I asked him out for drinks and he got really upset


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This topic contains 26 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lol 2 months, 4 weeks ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 27 total)
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  • #750355 Reply

    julie

    Well, that’s pretty much it.
    I’ve known this guy for a few years but we don’t talk as much as before.

    We wanted to go out with each other a while back but it never happened for some reason.

    I’ve been thinking about him lately, so I asked him out for a drink but kinda in a funny way like “i know it’s been a while but weren’t we supposed to have drinks a long time ago? are you still up for it?”

    He was upset and told me “too little, too late to think about me now. No, we won’t have drinks, ever. That’s in the past”

    I don’t know what to answer, is it too late? or should I still care/try something?

    Thanks for the help

    #750357 Reply

    Zoe

    Why are you so desperate to ask out men on dates?

    #750366 Reply

    julie

    Actually, I always get asked and only by guys that are not a good match for me so I decided to ask the one I want… (want = been thinking about)

    Not desperate really

    #750365 Reply

    Andrea

    He has told you point blank that he’s not interested. Where is your dignity?

    He not only declined the date, but he was rude. You may want to stop interacting with him altogether, since he doesn’t seem to respect you.

    #750374 Reply

    jordan

    she isnt desperate to ask a guy out, shes going for what she wants. dont know what happened between you two however if you want another chance with this guy, tell him “thats a shame, id like to see you again, you seem like a good guy but if you wont then get in touch if you ever change your mind” (in your own words) Then walk and never look back, never call never text, ever again. If or when he contacts you, you must assume he wants to see you and attempt to make a date “Hey, it’s great to hear from you. I’d love to see you. When are you free to get together?” If he won’t agree, say “I’ve got to run, but get in touch with me if you change your mind.” then walk and never look back. you are always going to wait to hear from him first.

    #750375 Reply

    julie

    Andrea :
    Thanks! I was more worried about his feelings than actually listening to his words. They were pretty harsh and not nice, even though we weren’t on ‘bad terms’. I’m not going to look back…

    Jordan:
    I think I’m going to answer but not really alongs the lines of “let me know” because I won’t wait for him, like I said, I’m not desperate, I’m actually a person who’s fine being single and dating, I was just asking him out because he seemed like a good guy, but obviously can’t really reply like one :/

    Anyway, thanks!

    #750383 Reply

    DD

    You don’t answer. It’s over for him.

    #750384 Reply

    Wtf

    @Zoe
    Expand your vocabulary. The only word you seem to know is “desperate”. You must be desperate to act like hot $hit if that’s all your double digit brain has to give.

    #750385 Reply

    Raven

    The guy is an @ss… Delete his number.

    #750392 Reply

    Zoe

    @WTF how come you single digit brain seems to remember all I write under each post. Its an honor xaxa. Yes a lot of women writing on here are desperate. Otherwise they wouldnt be writing here.

    #750394 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    His reply wa snotty and pissy, don’t reply.

    #750402 Reply

    Omg

    There must be more to this story. Just saying. His response sounds as if he attempted to meet up and OP kept making excuses or not responding. I see no other reason a person would respond this way. He was very specific about saying she had her chance and blew it.

    I don’t buy that the OP doesn’t know the reason why they never ended up meeting for drinks when his response sounds specific.

    Many times women will also put men on the back burner and tease them along. Then when dates dry up they reach out to the men they back burnered. His response seems to imply this.

    #750406 Reply

    Crisula

    No, we won’t have drinks, ever. That’s in the past”

    “How should I answer…should I still care or try?

    Are you fricken serious?

    #750407 Reply

    Stephen

    Yes there is definitely more going on than the OP has said. His reply was anger born of frustration. Men don’t snap at women for nothing. The OP is trying to portray him unconsciously(?) as a brute.

    #750418 Reply

    julie

    Hi,
    well the “reasons” we never got to meet up was because the first time he asked me out, I had just got out a serious relationship and wasn’t ready to date anyone and I stayed single for a few months trying to get better.
    But we kept in touch “as friends” because we saw each other often having friends in common.
    Then he started dating this girl, and after a while I started dating a boy and when he broke up with her, I was still my this boy I was dating, so not available.
    And he started not hanging out with our common friends because he didn’t have the time anymore so we kept in touch via text, “hi how’s it going? what are you up to?” but we just didn’t talk about “dating” each other anymore.

