I'm confused

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jane Doh 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #696126 Reply

    Jane Doh


    So it’s been a while since we’ve spoken and when we speak he seems cold. I gave him space and thought that would do good, but he spends so much time planning things with his friends and not with me I’m scared he lost interest.

    I got mad at him for ignoring me for at least a week and now I told him I need to figure things out and so should he.
    To know we really want to be together, I mean he isn’t close to me so we can’t just go ask each other to hang out. We need to plan it out.

    I’m just so conflicted and I have no idea what to do, I have thought about it but I still love him very much and I want to tell him all the good things that have happened to me when we didn’t talk, but somehow it feels like he isn’t interested in them. Or maybe it’s just me.

    He’s my first boyfriend, long distance and I don’t know if it’s best to just let him go. I don’t know how much time I should give him to think either, because it’s been 3 days right now, but I already feel like I should contact him asking what he wants.

    I do know what I want and in the past I have been a bit clingy, but I thought I changed that a bit and I told him that it’s fine if he does his own thing, but it would be nice to plan some thing sometimes. He was okay with that, we have been in a relationship for more than a year and a half now.

    I would love to know what you guys think I should do, more on how much time I should give him, or if I should just ask if he wants to talk or not.

    Seems like that is the wisest decision honestly. If he tells me I need more time I’ll know I have to wait a bit longer.

    Guess I’m afraid he will leave me, but I am accepting it half of course, more like I will tolerate it if that’s what he wants.

    Thanks guys!

    #696128 Reply

    Savanna ohlala

    Hey girl,

    Give it some time, men are complicated and want some time alone.
    I guess being apart doesn’t boost your confidence as a lady, but he still went for you even if you guys are far apart.

    And as you said, just ask him to be safe, only he can tell you when it’s time to talk or to just let go.

    You seem like the typical girl with her first boyfriend. It’s harder when it’s LD as well.

    The spark you had when you first had contact and for the first few months are never forever, they come back once in a while, but you get used to each other. No more butterflies like they were in the beginning.

    However that doesn’t mean the relationship has lost it’s spark, just try like you’ve been doing and when it feels like he isn’t into it anymore let him go.

    It’s best if you break things off when you feel unhappy or feel like he isn’t into it anymore than to go and have a confusing relationship that will not end up being good for anyone.

    Good luck <3

    #696130 Reply


    Hello Jane,

    I see your problem and I feel the same about my BF, but time apart is a good thing. you can figure out what you really want and find out if you miss the person you are with or not.

    In an LDR it is normal to be apart of course and you might not feel like you miss the person that much, cuss it’s common, but it’ll feel different.

    Just ask him, that’s the best TBH.

    Work it out from there, maybe write some things down you want to tell or ask him so you won’t end up a mess.

    Hope it works out ^^

    #696203 Reply

    Not Heartbroken

    An amazing writer Cheryl Strayed has said “Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”

    It sucks to be in a position of uncertainty. Not knowing how someone feels is never settling. My best advice at this point would be to speak your truth, communicate your feelings honestly and let him talk. If that feels uncomfortable to do, then it probably means it’s over. I’ve learned that most of the time, when a man takes a step back, starts changing his behavior (less attentive, less texting & calling, not as into it as before) he’s already gone. Perhaps he is just scared about starting the conversation. I’m sure he cares and has feelings but perhaps they’ve changed a little. Be prepared for the worst and be hopeful for the best. No matter what, take it gracefully.

    Believe in yourself no matter what. If he’s worth it, then tell him. If he isn’t treating you how you know you deserve, and you’re left feeling alone, that is no relationship you want. You are a wonderful woman deserving someone who makes you feel special.

    #696206 Reply


    How long have you been together?

    You said you are “not close”, you feel you can’t just simply talk to him, tell him about things, this is NOT right.

    When “confusion” comes in, usually it means this: a woman knows things need to end but she overrides her feelings, her gut feelings and even her reason.

    I’d feel suffocated in this type of a “relationship”, sad, unappreciated, etc etc. Is this what you want for yourself? Why?

    Do not cling on to something that is not working well. It is understandable that breaking up is hard but clinging on is not the answer. You do need to be brave and strong if you want to have good things in life, including relaitnships. LOL

    #696208 Reply


    Look at your post and how many times it has the word “I” in it.

    How does he feel? Have you even asked him? If not, that’s the first thing to do.

    If you have, what does he say?

    #696214 Reply


    No contact for a week is not good. Personally I would walk and find someone who shows more interest instead of trying to fix this one.

    That is my opinion.

    #696288 Reply

    Jane Doh

    So we kind of broke up, i’m hurt he doesn’t care or it feels like it, but its better to move on now then to wait and feel like this all the time.

    He lived in ireland so it’s a while to get to him.

    I felt like i was the only one trying to be together. we didn’t talk much he just told me it was better to get things in order for both of us.

    He just games all the time so im super mad so ill be rambling here sorry.

    i’ll be moving on because he clearly didn’t care enough, we were together for almost two years, yet he never actually planned going to me i had to ask him to plan things out.

    i’m hurt and want to delete him from everything but i want to see him hurt as well which is a bit of a bitch move from me.

    guess i’ll be mad for a while and sad but its better to go and have fun on my own now with firned and people that do care. thanks for the advice to bad sometimes it will not work out

    #696289 Reply

    Jane Doh

    And yes redcurleysue that’s what i’ll be doing i love you guys <3

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