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- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 1 year, 8 months ago by
Mary.
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Kita
So I’ve been this guy for about 6 weeks. At the weekend we had a date at his. We didn’t and haven’t slept together yet, but it was a nice evening. In the morning, I woke up super early guess I’m an early bird and he ended up waking up (I think me getting.up woke him) and he isn’t a morning person. We had breakfast and I stayed for a bit before going home. I left feeling that he was very off compared to his normal and I very much over thought the whole thing. Stupid I know, normally I’m quite rational but for some reason I concluded he just didn’t want to see me, rather than recognise he was tired, sunburnt and so a bit moody rather than it be about me. Anyway, I told him as much that I assumed he didn’t want to see me again. His reaction snapped me back to reality as he was genuinely shocked and confused about it. It’s early days so I recognise this is probably enough to rock the boat over. I asked him and he just said he doesn’t know. I literally just ruined something that was going really well. I asked him if we can talk but he doesn’t really want to talk to me right now, he said he doesn’t know what to say and so I’m pretty sure there’s no way to move past this stupid situation. I said Ild give him space, but do I just need to close the book on this one?
Ewa
give him space, but also do you want a guy who after 6 weeks isn’t sure about you?
I am pretty sure if he was that keen, he wouldn’t use your question against you, but actually showed you that he is interested. So no you didn’t ruin it , a guy who is interested would say yes of course I would love to see you again, why do you think I don’t.
how often do you see this guy anyway?
me being very realistic – i think he might be losing interest a bit because you haven’t yet slept together, it is good that you are waiting, but now you see that maybe he is not interested in anything serious.Raven
Why are you having sleepovers if you’re not sleeping together?
Mary
I agree with Ewa and as always, raven poses a good question. Why put yourself in a situation that is going to bring up insecurities..and definitely dismiss them if you do because it is assumjng he would not be interested in you and you have to realize your own value and see yourself as the prize. It also comes across to him that you don’t see your own value.
Maddie
It’s early for having serious talks, so I think it’s okay that he doesn’t want to talk about it. My opinion is, you should just apologize for the misunderstanding and for making assumptions, then say something like you’ve really been enjoying getting to know him and would like to continue to do so, and he can let you know if he’d like to get together again. Then leave him alone, don’t reach out to him again if you don’t hear anything more. The ball will be in his court and hopefully he will come around. But you’re right, what he does next will depend on whether or not he feels put off by needing to validate your insecurity and things can go either way. The right guy for you will want to give you another chance to see if it was a one-off on your side and if you were having an uncharacteristically bad day or not.
The lesson here though is not to assume and put words into the mouth of someone you are seeing. If I was him, I would also be wary if I was dating someone who assumed the worst of me and how I felt about them because I wasn’t feeling my best one day, especially if everything up to that point had been going really well and I had given them no prior reason to believe that!
I will add that I was once in a similar situation and the guy HAD lost interest (he enjoyed our dates but I found out later from a mutual friend he was still hung up on an ex), but this was obvious because I observed what he did next instead of assuming anything. And his next actions were to stop reaching out to me and not plan further dates. So you can trust your instincts when something seems off, but don’t assume it’s anything personal to you. See what they do next before bringing it up.
(My qualifier here is, if you feel disrespected or someone is behaving poorly towards you on repeated occasions, definitely speak up about it! You can always share how you feel about something, just don’t assume how someone else feels. Someone mature will tell you how they feel and their actions and words will match up, so there won’t be confusion.)
Mary
Lol. Maybe he was just moody and all because he is not a morning person…
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