This topic contains 50 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Mandy 1 month ago.
December 5, 2017 at 11:12 am #670931
Moderator update: Hi everyone, this topic started in December 2017, but has been revived by the original poster in July 2020. Please be mindful of the dates on posts as you read and respond. Thanks!
Had been dating guy for a little over a month. Sex was amazing and it seems lately that’s all we did. I know it was quick but we started not using protection.
Three days ago, I blocked his messages and calls because I was angry and starting to develop feelings for him that I wasn’t sure he shared. He called me from anonymous numbers and sent messages begging for me to speak to him and to unblock him, which I did. He came over the next night and after unprotected sex, I inquired if he was indeed only sleeping with me and only have unprotected sex with me. He said no and nonchalantly replied, “I’ll use protection from now on”.
When I sought a further explanation on why his answer had changed because he had previously told me I was the only one, he repeated his answer and reached for a condom to have sex again and I slapped his face and got out of bed.
He came behind me and asked me was I crazy and started to put on his clothes to leave. I stopped him and apologized and explained that I had gotten emotional and it was my fault for putting my health in a man’s hands that I barely knew and felt he was very nonchalant about whole thing. He was very angry and kept saying how no woman has ever slapped him and how he could rearrange my face if he wanted, but that he wouldn’t retaliate.
This conversation went around in circles for an hour or more with him saying he thought I was normal and now he see’s that I was a covert crazy woman. He then asked me to delete all the pictures we had taken together. I refused and said that he was overreacting. We then had unprotected sex again and I fell asleep only to be awoken again in a couple of hours with him talking about his anger at my haven slapped him. He said he couldn’t sleep now because maybe I would stab him in his sleep. He said, “I don’t know what you will do anymore.”
I assured him he was exaggerating and that I was just emotional and it was wrong what I did. He said that my emotions was not his problem and that did not give me a right to assault him. He then questioned why I slept with him with no condom and said he didn’t force me and didn’t rape me and it was my decision.
We ended up having sex again for over an hour at which during, he slapped me twice harder than I had slapped him. The second time, I grabbed his hand and said, “You’ve hit me back, we are even now… don’t hit me again.” He said that we were not even and got a little aggressive during sex, slightly choking me. Did I enjoy it? Slightly, yes.
We then went to sleep and he again woke me up in an hour fully dressed talking about what happened. We ordered food as about 10 hours had now passed from the original slap at 2 am. It was not 12 noon. We ate, laughed, talked. We then had sex again and I fell asleep again to be woken up to him dressed saying he’s leaving and no woman will ever slap him and that he is a strong man and how dare I.
He said he wished he had never met me and I was crazy. I was growing tired of this merry go round, and basically just listened. We hugged and had sex again and afterwards we talked and I said maybe to keep confusion and emotions down, we should just use a condom for now on. He said he thought that was best also.
In about an hour, he started kissing my back and caressing me and attempted to penetrate me without a condom. It was now about 4 pm. I stopped him and handed him a condom in which he tossed on the floor, got off of me, and laid down away from me.
I fell asleep and in an hour, he again woke me up fully dressed and said he was leaving. I walked him to the door and he would usually turn to kiss me, but didn’t. I grabbed his shoulder and asked what was going on. He said you slapped me and it’s over…. no woman hits me.
I knew I was wrong to hit him, but thought we had made up and he had forgiven me. I said that I was confused and he repeated that it was over.
I then just reopened the door and he walked out and left.
When he left, I sent him two messages on whatsapp and he read them and then blocked me and deleted me from facebook. I called his phone several times with no answer.
Did he overreact or did I cause all this mess myself? We also work together and I just don’t know what he will say and do. I didn’t feel we were enemies enough to block each other permanently and he slept with me all day unprotected and to just leave and just do that without a further conversation is hurtful and made me feel used.
I don’t think he’s pretending and feel he is really done.
Is he a douche bag or did I just blow it by losing control and becoming violent first? Is there anyway to reconcile this? Should I speak to him at work or NO!!!
I saw him yesterday at work, two days after incident. He was sitting in the coffee shop where I have never seen him before (In two months, I’ve only ran into him twice at work, this being the second time) and just ordered my coffee as I chatted and smiled with other workers and then left without saying a word. He, however, has asked me before why we don’t ever see each other at work and I told him that I usually just go to the coffee shop and that’s it and he told me then, “Oh that’s why… I never go to the coffeeshop.”
Anyway… was he there to see me or just a coincidence? As of now, three days later, going into the fourth day, I am still blocked from contacting him. I have not called since that first day he blocked me either from my number or another just so you know. I will respect his decision, but my hope is to be unblock.
Please help and sorry for the typos as I typed in a rush.December 5, 2017 at 11:17 am #670934
W.T.F.December 5, 2017 at 11:31 am #670937
Raven, why so mean? Obviously she is seeking advice.December 5, 2017 at 11:31 am #670938
You’re both crazy.
