This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Cloe 4 days, 19 hours ago.
March 14, 2019 at 4:42 pm #742889
My ex and I broke up about a month ago. It was semi-mutual. He said he couldn’t give me what I wanted and I said I couldn’t be with someone who was unsure about our future so I reluctantly walked away he reluctantly let me go. Lot’s of tears involved. It was complicated. Anyway we spent about two weeks not talking to each other. Then he hit me up – I don’t remember what we spoke about, but we ended up saying how much we missed just having someone to talk to etc. So now, we talk. Nothing crazy. We keep each other updated on things – job promotions, family passing away, aunts giving birth, etc.
I’m not gonna lie I still love him alot. And unless he’s the actor of the century I think he loved me very much when we were together, and I don’t think love disappears in a month. I still get excited when I get a text from him. And the two weeks when we weren’t talking to each other were total misery compared to the little chats we have here and there now.
So my question is – are we making a mistake? We will not get back together. We want different things. But I’m wondering if it’s a bad thing that we still talk. I’m wondering if we should have waited until at least a few months, when our feelings for each other were not as strong, before we started talking again? I’m wondering if there are consequences of talking so soon after the break-up…March 14, 2019 at 5:09 pm #742890
Of course there are consequences!! It will keep you from being able to move on. You are using each other as a crutch to not actually go through the emotions from the breakup up and heal. It’s like someone trying to quit smoking so they try to only smoke one or two a day instead quitting of cold turkey. Or an alcoholic trying to have just one drink. You aren’t doing yourself any favors. And when one of you starts seeing someone it’s going to put you right back to square one. You can’t be friends with someone you are still in love with.March 14, 2019 at 5:16 pm #742891
No, he doesn’t love you. Open your eyes. If he did -you would still be together. People don’t break up with people they love. They want to spend every moment together in person not talking on the phone. He doesn’t love you because he doesn’t want a relationship with you. HE TOLD YOU THIS. Why are you still wasting your time entertaining him?March 14, 2019 at 5:35 pm #742893
Avoid this situation. You need to move forward without him. You can’t give him all the benefits of being in a relationship without the commitment (he’s using you as an emotional support). It’s a recipe for a disaster: he knows you want him. It’s an ego boost for him and he can easily date other women and sleep with them with the comfort that you’ll always be there somehow. He chose to lose you. That’s what he wanted. Give him a taste of what a life without you is like. Why do you settle for being the one he talks to when he feels lonely or bored?
Tell him you still appreciate him a lot, but that you need to take time for yourself. It doesn’t mean you will never talk to each other again or be friends. It just means you took a decision and you’re no longer together.
When my ex broke up with me, we went into no contact for many months. It helped me a lot to move on and I appreciate the fact that he didn’t hit me up when he felt lonely or something. He didn’t want to be with me anymore. It happens and it’s definitely not the end of the world.
He asked how I’ve been a few months ago and we started talking again casually. I consider him as a friend now and we get along this way. I don’t hate him. We just didn’t feat as a couple. I wouldn’t be able to tell you this today if I didn’t take time and space to move on.
You don’t know what the future holds. How can you make place for the right man if you still live in the past? I understand that your breakup is recent and that you need time, but you need to understand that you can’t heal if you keep burning yourself by leaving your hand in the fire.March 14, 2019 at 7:06 pm #742895
You have to remember why you choose to walk away. Which was that he couldnt give you what you want, meaning you want to find Someone else to find that with.
I dont think its all black and white and i also dont think he didnt love you. But not enough for whatever reason.
You took take step for yourself. Stay focused on that.
If you do chose to stay in contact with him, you really have to force yourself not to get carried away. A text here and there, fine but dont go hanging out and dont have sex with him.
There is no solid receipe for healing from a break up. No contact is what a lot of women prefer. For me it never worked really. I got in fantasy land picturing he would come running back. I used the contact to see the guy for what he is and the love feelings slowly faded away. With your guy, you know can only think he must love you deeply, but you must have also felt he wasnt all in. Or you would have never gotten to that conclusion and he let you go. So he is scared? Boo hoo. And cried? Double boo hoo. You see where i am going l? He doesnt need to be on a pedestalMarch 14, 2019 at 7:14 pm #742896
How would you feel if he started seriously dating a new woman? If it would hurt you, then you’re not ready to be friends with him.March 14, 2019 at 8:04 pm #742897
No more foolish games
You want different things. It’s better if you just move on.March 14, 2019 at 11:48 pm #742915
Better off single
It’s not like he’s a digital entity playing mind games with you to see where your head is at and all you want to do is live life like a normal person avoiding getting lost in fantasy land while giving up hope he would show up, contact you as the real person to explain himself, wishing he would just completely let you go so you could get over it and move on yourself.
I don’t see anything wrong with staying in contact with your ex as long as those feelings are not there on both ends. You said you’re not getting back together you want different things so what is the point in staying in contact really? It’s great that you still care about him but is it really enough to continue?March 15, 2019 at 12:04 am #742916
You can not be friends with someone you have feelings for…March 15, 2019 at 8:49 am #742925
Hi guys this was all really helpful and super eye opening. We are both using each other as emotional crutches so as not to deal with the pain of the breakup :( . And you’re right if he loved me enough we would be together. I’m gonna have to deal with no-contact, but as hard as it will be now, it’ll save me a world of hurt in the future.