Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › I messed up and he doesn't know what to do
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Padmini.
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Mary
I did something that broke the trust between us (no cheating or other guy) and he doesn’t know what to do, I took the responsibility for my actions, I apologized, I told him that everyone deserves a second chance, but according to him this was something that reminded him of his ex wife behavior and he has difficult time to get over what I did. I asked him if there is something that I can do to fix this and he said no, he needs time. I was willing to give him time but one day my anxiety took over and I went to his place and it made things worse but once again he told me he has a lot going on in his life now (back in court with his ex because of the kids, work problems, mom got sick…) and he just wants time. before all this happened we had a very good, loving relationship, I know he loves me. do you think there’s a chance for me to get a second chance? Is it a good sign that he had opportunities to just break up but he didn’t?
Tallspicy
This sounds word for word like a post from before… especially the no cheating part….
Raven
Yup! What did you do?
Mary
I broke into his phone
Mary
Where can I find that post?
Raven
What was the motivation for breaking into his phone?
tammy
no i dont think there is anything u can do. no wait there is. you need to work on your mistrust/distrust issues and your anxiety. not only did you breach healthy boundary by checking into his phone, to make matters worst, you went to his house and tried to push him into giving this relationship another chance. If i was in his place even i would be very very reluctant to give things another chance.
please stop all attempts to reconnect. let him be. give him time and space. you chasing him and pushing him is not going to work in your favor. in the meanwhile work on your issues so that you can handle relationships in future in a better way. i think this is over unless after he’s had time and space to think and reevaluate decides to meet you again. for now it seems over.
Padmini
Hi, Mary,
I have actually come to find that a search through the Boyfriend’s Technological-Device is not that much out-of-line; as you are in a Relationship:
My Former Friend’s Girlfriend found our Google-Chat Conversation and accordingly cut me out of his life upon getting suspicious. I had reflected to my Mom that the Girlfriend was really doing wrong by snooping through his Online-Conversations; to which she replied, “Well, they are in a Relationship so he is more her business than your’s.”
As you say, your action especially rubbed your Boyfriend the wrong way; having experienced similar Behavior from his Ex-Wife. So I advise you to give him that space. In the meantime, you can keep yourself occupied and find a good Friend or Family-Member to pour-out your vulnerability with.
Mary
Well it’s not over. He still has my keys and I have his, we still have each other stuff that we kept at each other’s homes. He stull has a picture of us on his desk and even after me messing up he said he needs time. I understand he may still make a decision to break up, but since he didn’t is there hope.
Padmini
Hi, Mary,
Yes, there is certainly some hope. If you really wish to reinstate his Trust and be in your Relationship, I advise you to:
1. Give him that Time and Space to come back to you.
2. In the meantime, you can write for yourself a Reflection on this Incident; which includes:
a. Your Motive for breaking into your Boyfriend’s Telephone.
b. Whether you really found any incriminating Information there.
c. Your Boyfriend’s Reaction.
i. The Thoughts behind your Boyfriend’s Reaction
ii. The Feelings behind your Boyfriend’s Reaction.3. You can then make a Promise to yourself from the Bottom-of-Your-Heart that you will never again look through your Boyfriend’s material behind-his-back; and even seal the deal in writing.
Once you thoroughly commit to this Evolution, the Universe will henceforth provide you your Dues!
Whatever happens, you will ultimately acted in all best interests and evolved!
Best wishes! We are all here for you! :)
Erin
Oh well jailbreaking (breaking into someone’s phone) is an invasion of their privacy, breaking their boundaries and shows lack of trust. So yeah I understand he’s pissed off. Give him space and time to work through it, don’t crowd him or hound him or stalk him. It’s just counter productive.
Maybe in the future, have the phone talk or communicate your worries and anxiety to him instead of jailbreaking
Personally i don’t like anyone going through my phone, I have both to hide but I just don’t. My phone is like a diary and i don’t want people gaining access to it.
Sophia
Wow. I don’t have anything to hide on my phone, but as Erin said, I still wouldn’t want anyone going through it. It’s such a breach of trust. He may forgive and forget in time, but it sounds like you hit a trigger for him which will take longer to get over.
I’m just curious…
How did he find out you broke in? Did you confront him on something you’d only know about by looking at the phone?If you had a very good, loving relationship, and you know he loves you, what specific thoughts were you having drove you to the point of doing this?
Padmini
Hi, Mary,
How have you been? Do you have any Up-Dates to share?
We are all here for you!
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