I feel led on and then he rejected me

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Candace 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #756764 Reply


    I had a crush on this handsome, tall guy at work, and then we became friends but I’ve always wanted him. We hang out together and have lunch/dinner alone sometimes. Since he is moving out of state, I decided I had nothing to lose and that I would confess my non-platonic feelings for him before he left, and I knew it would not lead to a serious relationship.

    On his last 2 days in the city, we went out for a “goodbye dinner” and had drinks at his place. Once we sat on the couch, I told him that I liked him, he said he liked me too. Then, he leaned in to kiss me. We made out that night, things heated up until third base but he just stopped short of piv intercourse. He did mention in passing that it is wrong and he kinda doesn’t want to have sex knowing he is leaving me soon. I felt a bit disappointed but still elated that we finally got physical.

    On his last night before moving out of state, I went back to his place and offered to have sex with him since I really like him. He rejected me, said we are just friends and he enjoyed hanging out with me, but that he can’t have sex with me knowing that he is moving out of state, we would not be seeing each other any longer and he does not want a relationship. He said he can’t do it and asked me to leave, saying he cares for me and I am not a random bar pickup, and he knows I’m not the type to do casual sex (which is true – I told him I don’t really do this but I really like him). He said he did not want to disrespect and take advantage of me, but I am the one offering myself to him so I do not know how I can be disrespected.

    I felt that he led me on and then finally rejected me and it hurts! If he really didn’t want anything to do with me, he shouldn’t have initiated kissing and made out with me the first night and got my hopes up then left me hanging and disappointed.

    #756770 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    He sounds like a stand-up guy to me. He didn’t want to just screw you and leave and never see you again. I’m sure he knows that if he has sex with you, you will feel attached to him and be miserable when he leaves and possibly try to initiate a LDR which is not interested in and can’t give you. You shouldn’t take this as a rejection. It shows he’s a good person and respects you. That’s how I would see it, anyway.

    #756771 Reply


    Believe it or not there are decent guys who aren’t interested in one night stands with a woman!! My husband is also tall and handsome and he’s told me a few stories of women who had gotten drunk and threw themselves at him and he had to tell them no. Or friends who just showed up at his house and came onto him. One was even the wife of a guy he worked with!! She was trying to sit in his lap and kiss on him and he called her husband and had him come get her! You’re lucky this guy is a good guy.

    A guy can like you but it doesn’t mean he wants to be in a relationship with you or have sex with you. You knew this guy was keeping you in the friend zone and you went and threw yourself at him for sex before he was moving out of town. He did you a HUGE favor by turning you down because you are already attached and this would have made it worse. Then he would be gone and you would be sitting here wanting to know why he wasn’t calling, messaging and you would be wanting to go see visit him, etc. He actually isn’t leading you on. Don’t compromise your values on casual sex for a fling. It’s not worth it and you would have felt used and like crap even though it was YOUR idea.

    #756781 Reply


    Why do you think he owed you full-on sex because he kissed you and did other things?? That’s creepy. You’ve just shown us a glimpse of how men who become rapists think.

    He didn’t do it because he puts value on sex as something special and he values you and the friendship you have. Guy’s a prince. But you wanted to objectify and use him for NSA sex and so you’re insulted… SMH…

    #756786 Reply


    * shakes head *

    #756813 Reply


    All yourself how you would have felt if he had taken you up on the offer of see then moved away the next day. You said yourself you don’t “do casual sex”, which is what this would have been.

    #756829 Reply


    Offering sex and getting rejected is pretty embarrassing. I would disappear if that had happened to me.

    I would avoid, hide, block, chang my identity, and hope he never remembers or thinks of me again.

    #756858 Reply


    Frankly, that’s it – you just feel embarrassed. It’s easier to feel angry than embarrassed so you twist it in your head and tell yourself a story about how he’s led you on. He really acted like a gentelman, and, if that makes you feel better, it doesn’t sound like he actually rejected you. He just saw that the circumstances are not convenient.

    #756888 Reply


    Hahahaha.. who says ‘third base?’

    #756908 Reply


    I think he sounds a decent guy who was truthful with you. You would be feeling worse if he had taken you up on your offer and then moved as you are already attached to him. He has shown that he has good self esteem and that he respects you. Of course it is a bit embarrassing when you offer yourself to a guy and he says no but in the long run this is the best outcome for you in this situation because you clearly want a lot more than casual.

    #756919 Reply


    He’s smart. Doesn’t want a roll in the hay with a woman he doesn’t care for past friendship. Why should he risk a phone call or knock on the door in a few months announcing an accidental pregnancy? Because even if you use birth control, unplanned pregnancies still happen.

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