I left him but now I start doubting


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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anderson 1 month ago.

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  • #773192 Reply

    Danny

    Hello, here is my short story.
    I started dating a guy from a dating website. And it started in a little strange way. he came on very strong by directly asking me to go on a date and writing me messages constantly but then on a day we were meant to see he started flaking. i wrote him that i am disappointed and told him to delete my number and than he started to excuse with his work that he had an urgency bla bla bla…. I accepted to see him over lunch next week and we saw twice before each of us leaves on vacation. So we spend a whole month chatting all the time. And by message he seemed to be pretty nice person. When we came back we saw each other again. But once on Friday night he left me at 22;30 bu telling me he is tired and he wouldn’t be a nice company. My six feeling was screaming at that moment that something isn’t right and an hour later I saw him on the dating website, one hour later he was still online. I spend a week following this and i realized he was very often online. His messages became shorter and not so frequent…next Friday morning I left him by message , just said that i saw he is after another woman and this is not what i want for myself.. At first he started denying but than he stopped. He blocked me on the dating website and made his wall invisible on FB. Some of my friends said ‘Bravoo!’ some other said it was too early for me to require exclusivity without even discuss this with the guy. I start doubting did I do the right thing.

    #773195 Reply

    Better off single

    He is not interested and using you as a backup plan. Do not allow yourself to be his backup plan.

    Be angry about it and block him.

    #773199 Reply

    Lala

    There was no relationship to end. He’s not interested and you acted crazy. He was not your boyfriend or anything even close.

    #773204 Reply

    Lane

    You need to stop ‘chatting’ so much. Seriously, a man who isn’t taking you out and wanting to spend a copious amount of time with you regularly (at least 2 – 3 times a week, especially on the weekend) is not showing you any interest.

    Are you dating your phone or a man? If you spent as much time with the man, in person, than you did with your phone there would be no need to stalk him. If you feel compelled to stalk a man, its your gut telling you he’s not the one.

    #773288 Reply

    Anderson

    You were a bit assumptive in accusing him of being after another woman. Other than that, the doubts and regret are normal and don’t necessarily mean you made the wrong decision.

    I don’t think it was too early for you to require exclusivity, there is no time-limit and it depends on each scenario. The only problem I see is did y’all even discuss that you two were official or exclusive? Or wanted to be? Every woman has her own of expectations and standards. But if you expect a guy to magically figure out that he must be or not be doing X after Y time when dating or talking to you, then expect to be losing a lot of guys you date.

    #773302 Reply

    Danny

    Well i didn’t tell all the details but the guy came on too strong in the beginning he wanted to see me constantly telling me he was stricken by me , the way I am…. He was observing my body from my hair to my toes. He got physical very soon without showing some warm feeling, it made me feel uncomfortable a little bit like peace of meat. He was so different in person from the way he was by message. I had the feeling I am with two different persons. And once he said he had a friend at his place to give him a present after he came back from vacation and at the end of the messages he said ‘she” when talking of this person…. And even taking the fact that he was constantly online on the dating app for me this means that he wasn’t sure after being in contact with me for almost two months I think a man at 37 should know if he wants to be with me or not. On the other hand when it comes to me he was always behaving well, he wanted to see me regularly always on time. But again by message he was saying we will do this and that and then when we were meeting it was up to me to see what we will do , choose a place … he didn’t put effort. All of this leaves so mixed feelings.

    #773304 Reply

    T from NY

    Please stop doubting yourself. He wasn’t showing effort, wasn’t consistent and seemed to always be on the prowl. A woman can tell when a man is interested and there’s normally very little questioning involved, even over time.

    That said — it would help you to consider your habits and work hard to manage your expectations. When I was online dating I decided after a while to not participate with apps that show people’s activity on the site. It just brought stress and led to ridiculous overthinking. And now when dating — I truly only allow myself to think about a man if he is constantly putting himself on my radar. By calling, texting and reliably setting up dates. I just don’t fixate on guys who aren’t showing me attention. Because it’s not about winning them – it’s about choosing a guy who makes himself worthy of my energy.

    Of course after two months if there was a lot of contact in the beginning (too much is a red flag as you described) I would notice if they dropped off, probably feel disappointed. But once I notice that — it’s a cue to get busier with my life OR get more peaceful and in all things choosing to STOP thinking about that man. I have taught myself to lose interest in men who aren’t consistent. I wish that for you too. You deserve that. And the man for you will not be confusing. It’s just that simple.

    #773305 Reply

    T from NY

    PS — it would also help you to learn to never speak to a man about other women in the beginning stages of dating. Men should be bringing up the exclusivity talk — and until they do they are free to conduct themselves how they please. Of course you can choose (and should make choices) about what you’ll put up with. But mentioning other women isn’t classy, comes across insecure and isn’t a good look. Hold your head high and have no ill feelings for men who don’t want to invest in you — They’re doing you a favor. And they can’t help it if they aren’t feeling it for you. The man for you will make himself oblivious in his care and investment.

    #773306 Reply

    T from NY

    **will make himself OBVIOUS in his care and investment

    #773307 Reply

    Anderson

    Just based on the vibe you were getting from him it was a good call to let him go. It’s clear you weren’t happy with him and his ways so you should have no regrets :)

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