This topic contains 49 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Omg 6 months, 1 week ago.
July 8, 2019 at 9:30 am #756396
I dont know if i am beig jelous for no reason or if my feeling are resonable.
Basically i feel the guy i am seeing is taking advanaged of me.
Recently we started seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week.
We dont do anything but hangout at my place. Basically we meet up afer work we are both tired so the idea is to take home and watch tv,talk and sex.
He works weekend too so we see each on saturday and he goes work sunday morning.
He lives 45 mins away share house so best place is my place.
Ny issue is i feel i treat him better he does me.
I cook for us, i buy most of the things we need when he is with me.
He would get things but only if i ask him. He ask me if he needs to buy things for us but he never does on his own.
I do love spending time with him but i prefered when it was once a week where my needs phyiscial and emotional were met now i feel like i have a grown baby that i am taking care of.
Am i wrong to feel this way.July 8, 2019 at 9:54 am #756401
You sound hard to please. He is spending time with you and offering to bring stuff. So let him. Tell him what you need so you don’t feel he’s taking advantage. And if you feel he’s seeing you too much and it’s to full on make some plans a few nights a week to do other things or tell him that anyway. No problem. Or tell him you’re too tired to cook
And you want to eat out or he has to go
And get takeout. Why don’t you go out on dates ? Have some fun.
If you’re just not into him then break up with him. XJuly 8, 2019 at 10:50 am #756411
First off, I think your feelings are valid. But you also need to do something in order for you not to feel that way. Men are going to be men, and most of them are going to be dense about anything. So, COMMUNICATE. Tell him what you need when he asks, or better yet, just tell him. “Hey I need tampons, can you pass by CVS for some?” “I’m craving for Chinese, can you get some dumplings for dinner?” Little things like that. Remember, if you don’t tell him what you want, he’s not going to guess it either.
But if you’re not happy, just leave.July 8, 2019 at 10:50 am #756410
Almost staying at home it not a big problem for me I did bring up the idea of doing something to do outside.
He said no problem but asked me what I wanted to do .
So again he wants me to plan what we do outside.
I’m at the point where I feel used.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him I want to see him less.
I just wish there was other way around itJuly 8, 2019 at 10:54 am #756412
I don’t understand what this has to do with jealousy. When my husband and I were dating and started seeing each other 4-5 nights a week it’s just not feasible financially to eat out that often. Plus he was working long hours so sometimes we were eating when restaurants wouldn’t be open anyway.
I was normally the one to cook but he would offer to pay for the groceries. Or I would get him to grab the take out on his way and he would pay. Or there were times when I would get him to grill and I would prepare the sides. So we both were putting in the effort. But most of the dates were Netflix and chill at my place during the week which I didn’t mind because I never felt like he was taking advantage of me. I enjoyed seeing him and we usually did got out for 1 or 2 dates over the weekend.
I don’t really understand your issue. If he’s asking if he needs to buy things for the two of you why don’t you just say YES? Sure honey could you please pick up X, Y, and Z from the store tonight for our dinner? My husband had been divorced for quite awhile when we met so it’s not like he was used to cooking meals for two or even himself. If you had seen how bare his fridge was compared to mine it was ridiculous!! LOL So if your boyfriend is like most guys he’s not whipping up gourmet meals and going to the store grabbing the ingredients. But if you ask him he’ll be happy to pick it up. You just have to learn to train the guy right!! LOL I really don’t see why you feel like you’re taking care of a baby.July 8, 2019 at 11:28 am #756416
The reason I feel jealous is because I feel I pamper him I treat nice is staying at hotel, everything done for him and I am basically his room service.
I would like to be pampered and made to feel special.
It would be nice if he bought a flower with once,
Or did something special without me asking.
At the beginning he use to bring me little snacks that I liked without asking him.
But now even if I tell him.
For example, last week I told him, I miss being taken out and treated like lady and he said okay what would like to do.
And since then nothing.
I don’t want to break up with him over something like this but it’s bothering me a lot.
I’m seeing tonight and tomorrow and to be honest I’m not looking forward to it like I use to.July 8, 2019 at 1:07 pm #756425
You were toldWhat to
Do to see him less pretend you have other plans or make
Other plans as Amy S said. You sound like you are looking for problems. Some guys will woo women, some think if they spend time with you that’s what you need. Tell him all this
Men need guidance. It’s what he does with it that’s the important bit.July 8, 2019 at 1:58 pm #756434
Yes as Dallydaine says he could have a different love language than you. My husband’s predominant love languages are quality time and acts of service. He will buy me gifts and flowers on special occasions but it’s not usually how he shows he loves me. And his acts of service when we were dating were things like mowing my yard, working on a broken appliance, fixing things around my house or washing and changing the oil in my car. It would never have occurred to him to make me dinner to show he loved me, it’s just not him.
Also how long have you been dating? You can’t expect a man to continue to woo you once he’s got you. That’s unrealistic romantic movie kind of stuff. Sure he should still make you feel loved and appreciated but it moves past flowers and snacks once you are together awhile.
When you asked to be taken out and treated like lady and he said okay what would like to do…where did this go? Did he take you out? Did you bring it up again?July 8, 2019 at 2:17 pm #756437
We been dating since September last year.
And that’s the thing he doesn’t do anything just for me,
Expect buy me an item when he is coming to me if I ask him.
He doesn’t fix anything for me, I once asked him to look at my computer when it was playing up he never did.
And no he hasn’t taken me out since that conversation.
I told him he should plan something if he wants to go with me,
He asked me what I am interested to do, I told few things.
He never bought up again and I didn’t.
