Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › I think he has ghosted me… now what?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by
Liz Lemo.
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Luna
I think this guy ghosted me… I haven’t heard from him in 10 days now, but he’s alive since he has been online on whatsapp.
I guess you might be wondering why I haven’t texted him first? Well, I wanted to know if he would reach out first… I guess that’s my answer.
The thing is that I’m feeling so awful because I have no one else to blame but myself. I let him in again thinking things would be different but I was so mistaken.
I’m also feeling sadness, anger, I’m feeling like I’m not enough and I keep thinking “maybe he found someone else”, I shouldn’t care about that but I do.
So yeah, my self-esteem has been hit and my heart literally aches because I was developing feelings for him. I’m such a fool.
I can’t focus on anything and every day is such a struggle. I’m not even enjoying the things I love.
Sorry for the depressing post but I need some help and some hope, especially from those who have gone through this.Luna
posted before last week http://www.anewmode.com/topic/this-situation-makes-me-quite-anxious/ and I guess this is an update and I also came back for advice.
Kay
Hey! I’m having the same thing. I told him I liked him but he ignored that message, first he said he wanted to talk more because he ‘missed’ but he didn’t. I wished him a happy new year and he didn’t even answer that. Okay so this too much and irrelevant information, but I have learned so much of this childish behavior! And keep your mind busy with things you like (example:drawing, working out etc). It sounds harsh but he doesn’t care or is really busy.. Idk how he is like. Don’t feel awful for yourself, feel awful for him because he lost a girl that truly cared about him. You could also keep him on your socials but chances are that he could come back and then it’s your time to ignore him, untill he comes with a good reason, you can decide if you forgive him or not. Also sorry for my bad English
Elvira
Hi Luna I read your original post and there was some good advice on there, not sure what advice you want. I think you need to work on your self esteem and anxiety. You have not met this guy in person, you are 3 hours away from each other and your conversations with him seem too intense for people who have not met. In your mind you have already established a relationship with someone you don’t even know. Trying to maintain a relationship online is difficult and a place holder IMO.
When I was dating I was talking to a man on the phone who lived in another state. This was before Covid so meeting was easier, however after several weeks I stopped hearing from him (I did not call him). Deep down I knew this was not a sustainable relationship despite him saying his previous one started long distance. I needed to see him in person and actually spend time with him to see if I would want something more. I didn’t mind speaking on the phone but that too turned into too much work, so once we stopped talking I was OK with it. It has nothing to do with you it has to do with the fact that it is not an easy relationship to maintain, without becoming bored with the constant talking/texting. It makes the situation “feel” real because of the constant communication in the beginning, but unless you are seeing each other or had a relationship prior to the distance, developing a relationship online is not sustainable. One person will eventually realize it is not what they want.Liz Lemo
It’s important to remember that women bond through words, but men bond through sharing activities. It’s really hard to maintain a relationship (not to mention build one from scratch) if you are not physically with a guy, doing stuff together. I don’t mean sex, I mean spending time together in person going on dates and doing things together that create positive experiences (walks in the park, bike rides, going out to eat, going to shows, whatever). That’s what makes a guy fall for you- not talking. There are articles about this on this website, you should read them and check them out.
In order for a guy to fall for you, he has to have positive experiences; words alone won’t do it. A woman will fall for a man she’s never met over words (which you seem to have done) but men are just not wired that way, for the most part. I don’t know if this will help at all but I hope it helps you realize it’s nothing to do with you.
In the future I’d avoid intense conversations with guys you haven’t met, as you seem to get very attached. Date locally. It’s very difficult to start dating someone who is far away. LDRs are hard enough when there is already an established in-person relationship before the physical separation happens; it’s almost impossible to build a new relationship over a long distance. I’m not saying it never happens, but the vast majority of the time it does not work.
I wouldn’t waste any more time on this guy if I were you. In your other post Newbie said this guy is a time waster and e-tetherer, I think that sounds true. He is not available for a relationship. What you had was a fantasy. You should let go of that and move on.
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