isn’t easy. You’re going to feel higher than high and lower than low. That’s ok. Feel the feels. Having a successful attitude towards dating isn’t marked by being stoic and saying “whatever” when disappointed or not allowing yourself to get excited over something that excites you, or taking on blame for things that aren’t your responsibility – as some people would lead you to believe. It’s about acknowledging if something affected you (good or bad), putting it in perspective, and not allowing it to shake your core confidence.
This might be a little abstract but it really is one of the main things that will guide every single interaction you have. It will let you see and even create opportunities you thought didn’t exist.
Don’t give up on what you want. Btw, you can take online dating or leave it depending how you feel about it. I wouldn’t rely on it as the only source (Remember all those opportunities you’ll be noticing and creating everywhere? :)) but it is an avenue. I’ve met some wonderful guys that way… met not so wonderful ones too lol. They were all opportunities though. Even if the wonderful ones didn’t work for long term, they reminded me just because it didn’t result in happily ever after it didn’t mean there was anything wrong with them as people. That helps applying that lesson to yourself a little bit easier.
Best of luck :)January 16, 2019 at 3:42 pm #736350
It’s very common!! I finally after YEARS met the man for me, but I had many bad experiences. It is so normal. You can be the most awesome woman yet struggle & struggle to find something good. It’s just the way things are today unfortunately. I think technology has made it so difficult. I know it’s cliche but when you stop thinking about it, it will happen :)