The other day we were both hungry, the was no ingredients in the house to make anything, I asked if he could get something, he seemed reluctant. In the pass I would’ve ordered something and me ended Up paying for it so this time I didn’t. I had to few hours later, I left him at home. He left soon after me, he messaged if had chance to eat something. Then he go on to tell him he ordered pizza with his room mate I remember thinking why didn’t he do that with me.
So it’s little adding up and it’s getting to me I don’t if I am being self centred or not.July 8, 2019 at 3:10 pm #756444
Is he quite a passive type of person?
If I left my ex husband to book a holiday, arrange a day out, do anything beyond the basics of functioning, nothing would happen. Some men want someone else to be in charge.
It didn’t suit me, and it doesn’t sound like it suits you, either.July 8, 2019 at 3:20 pm #756447
Well apparently you don’t want a husband. If seeing him only once a week works, you may as well just have a fwb. Men can’t read your mind and you need to ask for what you want. Instead of saying you miss going out, be positive and say you love when he and you go out. I don’t think you really like this guy and he doesn’t fit your lifestyle.July 8, 2019 at 4:07 pm #756451
I think your feelings are valid. You want to be woo’ed once in awhile. He is comfortable and doesn’t seem to put out enough effort to show you your special. Since you told him your concerns and he’s not willing to take any action it’s not up to you. You can maintain the status quo or change it. You can’t change him so you will probably have to change the situation.July 8, 2019 at 4:27 pm #756454
He already has her. Apparently that isn’t enough women in here complain theguy spend nit enough time, too much time, doesn’t give them flowers. Instead of appreciating the relationship they just want more and more. This is where I agree with Stephen, damn it.July 8, 2019 at 5:40 pm #756456
I have to agree with Omg on this one. Most women on here are griping because they’re guy won’t make time for them more than once or twice a week and would LOVE if their guy wanted to step up and start seeing them 3-4 times. Your guy is driving an hour and a half round trip to see you 3-4 times a week and you want to gripe about it? Have you considered the gas and time he is spending to see you? Not to mention maintenance on his car?July 8, 2019 at 5:41 pm #756457
theirJuly 8, 2019 at 6:54 pm #756465
Well thanks all for comments.
Sadly I just broken up with him.
And I feel crap, I don’t know if I made mistake or not.
I just feel numb.July 8, 2019 at 7:26 pm #756471
Em-the two of you were not compatible-if you were,you would have approached issues like the food as a team. No groceries in the house,so you grocery shop together and split the bill. or you get groceries,he cooks,gives you something toward or you go out together.
If you want a guy to romance you more,find a romanic type of guy-and don’t move to home dates as quickly-or find a guy that likes to go out more. You may be expecting too much,but I also think if you are clear about what you really want-you won’t date “so-so” guys and then complain and be unhappy.July 8, 2019 at 7:29 pm #756472
It is true too that the gas and driving time from him is/was a contribution. I was dating a guy for over two years and he drove 4 hours round trip every weekend to see me-because I had to work Saturdays at my business.
I was mindful of gas costs,stress of traffic etc. and would pay for most of the weekend groceries etc. We worked out a bit of a system that seemed fair to us both.July 8, 2019 at 7:31 pm #756473
We live together now FYI.July 8, 2019 at 10:09 pm #756494
You live with who? Your ex bf? You don’t know how to communicate or have a real relationship. Sorry but majority of guys aren’t going to keep wooing you once they win you over. You aren’t a princess and practicality happens over time where you appreciate each other, not the wooing, and if you overdo and give a guy more, than that’s on you.July 8, 2019 at 11:16 pm #756500
Not sure what you are talking about-yes,it is the same guy,I moved to his city and we live together-I made a little grammar slip.
Other posters have made comments about how rude and harsh you are for no apparent reason. I guess I now have reason to agree with them. I mentioned nothing about wooing and “princess” treatment-in fact I have never understood wanting to be treated as one. Stick to answering the question to the asker and cut out the rude side show.July 8, 2019 at 11:31 pm #756504
It definitely does not sound like you are getting used. I don’t see an issue with this arrangement. You even offered a date, and he said he was willing to go. He offers to get you things at the store and bring over. He seems like a good guy. Men like woman who initiate sometimes and know what they want. It does sound to me however, that you are not satisfied with how things are going and getting bored with the relationship. This is something that you need to communicate with him about. If you’re not into it, then tell him. Does he future talk? Any plans to move in? These are important things to talk about if the relationship is going to progress.July 9, 2019 at 4:48 am #756514
Last we had argument which ended us ending it.
Basically he said he had nothing much to do this week so he will be sending most nights with me.
I was already kinda upset with the whole situation so I asked if that’s the only he wants to spend this time with me. Because he has nothing else to do. He obviously said it was just his way of saying he will be free to spend time with me but I couldn’t help but feel that exactly what he meant.
I said I felt I was used for Netflix and chill and I was no longer comfortable with it, he said he wouldn’t come to my house if that’s how I feel and we can meet outside, he has keys to my house so he said he will give that back to me ASAP .
This morning I feel like I made the biggest mistake, at the same time I am looking forward having those days to myself.July 9, 2019 at 7:54 am #756537
First time in here I have read a woman broke up because the man wanted to spend more time with her.July 9, 2019 at 8:42 am #756552
What i hear you say is you feel smothered by this guy coming over because he has nothing better to do and uses your house as a hotel. I get that gets old fast but i also agree with other posters saying you lack communication skills in talking to this man. Now because you didnt, you build it up inside and exploded. If he is this lazy, i think thats ok. Not many people wants a slouch on their couch all day long