    I really wouldn’t want to make him sound as the bad guy as I came here for help to understand why he got upset and how to figure something out.

    Not every story has something creepy to hide :)

    #750419 Reply

    julie

    well, on the otherside, I don’t know what he’s thinking…
    I can’t speak for him except what he wrote. He might have taken things badly, I don’t know why because last time we saw each other (real life) a few months back, we had a great conversation…that’s why I’m confused.

    #750426 Reply

    Lane

    TBH, it sounds like he’s with someone now and if for any reason his love interest / GF read it he wanted to make absolutely sure it showed that he wasn’t interested in entertaining anything with you or any other lady for that matter. 10-1 if this relationship ends he’ll come back with an apology and explanation but I wouldn’t touch him with a 100 foot pole because all he’ll be looking for is an ego stroke and a ‘friend’ to talk with as he suffering through the breakup.

    I would let this one go and continue on with your life.

    #750437 Reply

    T from NY

    OP – you do not sound desperate or stupid to me. I can totally understand you reaching out to someone (after you explained how it all went down) and seeing where his head was at. To be honest his answer was very unkind, as if he holds resentment. It was not needful and you didn’t deserve it IF, as you said, you were just always honest with him where you were at. But most men’s egos are incredibly fragile and don’t handle rejection well even if your reasons were pure for you.

    I generally take the Be a Lady road as often as possible. I give out to the universe what I want back. If he was someone I would never see again I may not even reply. But if he’s a casual acquaintance you may see through friends again — I would answer something like — “I’ve reflected on your answer and decided it was pretty harsh. We’ve been friends awhile now and though the timing had not been right before to explore something more — I had thought now I could be ready. Thanks for letting me know where you’re at” and then let it go. No one would blame you if you no longer wanted to chat with him when he reaches out again.

    #750453 Reply

    Ok

    I agree with Lanes analysis. I would not send a response. I’ve had men from the past reach out on Facebook when I was in a relationship and while not harsh I made it clear I was not available for the same reason Lane cited.

    If you saw this guy in person a few months ago and spoke I’m surprised you don’t know what’s going on in his life and he doesn’t know you are now open to dating. When you say great conversation what did you discuss? But in any case that would have been the time to discuss this and he could make the call to ask you out. Your meaaage seems to have taken him off guard. I would just let it go.

    #750485 Reply

    anon

    He was rude and sounds really jaded. I’ll give him credit for being direct and clear.
    Did you drop the ball on the first dates, a while back?

    LMAO, that sounds like something I’d say to a dude who ghosted me.

    I don’t think it is worth overthinking, probably just need to move along.

    #750490 Reply

    julie

    OK:
    haha I don’t know, when I talk to people I don’t usually ask about their love life unless they talk about it, or hint they are dating and such :)
    we talked about work, and how he had too much of it that’s why he wasn’t around as much…We were at an artshow so we talked about art as well. I mean I was just talking to a person like a would talk to anyone :)
    And he might have a GF, didn’t think about that really, because if it was the case, he’d be able to tell me “hey I got a girl so no…” and I probably would apologise because I didn’t know hahaha (knowing myself)

    Anon:
    like I said, when he asked me out, i had got out a long relationship, and was not ready to date…and he understood. I was really not dating anyone at all.

    Anyway, I did answer back (and got no response, and really wasn’t expecting one after what he said) I told him I was upset about his way of answering, that it’s never too late, and even if it was for him, he could have told me another way. I had never disrespected him and I don’t understand why he felt he had the right to talk to me that way.
    I also told him he wouldn’t hear from me anymore but if we were to run into each other in the future, I will act like the girl I’ve always been because I will not feel guilty for asking him out for a drink…it’s just a drink.

    Case closed I guess :) next

    Thanks guys

    #750500 Reply

    Ewa

    the way he responded to you I usually respond to guys who disrespected me or wasted my time in the past , so not sure what you did to him but I am guessing this is what happened here

    #750526 Reply

    Khadija

    He was very clear and rude that he has no interest in you.

    Why on earth would you ever reach out to this guy again?

    Please have some dignity and self worth.

    #750552 Reply

    Nathalie

    It doesn’t matter what happened in the past, his response was off the roof bitter and rude as hell.

    Do not reply to a response like that. You went for it and it’s not what he wants so you let him be now. End of story.

    #750557 Reply

    Amy S

    Ask him whats up with his attitude, seriously he didnt need to be so rude so I would call him on it.

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