This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by L 2 months, 1 week ago.
May 14, 2019 at 4:36 pm #749900
I moved in with my fiance over a year ago. I was just leaving a position and starting my own practice which would allow me to have more flexibility and work from home most of the time. We discussed this prior to me moving in and he made it sound like it would be a wonderful situation if we decided to have kids. I agreed. The other tidbit of information is that he has six rescue dogs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love animals. I thought I would be fine with the situation. Love it, actually.
A few months in I realized that they were not essentially “his” dogs. He had gotten them all for his ex. She never lived with him but she would come over to watch and play with them a couple hours a day. She has literally the same breed of dogs now. It was very odd to me. Instead of taking her dogs, she just went and replaced them all. Anyways. I know this sounds ridiculous but I started being resentful. Like I was taking care of her dogs because she didn’t want to have responsibility. And trust me, six dogs may not be six kids but they are a lot of work. My idea of having my practice from home was a lot more difficult. He doesn’t want me leaving them for more than a couple hours at a time. So I’m home, not much of a life outside of work, as well as sacrificing my professional success because of the fact my fiance’s ex wanted dogs but didn’t want to take care of them.
Not only, the whole “kids” situation just disappeared. We have had conversations but he says how he wants to me to get more professionally established and then we can start thinking about. So him wanting me to stay home had nothing to do with US having children, but him wanting me to watch over the dogs.
I brought this up to my fiance and he just said “fine we will get rid of them”. He knows how attached I am to them and how much I love animals in general. So he knows that getting rid of them is out of the question now. And now I’m angry with him because I felt like he should have told me this to begin with and given me that option before I got attached. I told him I’m going to start working out of an office again and all he said was that we will have more money to pay someone to come look after the dogs so that I “shouldn’t worry about it”.
It’s just such a weird situation that I never thought I would be having an issue with. But I feel like I was mislead. And even used a little. Am I crazy for feeling this way?May 14, 2019 at 5:17 pm #749907
I been reading this forum for a few years but this sure is a first. Not only do you take care of the dogs bit hos ex has a similar mirror dog family at her home. Did you not know he had 6 rescue dogs before you moved in?
But anyway, i should make this his problem. Because it is. Let him find a solution without penning you or your money in as a part of the solution.
Personally i would question his mental state a bit as in, how in the world did he even get all of them in the first place. I love dogs just as you, but i would have no issue giving a few away to good homes as long as youre sure you want to keep the financeMay 14, 2019 at 5:42 pm #749910
Love animals, definitely a dog person. But six is a bit much.
That said, you stated that you dont want him to get rid of them so I’m not sure how you want this situation to be fixed. In order to get on right with your profession and future plans you need to lose at least half of them. And the fact they were originally taken in for the ex makes them even more uhm.. not yours.
It’s sad to give them away but its necessary. Your hands are full with them and it might not be very healthy to have a baby around so many doggos. I agree your boyfriend should be the one to do something about it. Let him.May 14, 2019 at 5:59 pm #749913
I don’t understand. You knew he had the dogs before you moved in didn’t you? You never stayed over prior and saw how much work it was? Who was watching them before you moved in. None of this makes sense right down to you saying he shouldn’t get rid of the dogs. You sound immature and kinda dumb. How did you not get attached to the dogs before if this is a man you have known for awhile. At least long enough to now be engaged?
They weren’t the exes dogs. They are his and she just came to see them.
You angry he didn’t tell you this so you had the option? Seriously? Option for what? This supposedly is a guy you love and want to marry.
Anyhow just pay a service to take care of them during the day. I think your bigger issue is about kids but then you aren’t even married yet.May 14, 2019 at 6:28 pm #749918
From your description of the situation, I don’t see these dogs as his ex’s. They’re his dogs, you have built an emotional connection to them. Don’t worry about who he was dating when he got them. Since you two are engaged I would guess you’ve known him for more than a few months. You knew the dogs were there.
I don’t know if it’s your responsibility to pay to have someone walk the dogs. They shouldn’t need a baby sitter though.
I would question his attempt to guilt you though. That line about getting rid of the dogs was him trying to manipulate you. Does he do that often? That would be a red flag. I don’t think you should feel used, unless there’s other things going on.May 14, 2019 at 6:41 pm #749923
You’re complaining about something that happened a year ago?May 14, 2019 at 8:29 pm #749931
Sweet little lies
You’re mad about the dogs. You resent that they belonged to his ex and she just abandoned them. He offers a solution to make your life easier you get mad about that. (because that would make you like the ex?) as long as they’re fed and cared for dogs really don’t really care who they belong to. There’s just no pleasing you is there?May 14, 2019 at 9:10 pm #749935
OMG meaning responding person with the title Omg, you seriously need to chill and not become the biggest btch on here. Take it with a pitch of salt like dating you know 😄May 14, 2019 at 10:45 pm #749959
I speak the truth. And yes she sounds like an idiot. She’s engaged to the guy and knew she was moving in with six dogs. They weren’t the exes dogs. They are his and she is too stupid to get that concept or cone up with a way to deal. Dogs don’t need 24/7 care and there are dog sitters, doggie day care, you name it. Her bigger issue is with him. Now he doesn’t want kids. Women tend to post on here about sub topics and not the real topic. You too are too stupid to get that. She said she is engaged to a man who changed his mind about having kids. That’s the main issue and not who walks the damn dogs.May 14, 2019 at 11:14 pm #749970
Well, yeah, six dogs require full time monitoring. Unless y cage them for hours at a time, which is cruel.
