I'm fed up of being alone, does anyone ever feel this way?


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This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Nicola 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #736091 Reply

    Nicola

    I just came across this site and it seems like I’m not the only one with boy problems. I just want to share my experiences with you about men.

    I was in an 11 year relationship that ended in 2011. I was with him since I was 16. I’m going to be 35 this year. Since 2011, I wasn’t looking for a relationship but during the course of the years, I’ve had guys who were interested in me but for the wrong reasons. They just wanted sex, didn’t want to commit, only wanted to be friends. I’m over my ex that ended in 2011 now. I want to find someone I can share my life with, people have said not to look but I got nothing, people said I need to go out there, still nothing. I’m just at a point in my life now that I’m not gonna have a chance to get married and have kids. I’ve gone to university, knitting clubs, book clubs, nothing.

    Really girls, I’m fed up. I’m here to just share my experiences with you guys and just wanting to know whether there’s others out there like me.

    Nicola.

    #736235 Reply

    sarah_nlondon

    Hi Nicola,

    I am really sorry to hear! I empathise! I had 2 LTR that ended, no marriage or kids and turned 31yo. I have dated at least 20 men the pasty year, either met online, introduced via friends or even my barista ! Even from instagram actually!

    The ones I liked were only interested in sex, got hurt again. the ones who really liked me..I had no chemistry with.. 0. I have spent countless hours dating, chatting and planning dates …
    but in London where I live there are 9 million people and every guy I meet online is on at least 4 more apps (the last one told me this to my face) and they are all hunting for easy sex …I am honestly exhausted. I am pretty, not Candice Swanepoel but pretty/cute, have a good job, a good education, maybe I’m crazy but I should have had a bf by now ..

    My only advice is to stay away from online dating, the men on the apps whether free or paid are all the same and have impossible standards too (e.g. one said he likes women who go to the gym 6 times a week !)

    Have you tried speed dating or meetup groups? Don’t give up yet, you are only 35. My mom remarried to the love of her life at 53 ! It’s never too late to find love! Look at Meghan Markle, she found love at 34, now having a baby at 37

    #736267 Reply

    Better off single

    Keep fighting the good fight which is for yourself. Be happy by yourself and with yourself first. The rest will come to you when you least expect it.

    #736275 Reply

    Sisi

    Op – what you described is very typical… that is pretty much the same experience for everybody… so it is not just you..

    Patience, plus know where to compromise, will eventually get you into a good relationship…

    I had lots of check boxes when I started dating 6 years ago… I eventually focused on 3 must haves and compromised on all other criteria…in a happy relationship now…

    So don’t give up

    #736333 Reply

    Dani

    Nicola

    You aren’t alone on this. If anyone had a guaranteed answer they would probably be the richest person on the planet lol.

    What I’m about to get into is what I find to be a common issue when someone starts feeling they won’t ever find anyone so please don’t take it as I mean your confidence is a problem.

    We tend to start thinking we are lacking in this situation. If only we were more attractive (attractive as in anything – physically, smarter, younger, funnier, etc.) then we would have all the confidence in the world…we’d be validated we were attractive because we’d have the proof of being able to get a partner who saw all those things.

    That’s backwards.
    1. Validate yourself first – all your qualities exist just the same with or without being with someone else.
    2. Be confident in yourself – it may seem like you are competing with the rest of the world but once you realize your only real competition is against your mindset to feel hopeless, you’ve made it something within your control.
    3. Fully understand your confidence in who you are makes you attractive, not the other way around.

    It’s easier said than done, I know. Just remember it though.

    Dating isn’t easy. You’re going to feel higher than high and lower than low. That’s ok. Feel the feels. Having a successful attitude towards dating isn’t marked by being stoic and saying “whatever” when disappointed or not allowing yourself to get excited over something that excites you, or taking on blame for things that aren’t your responsibility – as some people would lead you to believe. It’s about acknowledging if something affected you (good or bad), putting it in perspective, and not allowing it to shake your core confidence.

    This might be a little abstract but it really is one of the main things that will guide every single interaction you have. It will let you see and even create opportunities you thought didn’t exist.

