This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Jane 1 week, 6 days ago.
April 8, 2019 at 5:07 pm #745397
I am young and five months into a relationship. He is 19 and I am 20. We are both in college. I still love him, but he has been treating me awfully. He recently started a new job and doing 40 hours a week. I understand he is tired and adjusting. We have not hung out in two weeks really. He asked to see me last week and he was cold shouldered then. His actions are not matching up with his words. I feel heartbroken and lost.
On Friday, I finally gave in and asked him if I could see him on Saturday, He said “probably. My friends are having a big party so I was going to help them get setup”. I was extremely upset by this since he usually has invited me to these hangouts and I figured he would want to see me after two weeks of barely seeing each other. I cried myself to sleep that Friday night and barely got any sleep. This is not the first time he has acted odd around me and his friends, let alone the first time I have been upset. I finally got to see him Saturday and instead of going into it completely pissed off I calmly asked him how he’s been adjusting and doing. I hugged him and said I missed him. He reciprocated, but I still felt pushed away. I asked him why I was not invited and he said “I feel like in these situations I have to commit more to you then my friends”. I was hurt but I understood he was wanting friend time, I just figured since we haven’t spend quality time together he would want to initiate. I moved past that and told him I felt like he has been distancing himself from me and he said that he’s not and just busy with work, but I know if he really wanted to see me he would make time, instead of me making plans to see him. We kissed and hugged goodbye and he reciprocated an I love you, but I just don’t believe it. He is barely communicating with me and it hurts.
He then posted on social media the night of the party, saying to contact him if anyone wants to join and that made me even more upset, basically saying anyone can come except my girlfriend.I cried for three days about this and have come to the conclusion, in addition with other large red flags that this relationship needs to end, but I still love him. Some people are saying since I am going away this summer studying abroad that he is protecting his heart now….I don’t believe that for one bit. He has pulled something similar like this before.I have been crying over the good times we have had, but I am realizing there has been more bad times then good and he has made me feel like crap. I am not needy or clingy, I just figured he could say something like “Hey I wanted to spend time with my friends this weekend, we can do something this time”. But nope. I have been blinded by love and affection when I know its all crap. We live in the same building and he can’t even make time for me when he has off Friday and Saturday. I asked him when I will see him next and he said “whenever I am free”. That stung, when I am willing to be flexible with my schedule and he just wants some bro time. And he is not initiating anything to do as a couple.
He has also made comments before about how I am “too easy” when it comes to sex, and that “other girls need a big fancy dinner but you just need a walk to a pizza place and the clothes come right off”. I shrugged it off but now every time I want to save the relationship I think of how he said that. I think its not even worth the energy telling him off and I am just trying to move on from it now. He still says he loves and misses me, but I really don’t believe it. I hope I don’t get bad comments from this I really am just looking for support that I am doing the right thing here, regardless of how much I still love him.April 8, 2019 at 5:25 pm #745403
I would have slapped him for saying that. And then I would have walked away and never looked back. I’m sorry you aren’t in a place to have done that, because he deserves it.
That being said, you’re right. You just need to get away. No explanation, no anything, just block him and don’t engage. Because you’ve tolerated this, he now thinks he can get away with murder and knows you will still be there no matter what he says. Take back your power. Walk. Now. Let him sit and wonder what happened.April 8, 2019 at 5:40 pm #745405
I agree with Cynthia. Block him, be strong!April 8, 2019 at 5:48 pm #745407
What a piece of sh*t.
Pardon my language, but the “you’re too easy” part made me sick for you. It says a lot about his character and his lack of respect towards you. Hard to believe his “I love you” after that.
Girl, be brave, set yourself free now ! You’re totally right, and the pain will pass.
You’re going to meet plenty of amazing guys while studying abroad, trust me. And never ever put up with this kind of statement again, please !April 8, 2019 at 6:06 pm #745413
Personally, I think he’s being as big of a dick as he possibly can so you will go away. No one talks to anyone they care about like that.April 8, 2019 at 8:56 pm #745428
Sweetheart, you are dealing with a dork. Do not let him ruin your self esteem. You are acquiring bad luggage and losing confidence in the meantime.
