I ended it


Home Forums Break Up Advice I ended it

  • This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years ago by Sara.
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  • #851204 Reply
    Sara

    We met just as covid hit. We talked for about two months before we met. When we finally did we hit it off. We had a great connection. We both talked and agreed we did. We had a great summer. Then something changed for him, his feelings were not as strong for me as mine were for him. We both went on a date with someone else, I tried to end it then but we ended up dating another 6 months (10 months all together) he made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with me. I stayed, I guess I was hoping his feelings would change. It was eating away from me… I felt insecure and knew how he felt. Finally last night I said I needed space as we want different things. We talked this morning and ended things. I didn’t stay long and we hugged and I left. He came by shortly after to grab some
    Of his stuff. He said when I left he cried, then we both cried and hugged. Why would he let me go if he was so upset. He wants to be friends still, I said I don’t know how to be his friend. Right now I just want him to hold me.. I know I will meet someone new and someone who wants to be with me. It just hurts so much. I miss him. I told him I was falling in love with him. Just needed to put this out there…

    #851308 Reply
    tammy

    he may be upset but he hasn’t changed his mind had he? i think you need to avoid him for some time atleast. till your somewhat in a better grip of your emotions post breakup. sure u can be friends if that’s what you want but only when you can handle it. i am in the same scenario as you. i dont mind being his friend bec hes an astute businessman and he has a unique point of view wrt commercial matters. but i wldn’t be able to stay frnds with him if i met him or chatted with him regularly.

    #851348 Reply
    Debsterism

    These fake ass tears kill me. If anything his tears were RELIEF that you finally got a clue and moved on. He is free!! That if anything is why he “cried”.

    Don’t waste anymore if your life in him. Do not allow him to continue to keep your focus on him by agreeing to be his “friend” which is just a set-up to use you longer. Be smart! Cut ties and go NO CONTACT. Tell him you are not wasting time having an ex as a friend. Then block him on everything and go on with your life.

    #851363 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    You mentioned that at the 4 month mark, “something changed for him, his feelings were not as strong for me as mine were for him”. If you read this site you’ll see that the 3 or 4 month mark is critical for relationships. That’s the point where men generally decide if they see a long term future with a woman. The first few months are the honeymoon period, and everything can be great– and at 3 or 4 months the guy will suddenly take stock and realize whether or not he really wants to be with the woman for the long term.

    It sounds like this guy hit the 4 month mark and realized that his feelings were not on the same page as yours, and he did not see a future with you. It’s not your fault, it just happens. There are lots of posts from women on this site who have been dating a guy for that length of time, and everything was great, then suddenly when they hit 3-4 months, it fell apart. It’s common.

    Your mistake was continuing to date the guy for 6 months when he made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with you. I understand you thought his feelings would change. But when a guy tells you he doesn’t feel “it” with you, you can’t stick around hoping that he will suddenly change. He won’t. I’m sure this guy cared for you and thought you were a nice person, which is why he was upset that he hurt your feelings; he just didn’t feel that spark with you that a guy needs to build a relationship with a woman.

    Just take this as a learning experience. Grieve, let yourself feel your feelings, but accept that you have to move on. In the future, if a guy is not “all in” after a few months of dating, don’t stick around hoping he’ll wake up and change his mind. A guy telling you after 4 months that something has changed, and his feelings are not as strong for you– that’s a sign you need to walk, not stick around and get more invested. Sorry you are going through this!

    #851394 Reply
    Sara

    Thank you. He had come over for a bit to finish the talk. We both cried and hugged for so long. I know it’s for the best, I want someone who chooses me. I am going to take time to grieve the reAltionship and work on myself some more. I will meet a person who will choose me a d put me first

    #851399 Reply
    S

    Sara,

    I empathize with what you’re going through. My ex and I broke up 2 1/2 months ago for a very similar reason. Unfortunately, just because he feels sad or bad about the fact that you are hurt or you are no longer going to be in his life does not mean that he has changed his mind. Sometimes, it just really means that he wishes you would’ve settled for what he had to offer you. It doesn’t even mean he is malicious, just selfish. More than anything, you have to take his words and actions and put them side by side and compare. If his words are giving you hope but his actions are making you feel like you made the right decision, the chances are you did. It sounds like you are in the right headspace to continue moving forward. I wish you the best in your healing process.

    #852032 Reply
    Sara

    He messaged me yesterday to see if I wanted to meet up for a workout. Told him no, I can’t get my hopes up only to be crushed again in a few days

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