    Don’t give up on what you want. Btw, you can take online dating or leave it depending how you feel about it. I wouldn’t rely on it as the only source (Remember all those opportunities you’ll be noticing and creating everywhere? :)) but it is an avenue. I’ve met some wonderful guys that way… met not so wonderful ones too lol. They were all opportunities though. Even if the wonderful ones didn’t work for long term, they reminded me just because it didn’t result in happily ever after it didn’t mean there was anything wrong with them as people. That helps applying that lesson to yourself a little bit easier.
    Best of luck :)

    #736350 Reply

    Ashley

    It’s very common!! I finally after YEARS met the man for me, but I had many bad experiences. It is so normal. You can be the most awesome woman yet struggle & struggle to find something good. It’s just the way things are today unfortunately. I think technology has made it so difficult. I know it’s cliche but when you stop thinking about it, it will happen :)

    #747656 Reply

    Nicola

    Hi guys,

    Haven’t been on this site in ages. Thanks for all your answers. It means a lot.

    #747665 Reply

    Better off single

    Just have fun. No expectations. Since you can see through the BS guys who just want sex, get some and move on. I play stupid like I never saw it coming. I used to have this hope I’d find the guy for me and he would be like “yep, that’s her. The one I’m gonna be loyal to and her to me” except in reality, no guy is ever satisfied. I’m not pretty enough and a total loser anyway.

    I’m to the point now where I don’t want to commit to one guy for awhile. They don’t seem to want to commit either. He will really have to impress me to want to.

    I really like the “infatuation” stage and once it’s gone, so am I.

    #747687 Reply

    Stephen

    They say that in the past only 40% of men got to pass on their genes. I think that probably the percentage is lower. It could be that we are entering a period where women will find themselves childless and probably unmarried as well. Women should ask themselves this question:’if relationships and marriage are such a great thing why aren’t men rushing to enter into matrimony? Why is it necessary for women and the media to constantly use insulting terms and shaming language to badger men into marriage?’

    Women who want to pass on their genes will have to take a deep breath and marry Mr.I can live with him,or Mr.Not Bad. By refusing to settle you triple the likelihood of dying childless.

    #747689 Reply

    Sugh

    What a sick fu$k you are Stephen

    #747690 Reply

    Emma

    Nicola, has your luck with men changed? LOL

    #747742 Reply

    Nicola

    No not really.

    I’m still hoping since if people are able to be married and keep it together and be there for one another until death do us part then I can find that as well.

    I just feel like the guys I’ve been with when the going gets tough they don’t want to take it further. When we have had fights I get dumped and they don’t want me anymore whereas I wanted to make it work. One guy told me he couldn’t deal with my crazy but the guy that I’m with should be able to deal with my crazy. Another guy told me that I should improve on myself but he didn’t want to. Shouldn’t couples improve together, not expect your partner to improve and you just stay the way you are. That’s selfish!

    Right now, I am socialising with my friends and not looking and enjoying my time with them. But it would be nice for a guy to chase me and don’t want to let me go and fight for me as much as I would for them but, none that I’ve come across wanted that as much as I do.

    I do get a lot of attention from guys that think I’m attractive but only for sex or I get friendzoned. I’ve never been proposed and thought I must be doing something wrong but I’m just bring myself. If a guy can’t accept me for who I am then he’s not worth it. If a good guy came along I would accept him flaws and all just as long as they’re consistent and honest. That’s all I want from them but I’ve not come across guys like that, even the good guys turn be bad guys. I went out with good guy who made me laugh, who was there for me when I was upset and I treated him the same, we went on holiday together then out of the blue he dumped me and said he didn’t wanna be with me. Three months later he found another woman. I mean I didn’t do or say anything to make him dump me. I was just there for him. Is that so much to ask?

    #747743 Reply

    Nicola

    My friend told me I should be more mysterious but that backfired with one guy because he didn’t know what I want. I then did the opposite where I was open to him but that backfired also because I was too needy. So I can’t win in any situation

    #747752 Reply

    Stephen

    If I had married 15-20 years ago I wouldn’t have had one-third of the money I do today. A wife and children are prohibitively expensive these days. Given the poor economy and the highly unstable job market it is no wonder men are very put off even the thought of marriage.
    My late father could support a wife,two children and a dog on one middle-class salary and have money left over for piano lessons,holidays,wine etc. My sister and brother-in-law have to work full-time just to keep their heads above water.
    My late father also didn’t have to worry about technology and international competition putting him out of work.

    #747754 Reply

    Nicola

    Hi Stephen

    I’m a project manager so I’m quite lucky that I have a good job. Being project manager means I am able to take care of at least one child.

    I just need someone to share that child with but my money is not enough to freeze my eggs unfortunately lol.

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