If you see him or have sex with him again after all this BS, you deserve whatever you get. And you could get raped or beaten pretty badly or choked into unconsciousness. But you might enjoy it, slightly.December 5, 2017 at 11:33 am #670939
Please explain how we are both crazy. Who was more at fault? Am I blocked forever? Please don’t tell me you have never wanted or needed closure. Can you analyze the situation please? ThanksDecember 5, 2017 at 11:36 am #670941
Jennifer, if it’s not obvious she got herself into this and is asking for big big trouble if she sees him again… then you’re as hopeless as she is. WTF is a fair comment to this situation.December 5, 2017 at 11:37 am #670942
No Mandy. I will not analyze. This is just plain crazy. If you can’t figure that out you need to see a therapist.December 5, 2017 at 11:39 am #670943
Okay StrippedKitty!!! Maybe I do need to see a therapist, but I came here for advice and thanks for the amount you’ve given. I need bluntness and the truth!December 5, 2017 at 11:40 am #670944
This is a big old mess. I think its best you two don’t see each other again.
I think you need a break from dating altogether.
You acted immaturely by blocking him because you weren’t sure if a man you knew only one month had the same feelings as you, had unprotected sex, slapped the man, he slapped you, and you had sex with him again.
Please work on yourself before you get involved with anyone again.
There are too many things that went wrong for you to be considering seeing hi or anyone at the moment.December 5, 2017 at 11:41 am #670945
Got myself into it by slapping him or starting the sexual relationship too quickly and then catching feelings? Big Big trouble… how? I’m blocked and obviously he has more esteem than me it seems as he did not and would not tolerate violence against him.December 5, 2017 at 11:44 am #670947
Thanks Khadija!! I actually blocked him because of that reason but also because I told asked him to help me move and he said he was out of town. I felt he should have offered knowing I was moving so was feeling neglected and also because I felt the feelings were not be reciprocated. But, he drove back in town to help me and this happened then. Sigh… I feel so bad. Thanks for your weigh in.December 5, 2017 at 12:21 pm #670952
I stand by my original comment = W.T.F.
Do you like abusive guys?
It’s all drama…
& please, @ least make your ‘safe’ word known.December 5, 2017 at 12:28 pm #670955
You had every right to slap him if you ask me. You were having unprotected sex and he was sleeping with others and lied about it! But what you should have done after you slapped him was walked out and never seen him again. Why on earth did you have unprotected sex like 5 times with a guy you know is sleeping around? You need to stop dating for a while because your behavior is dangerous and immature. Lying about not being sexually exclusive should be a deal breaker for any self-respecting woman.December 5, 2017 at 12:47 pm #670960
You showed him your crazy. We all have a bit of crazy but this is too much! You were just hooking up. You weren’t exclusive, no promises were made and you slapped him for being honest with you? He now has no respect for you and doesn’t feel safe with you now. He told you how he felt. He made it clear.
Why did he stay and have more sex? Maybe he thought he could get over the slap but couldn’t. My ex was violent to me once, I tried to get over it and couldn’t. Or maybe you were just there and he likes sex! Who knows.
Please please get STI tested! This man likes sex and doesn’t like condoms. That puts you at significant risk.
I think you’re right and you seriously need to look at your self esteem. You fell for this man but let yourself stay in a hookup situation, you let him have unprotected sex when you know he’s sleeping around, you accepted him assaulting you twice and you want him back after he blocked you.
You don’t seem to have much impulse control either with the slapping and getting angry over nothing.