He told you that you were “too easy”, this is how he thinks, he thinks in terms of power plays, dog eats dog type of thing. That’s why he responds to you “when I am free”. Because as being a dork, he does not appreciate kindness, he thinks you are weak, and deserve to be treated as such, i.w. lowly.
There are men like this, they read crappy self help books, some are like that by nature.
it is good you came here, women here would help you navigate through encounters, you are very young, stick around here and learn. One dork can ruin your character and your appreciation of yourself if you let him. Do not let him.
Kick his a..ss and watch him come running after you LOL I am serious! “Men love bitches”. It is not bitches that they love, they fall for women who can stand up for themselves and do not let men walk all over them. Women who VALUE themselves and can separate right from wrong. You need to use your good judgement and stand by it. if something smells like crap, it is crap, so don’t try to “understand it” and “fix it”. Tell him to drop it or else. LOL
You can do all this in a sweet flirty way, you don’t have to be aggressive and man like. You can smile and be sweet, but use your words directly, do not let them weasel around, and then stand your ground. If he doesn’t like it, if he can’t treat you properly, you need to be prepared to let him go. Even if you like him a lot. For YOU. And do not give in. Learn how to be strong. Strength is cumulative. You start acting stronger, one action at a time, do not peddle back, and then the next one is easier and easier. And as you do that, you’d discover that people, men and women, would respect and value you more. And you yourself would NOT get involved with dorks anymore, you’d know how to recognize them from a mile afar.April 8, 2019 at 10:32 pm #745436
Emma, what planet do you live on. You really give some bizarre advice at times.
There’s no need to be “sweety and flirty” with this guy.
She just needs to be done. Throw him back, OP, and get yourself together and don’t even think twice about him. He’ll learn one day, maybe, he’s young too. But when men do certain things, they’ve crossed a line and you need to cross them off your list. Forever. Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed.April 9, 2019 at 4:51 am #745438
Agree with everyone saying get rid. Imagine your best friend/sister telling you a guy was treating her like this. What would your advice be to her? By sticking around you are giving him the impression that it is ok to speak to and treat a woman in this way. It is not.April 9, 2019 at 8:39 am #745442
Do not allow any man to tear down your self esteem! Once they start down that slippery slope and the woman allows it they will lose all respect for her.
You need to know that RESPECT is at the TOP of a man’s list of needs. Women need to feel loved but men need to feel respected and when a man feels ‘disrespected’ by things you may have said to him, he in turn loses all respect for you. It was his way of telling you he had, albeit crudely, and that’s the quickest road to the end of a relationship.
Did you criticize him too much? Did you nag too much? Did you whine and complain too much? If you cannot support the man, especially when it comes to him establishing his career which is also VERY HIGH on a man’s list of needs, and he feels nothing he does makes you happy, he starts the process of checking out of the relationship.
I understand you were feeling neglected and if that was the case then you had two choices: 1) Respect his need to work and go to college by fully supporting him in that endeavor even if it meant you had to take a back seat; or 2) Break up if you need constant attention.
There was a major shift in his life where WORKING became his top priority, probably to pay for college, as it should be at his age, and if you cannot support a man’s work and educational goals, at least one who has that drive, then you will struggle in a relationship.April 9, 2019 at 12:50 pm #745452
Lane, I think you’re making a lot of unhelpful assumptions that if anything will make the OP second guess herself and damage her self esteem. Nowhere in her narrative does it sound like she was nagging or criticizing. He sounds like a run of the mill douchebag who takes women for granted and is too lazy and/or conflict-avoidant to break up when he’s moved on. Agree with the others, drop him like a hot potato and block him, that might actually get through his selfish thick skull. Maybe learning such a lesson at a young age will prevent him from going on to becoming a serial ghoster.April 9, 2019 at 4:46 pm #745472
@Jane, how long did it take you to come up with the planet comment? How creative indeed.
Mind your own advice, will you. And if you are looking for a man, start paying closer attention to mine, as it might actually help you.April 9, 2019 at 4:55 pm #745474
Both Lane and Emma are freaking nuts. Emma has affairs with different men every three months and Lane hooked up for years with a married man. Yeah… I’m gonna listen to them.April 9, 2019 at 7:40 pm #745489
Thanks @Emma, but I’ve got a man. And no interest in an open marriage like yours. My man and I are happy with each other, no side pieces needed to keep us together. So perhaps you’re the one in need of advice. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL