I left him because he cheated, he is depressed, should I help him?


Home Forums Break Up Advice I left him because he cheated, he is depressed, should I help him?

This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  anon 4 weeks ago.

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  • #773678 Reply

    Diane

    Hi,

    My ex-boyfriend and me were 5 years together, when he cheated on me with a colleague on a party (once) . We loved each other crazy. I found out over text message with his best friend, my ex felt pretty bad and asked him for advice. My ex was the only person in the world I trusted and I just couldn’t believe it. When I found out, 2 weeks I just talked with him as little as possible. But I couldn’t handle it to be with him, so I left. I never really broke up as I was scared that I would change my decision. Instead when he was at work I just moved out of our apartment to another friend in another state without him knowing. Lucky me I wanted to look for another job anyway so it was kind of good timing. I never talked to him again. That was 1.5 years ago.I often thought about him and never stopped loving him but I just couldn’t be with him anymore as my fairytale forever faithful and since meeting first time didn’t kiss another person didn’t exist anymore. I thought no matter how much you love him its not meant to be.

    Last week I met his best friend in my new city. Apparently my ex still loves me, wants me back and is deeply depressed, also because he never got a closure and I just left without a word, never talking to him again . He’s in therapy now. I don’t know what to do. I want to contact him to help him, but I’m scared that I will get back together with him. I feel so bad that I did that to him, but honestly it was not to punish him but to protect myself.
    What should I do?

    #773681 Reply

    kaye

    I think Janet is being too hard on you. Worst form of ghosting possible? You didn’t seem to care when you walked out how it would affect him? PLEASE!! He didn’t seem to care how it would affect you when he was sticking his d@ck in another woman! Not to be crass but let’s get real here. He didn’t need closure. He knows why you left. It’s not like you up and left for no reason, taking a new job and never speaking to him again. If you can’t forgive him for cheating and take him back then there’s no point in talking to him. Let him continue therapy and moving on with his life and you move on with yours. He made a choice he has to live with the consequences. It’s called being an adult. He’s not your concern anymore. Besides if his best friend found you then he could have found you and groveled for your forgiveness and begged you to take him back and told you he made a huge mistake and he’ll never love another woman the way he love you, etc and so for the BUT HE DIDN’T!!!

    #773682 Reply

    kaye

    Also just to add I think it would take at least a year and a half to get over a 5 year relationship so it’s not unusual you still love him and he still wants you back. It just takes more time sometimes.

    #773688 Reply

    Raven

    Boo Hoo to a cheeter!

    #773697 Reply

    Zoe

    100% agree with Kaye. You will never forget and forgive. Once a cheater always a cheater. Stop thinking about this looser

    #773711 Reply

    tammy

    you don’t want to get back with him. its been 18 months now so let it go. he knows why you left. he cheated and so you decided to walk. open and close deal. don’t connect with him again unless you want to see and meet him.

    #773733 Reply

    Dangerouse

    I wouldn’t necessarily believe every word the friend said.

    #773769 Reply

    Paige

    he CHEATED on you, and you want to HELP HIM??? For God’s sake. you will always be manipulated by men as long as you have this mentality.

    the only thing that’s going to happen if you take him back is him cheating AGAIN and you have to go through this pain ALL over again. do you really think he’s worth all that?

    #773771 Reply

    Better off single

    You people really believe some won’t learn from their mistake and never want to hurt another person like that again?

    Stay gone hun. It’s a battle he has to fight on his own. Especially if you don’t want him back.

    #773863 Reply

    christopher

    everyone makes mistake, but not everyone is blond enough to apologize, when a person is really sorry for his mistake u surly know, and when he pretending u know too,if u leave him because he cheated on u , and u find somebody else ,is that new person a saint ? he has never cheated before too? even u since u left u not met another guy? , don’t be deceived ,learn to easily forgive and forget ,u don’t throw 5years away cause of one mistake that can be forgiven , I kno many ladies would ask u to forget him ,but a solution can not become another problem , so go help him and u both should forgive each other and start making babies cause no time.

    #773871 Reply

    Paige

    Christopher sounds like the typical guy who wants a pass for cheating. You don’t get to have access to people the way you want just because you’re “depressed”, especially if you betrayed them.

    #773872 Reply

    Paige

    He’s also gaslighting.

    #773900 Reply

    Anderson

    Yeah I agree with Dangerouse. It feels a little emotionally manipulative.

    I think it’s a noble thing to want to forgive someone. Do people want someone to suffer for a mistake? I do at first, and the feeling is intermittent. But eventually I always reach a state of peace, where I sincerely want someone who’s wronged me to be happy and a better person. I strongly believe certain people should be given a chance to right their wrongs. Just not at expense, though so please stay out of my life ;)

    I don’t think a conversation will do any good. If you sincerely don’t want to get back together with him, then maybe just write him a letter forgiving him and wishing him well.

    #773932 Reply

    Cayla

    Hopefully he learned his lesson to never cheat on a future partner again. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. If you thought you could get over it and resume a healthy, trusting relationship, I think you wouldn’t have left him. I had a cheating husband and I think the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” is mostly accurate except for a few cases, which are unusual!!! The cheating is like a weak link in the chain for some people: throw in some “stress” of unhappiness etc and they crack at the weakest spot for validation or escape or whatever they are looking for. Then there are us who wouldn’t dare damage that trust.
    Your best bet is to forgive him and yourself. You will eventually be able to move on. You absolutely deserve a man who didn’t cheat on you.

    #773954 Reply

    anon

    So he cheated on you and you ghosted. Does he know you know he cheated?

    You seem to have some kindness and empathy, so I am going to suggest that you reach out to him, apologize for the ghosting while letting him know that finding out he cheated was very painful. Close this thing out for both of you. Clear out the universe and then let it go.

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