This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 1 year, 1 month ago.
June 12, 2019 at 5:12 pm #753476
During almost 2 years of long distance relationship, my boyfriend has been a wonderful man and we were getting serious, talking about marriage and kids and etc. About 4 months ago, I started experiencing symptoms of depression and bad mood swings, and my boyfriend has been extremely patient and understanding. Over the course of the time, I became selfish and disrespectful, and this past weekend my boyfriend broke down crying, asking for space. He told me I should still let him know if something happens or I’m going through a really hard time, but he wanted to spend some time alone because he was so tired. He also asked me not to hate or resent him. We talked about our boundaries, deciding no contact during the day except to say good night before going to bed, and that we would keep our profile pictures of us together and that we wouldn’t be seeing other people. This break was supposed to last a month.
After I came home, he texted me asking if I made it home safely and if I was okay. I’ve talked to a couple of close friends who said I should be honest, so I told him I wasn’t doing okay. We skyped briefly that night, and he was crying throughout the call, I apologized that I didn’t treat him right and I want him to be happy, so I promised a full week of no contact and he agreed to it.
The next day, I realized there was something happening at his work that he was particularly stressed about, and I ended up texting him not to stress too much and hoped he has a good week. He got back go me asking if I was okay and again, I told him that honestly I wasn’t. He wanted to call me after work but I told him he didn’t have to. He told me a couple of things that was happening to his life, then thanked me for always being supportive. He also told me he was still sad and he needs more time, sorry to bother me. I then realized that talking to me didn’t help him at all and apologized for breaking my promise for no contact and told him he didn’t have to worry about me because I was doing well and he should focus on making himself happy. He said ok and I decided never to contact him again, at least for the time I promised him no contact.
He’s been texting me everyday since then to see if I’m okay. I’ve been trying to be nice, telling him I’m doing well and hoped he was doing well too, but no more than that. I don’t want to be rude because I was the one to make him unhappy but at the same time I’m seeing many comments that I shouldn’t be too available. I really do want him back and although I know I’m being selfish, I would like him to give me a second chance. I’m going to therapy and started working out and started taking medicine to help with anxiety/depression as well. I just want a better chance of getting him back.
Would you still advise that I become more unavailable? Thank you in advanceJune 12, 2019 at 5:24 pm #753480
Better off single
I’m going to therapy and started working out and started taking medicine to help with anxiety/depression as well.
Good for you.
Do that because you want to make yourself better not to get a guy back. All he asked for was space so he can get his own head back in the right place. Stay Focused.June 12, 2019 at 5:57 pm #753484
This is a break so treat it as such.
In this time you really need to focus on your health and well being.
It takes time to really change your behavior and deal with depression. He may decide in the long run this isn’t a relationship he wants to be in.
Again focus more on improving your behaviors and health because whether you get back with him or not it can effect future relationships.June 13, 2019 at 12:42 am #753515
you guys are being silly. if your taking a break then cut off contact and rethink and evaluate where you guys are at. if you keep messaging then why don’t you guys just get together and air your differences. discuss if both of you can work around your differences and then start afresh..June 13, 2019 at 7:45 am #753527
I agree with Tammy. He can’t ask for a break and then keep treating you like a girlfriend, or worse ‘friendzonning’ you which is the worst position you could put yourself into. The only way to turn this around IMO is to not respond and let him fully feel what his life without you in it will feel like. Right now he’s getting to live like a single man while keeping you in ‘girlfriend’ mode and that’s not OK…he can’t have his cake (be single) and eat it too (keep treating you like his girlfriend when you’re not).
I don’t think this break is going to work if you’re not actually taking a break from each other. Its only delaying the break up which is what he wants but is too weak because he see’s you as his ‘crutch’ (someone to vent to) than a partner. It sounds like this relationship is an overly co-dependent one v. an interdependent one. Need to accept its not healthy, its sick, and unless you BOTH (key word) do something to change this dynamic its going to exhaust itself and die anyways. He’s not doing anything, staying stuck, and using you as his crutch—the real question is ‘how long do you want to keep propping this man up”?