Work on yourself for a bit. Get centred and balanced before you find another man.December 5, 2017 at 1:01 pm #670967
You are an emotional wreck! There are so many things wrong with this situation that I don’t even know where to start! From what you’ve written sex is the only thing your “relationship” is based on. You screw, fall asleep, wake and screw, fall asleep, wake up and screw and maybe get something to eat. Okay, so first never date a guy you work with. Period. End of story. Second, if you are developing feelings for a guy and don’t know where he stands don’t me an immature little b*tch and block his messages and calls. Have an adult conversation with him. Third, the man is not your boyfriend so don’t expect him to move your crap. Fourth, don’t have unprotected sex if you haven’t established you are in an exclusive relationship, Fifth, don’t slap a man just because he’s honest with you and telling you he’s f*cking other girls and not just you. Sixth, never entertain the idea of having a relationship with a man who threatens to rearrange your face if he wants and then slaps the sh*t out of you during sex to get back at you. Seventh, if a man wants to leave let him leave and don’t allow him to continue to tell you he wished he never met you, and that you’re crazy and then keep having sex with him. Where’s your freaking self esteem? Eighth, you feel used because you were used! He knew the whole time he wasn’t going to put up with you slapping him yet he hung around and kept screwing you until he was done with you. Ninth, do not call him, do not message him, do not look at him or engage with him at work. He told you it’s over and you need to respect that and you shouldn’t have messaged him after he left. And tenth and finally you need to learn to get your crazy under control if you actually want to have a real relationship.December 5, 2017 at 1:38 pm #670979
Thanks Devil’s Advocate! What can I say… not much because you nailed it completely and I needed the truth? Yes, he used me and I’m more angry at myself for allowing it. I will work on building my self esteem as it is seriously lacking. I have not and will not engage him at work. I proved that the other day. I feel horrible and will get tested for STI in 3 and 6 months respectively as he is a nympho and I guess I am too but he was first guy I slept with unprotected in years. Such a dumb mistake and anyone as experienced as himorany man for that matter I should have been careful. He has had me sucking his thumb during interactions several time. God help me!!! Thanks againDecember 5, 2017 at 1:40 pm #670980
I concur Hanna! He likes sexand not conndoms. I should have been smarter and more mature. Thanks for weighing in.December 5, 2017 at 1:47 pm #670981
This is ridiculous. I’m with Raven. I hope the OP realizes it was completely crazy to NOT kick this man out as soon as she found out what a creep this he is. Not to mention who knows if you’ve contracted any STI’s from him.
And then to sleep with him again???? He threatens you, slaps you and sounds like a lunatic.
This whole thing sounds sick. WTF WTF and WTF.
OP, please never see him again, block his number, never speak to him and get some counseling.
It’s scary that you don’t see how sick this whole situation is. I really hope you get some help. A woman who is emotionally healthy, has self esteem and good boundaries, would never allow ANY of this.December 5, 2017 at 2:20 pm #670998
Thanks Phillygirl!!! Well, he blocked me so talking to him is impossible anyway! Mission higher self esteem I will focus on! Would you mind elaborating on why he sounds like a lunatic?December 5, 2017 at 3:03 pm #671014
Mandy, I’m sorry. I can’t even….
Why he sounds like a lunatic? Please just re-read everything already said. And I’m sorry, but you’re behavior wasn’t much better.
I’m serious when I suggest therapy in this instance, because if you don’t understand how wrong this entire situation is, I don’t think I can explain it.December 5, 2017 at 9:14 pm #671103
You have to learn to value yourself. No man will ever value and respect you if you don’t. Take care.December 5, 2017 at 10:02 pm #671114
I am with raven and Amanda.
He lied to you, did he not? he lied that he is only sleeping with you. You had all reasons to be mad (but being violent is another thing, however in the past women always slapped men, watch those old black and white movies, and men seemed to like them more after that). LOL
Regardless, violence is a not good. hitting someone is bad. LOL
You never should have unprotected sex until you are almost married. Never. Like never. In any situation.
You then had sex, again unprotected, with the guy who lied to you in a BIG way.
And now all you are concerned about is why you are blocked.
I agree that if you don’t see this, it will be impossible to explain to you. How do you explain to people not to cross the street when cars are running?
Poor you. I really mean it in a sympathetic way, I hope you grow emotionally to see just how helpless your thinking is, from the type of questions you ask.December 6, 2017 at 3:44 am #671170
Step back. All these terrible things happen and all you are concerned about is that you are blocked and want to see him again?
That is what you are failing to see. Do you want to get pregnant? Get an STD?
People slapping each other and choking are not actions of the day. Come on. Wake up.
A man who loves you would not treat you in this manner. So you are with a user and abuser…and you want to communicate with him? Hello….can you hear me???????? You like being used and abused since you go back for more. That is not healthy.
All this is not good…you are not helping yourself at all here. Get some serious guidance as to what a healthy relationship looks like before you date anyone else…this ain’t it!December 6, 2017 at 4:36 am #671181
And the award for bat s**t crazy goes to…December 6, 2017 at 8:48 am #671218
Well who’s fault it is? both. You sleeping with a complete stranger and having unprotected sex. Him lying to you and your anger not because he might have given you a disease but in reality because he has been sleeping with other women. Deep down that’s the issue. No one gives you a right to slap another person. If you were that angry should’ve gotten up and asked him to leave. How many times did you guys have unprotected sex after that slap? in 12 hours I lost my count. What are you guys? even teenagers don’t act like this these days. Get it right he isn’t making you his GF hence he has been sleeping everywhere. You aren’t GF material anyways nor he is BF material. I just don’t understand how can someone enjoy it knowing he is taking a revenge back. You’ve got issues girlfriend!
He blocked you and you can’t have that crazy unprotected sex and hence you are going crazy. If he wouldn’t have blocked you you would’ve continued to have unprotected sex even after knowing everything. Which you did anyways. Mess mess a total mess.