Point is, hes your fiance, so when is the wedding. If there is no date, and venues rented, etc., he is not really your fiance.May 15, 2019 at 2:17 am #749983
He sounds like a rude and selfish man. I would leave him and his six dogs to it and get on with your life. XMay 15, 2019 at 2:19 am #749984
Who took care of them when you didn’t live there? Thus story makes no sense.May 15, 2019 at 5:02 am #749993
OMG, if you know it all why don’t you start your own site so people can sign up for your abuse. Why waste your time posting on everything to tell everyone they’re stupid? Do you really not have a life or are you so insecure that you have to dump on people to feel better about yourself? You’re a total bitch and not welcome here.May 15, 2019 at 8:16 am #750001
To be honest it sounds like you’re the one who set this all up and he agreed to it because it sounds like you didn’t want the ex coming over to care for the dogs and working from the house was the best way to remove her from the picture. It doesn’t matter how the dogs came into existence, it was obviously something he and his ex had in common and shared the love of dogs prior to them splitting up.
The fact remains, he is coming up with a SOLUTION, which is 100% reasonable and your shooting that down too and making him look like the bad guy in all this when its been YOUR IDEA the entire time, its now backfired and yet your too stubborn to solve or fix it. You have two choices: 1) stick to YOUR AGREEMENT and keep watching all the dogs; or 2) find good homes for at least four of them and allow for the time and room to raise a child if that’s what you really want.
What is more important to you….raising dogs or children?May 15, 2019 at 10:16 am #750015
When did Newbie become the police on this site? I love how her method of preventing bullying is to call other posters b*tches! She’s the biggest hypocrite here!
I happen to agree with some of what Omg is saying. She moved in a year ago! Why is this just now become a problem? Certainly the ex hasn’t seen these dogs in over a year and they aren’t her dogs, they’re his!! The only reason she all the sudden has a problem with them is because now all talk of future kids has disappeared and the point of him wanting her to work from home was about the dogs.May 15, 2019 at 1:30 pm #750037
Love ya Carolyn! Nebiie and anon apparently police the sire and know more than anyone else.May 15, 2019 at 3:33 pm #750068
Bullies and just plain rude people always claim they are the truthbringers but guess what, this site is opened for the exact opposite reason. Its meant to be a forum where vunerable people mostly women can ask question they are layne embarrashed to talk about with partners or knowing deep down they are in the wrong relationship and need some perspective. Calling them idiots, morons, crazy might make you feel good, knowing you saw just right their act, but serves no purpose to what this site stands for. And i know that, because i Read the posting guidelines. And the general site which is filled with articles from Eric and sabrina to empower women. So go ahead, bash away. But it says more about you than the people that ask for advice. Like most women here i know what its like to delude yourself about love and im 100% sure all of the bullies probably too. But yet, they call someone crazy still having hope. Its pretty human But i guess you forgot what that felt like.May 15, 2019 at 3:35 pm #750070
Its also very telling you come back cluttering together protesting. I thought you liked the truth?May 15, 2019 at 3:38 pm #750072
You and anon are in the same page of being victims and foolish.May 15, 2019 at 3:38 pm #750074
I say same thing as Lane. And you bash me . Who are real bullies?May 15, 2019 at 3:45 pm #750076
Its the tone that makes all the difference. Didnt you call someone crazy after she got a text from her ex asking what it meant? You call me foolish for what? Follow this site in the spirit it was created for?
Arent you also one of the lane bullies? What make lane different from all you Wow/Omg/ etc etc is that she treats every poster as one that could write here for the forst time. I actually applaud her for explaining her point of view maybe millions of times. It may seem you heard it all, but it wasnt meant for you in the first place. Youre just a regualr visitorMay 15, 2019 at 4:51 pm #750084
Wow. The array of responses on here is… interesting.
First of all, to anyone that decided to be rude and simply call me an idiot rather than perhaps asking to clarify…. Thanks but no thanks. I needed a outsider perspective, a helpful one. Not a rude reply from a bitter person. I’m going to elect just to ignore you.
Secondly, I wasn’t clear with a few things. But rather than taking the time and effort to do so, I’m not going to bother. This was obviously not the right place to come in the first place.
I’m sure most of you have been in a position where you are upset and acting more emotionally than applying logic to a situation. You need to vent. And it helps to have people show you there is another way to look at a situation, regardless of how ridiculous it may seem. This forum is an example of how women have become with one another and it’s truly disappointing. Just wow. I will never be coming on here again.
Lastly, to those of you that attempted to help, thank you. It truly does mean something to know that there are at least a few kind people left.May 15, 2019 at 7:02 pm #750094
I’m confused! You didn’t know you were moving in and taking care of six dogs?