I met my ex…need help


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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Hs 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #778139 Reply

    mer

    hi everyone…long story short we broke up at the end of september(2 month ago)after 1 year because he thought that we were incompatible ,i did no contact for around 30 days and then i reached out, he replied but was very cold and distant i asked him out for coffee and he agree but never set a date.
    i worked on myself, lost a few ponds, hit the gym, went out with friend and tried to move on and heal, and i was very confident of my progress because he stalks me on instagram.
    things gets messy when my friends bump into him with a new girl, holding hands and kissing in our work place.
    i don’t know her and i don’t really care, but all this messed up with my head and i text him that i needs to see him asap, we met yesterday(the same day i texted).
    he was very nervous, because he didn’t know what i wanted to talk about.
    Anyway i was very calm and i tried to be as normal as possible.we started talking and everything was great, we laugh and had fun, like the old times.
    i told him that i knew about the new girl(i didn’t act jealous or crazy)i just said that i didnt think it was very respectful bringing this girl in our work place and he agreed. He made very clear that they are not together he’s just casually dating her and said that he still thinks about me.he wanted to know if I’m seeing someone and he made some comment about my ig stories with my friends.

    at the end he say that he was to keep in touch and wants to be friend.
    in my opinion the date was good, a lot of inside jokes, chemistry and sexual attraction-he made some comments about sex and i found him staring-but I’m very confused.
    send help

    #778140 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Going to be harsh so you understand:

    Any confusion is on your end.

    He broke it off. You keep chasing him. You think by casually mentioning the other girl, you were casual. In his mind you are at best obsessed with him and at worst insane. He can date whoever he wants and bring her wherever he wants. Read that again.

    Him looking at your Instagram means nothing. The only thing that means something is calling you and asking you out. Read that again.

    You did not have a date. Read that again. You did not have a date. He did not contact you, nor did he ask you out. You summoned him and made him uncomfortable so he told you it was casual with the other woman and that he wants to stay friends.

    He made sexual jokes because you are debasing yourself by chasing him and he now thinks he can have sex with you as you are friends. He can do that without any commitment because you keep chasing him. Him wanting to have sex with you means nothing. Read that again.

    Leave him alone. If, and I mean if, he reaches out to you, he needs to take you out and you go home without even a kiss. You are friends. Friends don’t kiss.

    #778141 Reply

    Lo

    Sadly we’ve all been here… learning from those lessons definitely best to back away and move on with your life. There’s nothing appealing about someone who begs and chases someone. Best to keep your pride and dignity and forget him! You’re probably giving him an ego boast by asking to see him.

    Also how offputting is it to hear he is dating someone else, he’s clearly not cut up about the break up as you are.. let him go he’s not the one

    #778143 Reply

    Newbie

    You fell for the 30 day no contact play book, thinking that would bring him back. That rarely works out as you now experienced. He broke up because you were not compatible. You dont agree with his assesment and if so, why not? Usually a guy feels this its because there is too much drama or the girl is being smothering or he thinks he cant make the girl happy whatever he does. Clearly i dont know what is true in your situation but i do know a 30 day get fit, read a book, then trigger with a happy memory wont fix this.
    You probably reached out as you felt the window was closing as he is dating new people now, but im with tall spicy here: this wasnt a date and he didnt ask you. So i dont see hopeful signs here. So i would go back to no contact so you can really lose your feelings for him. I know a year was a serious investment so it takes some time to heal especially if you didnt feel you were incompatible but there is not much ypi can do about it

    #778146 Reply

    Ames

    The above advice is harsh but honest. I don’t think anyone’s judging you, just trying to paint a clear picture of the situation (from an objective view). It seems like he is a nice enough guy to meet up with you, and agree about the disrespectful thing. It actually is a bit disrespectful because he broke up with you not long ago and is gallivanting around happily. You work at the same place? If so, he also probably doesn’t want to create tension at the workplace and/or have you speaking badly of him. He wants a neutral relationship–drama free. It looks like he has moved on…sorry you’re going through this it always sucks REALLY badly. Unfortunately, I think you have to treat it as completely over and begin the healing process. That means cutting off all hope that you will get back together. And do not try to be “friends.” Now is the time to focus on yourself–just YOU. Try to keep yourself busy at all costs. I tried the whole lets be friends thing but was deluding myself. I went away and did a lot of self work. My feelings for my ex are nearly all gone now. It’s actually a great feeling. But you have to have it in your mind that it is OVER….xox

    #778157 Reply

    mer

    i don’t think we were incompatible because didn’t fight that much, the relationship was really good and I’m not saying as an excuse. We were really good for each other.
    I say that he stalks me on insta because he does, he views my stories and replies to them, also likes all my pics since the breakup, i don’t thinks that’s normal..He said that he’s not involved with this woman and that he still thinks about me…he kept joking about our friendship and the fact that i don’t want to be friends…he said that he will keep in touch and text me…

    #778159 Reply

    Newbie

    Im assuming he told you why he thought you were incompatible. What was it?
    Im asking because you want a second change but You would have to change his Outlook on that.
    I think you missed the oppurtunity to tell him you like to retry and gauge his respons about it. Now you will stuck in limbo counting likes, but not knowing where you stand. Since there is really no further convo’s or meetings planned, you might as well text him, it was nice to see him, but that you were also seeing if there was a change to try again. Apologize for what you could have done better and see what he says. Instead of texting around the bush. That will get you nowhere while all you want to know if he wants to try again and better.
    But again the compatible issue on his part needs to be countered.

    #778160 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    You didn’t think you were incompatible, but apparently he did. Just because you didn’t fight a lot (by your estimation) doesn’t mean it was a fulfilling relationship for him. You thought you were good for each other, but maybe he didn’t? I just mean, it only takes 1 person to end a relationship, it’s not something you both have to agree on. If he decides it’s not working for him, there’s not much you can do. You can’t veto his decision or force him to see things your way.

    I agree with Newbie that you should stop beating around the bush and just ask him what he’s thinking. Be direct. Social media means nothing. He might just be playing with you for the ego boost since he clearly knows you’re hung up on him. If you address the question with him directly, and he tells you he doesn’t want to get back together, then block him on Instagram if his social media activity is messing with your head.

    #778161 Reply

    Khadija

    I agree with Tallspicy. Please re-read her advice in order to save yourself some embarrassment and loss of dignity.

    #778206 Reply

    Hs

    I have a friend who really wants to date me. In his opinion we are crazy about each other, the attraction is off the charts, we see eye to eye, etc. Perfect for each other. I however just dont feelnit for him. He is a great guy and i do appreciate his friendship dearly, but i have no romantic interest in him. Point is, even if uou hadnt fought, even if you got along well, it doesnt mean the relationhip was satisfying for him.

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