I am afraid to be loved


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Better off single 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #732796 Reply

    Philophobia

    Yeah yeah yeah, seek therapy.

    Never again. As much as it hurts to say it. No.

    I have no problems with giving things to people. I have no problems giving love. I have no problems showing love. I have no problems giving. I am perfectly happy loving myself, loving others, and being there for people. I’m a doormat.

    Here’s why

    The second it’s reciprocated….I want to run and hide. I sabotage it. I push them away. I really, really, really f*ck it up for myself. I’m afraid to be loved and I want it so bad just with the right one thos time. No matter what I will always have that forgiving unconditional love. I still have a lot to work on. I’m not guarded. I’m so scared.

    When it finally happens and I find that special someone, he’s just going to get all he can out of me, take advantage of it, get bored or just abuse me, then move on to the next woman (most of the time it’s my best friend they wanna go after).

    The whole self fulfilling prophecy has happened 3 times so far.

    Im really not comfortable wearing makeup, doing my hair on a regular basis, or dressing up. I never really did that growing up. The few times (as a kid) I wanted to dress up, my brothers made fun of me and teased me for wearing a dress and makeup. Now, when I do, they still come with that shock. I try my hardest to never dress up around my family. They don’t make fun of me anymore though. They still do tease me. So everytime I dress up, make myself look like a woman, I feel so self conscious.

    Men look for that in a woman. One who dresses up and makes herself look pretty or has good fashion sense. I have none of it. It’s not me.

    #732802 Reply

    Miss_A

    You’re in victim mode. It sounds like you’ve been there for a while. Here are some questions that may alter your mindset:

    What do I love about myself?
    What do my family and friends love about me?
    What will my future boyfriend/husband love about me?
    What am I doing right now to improve my situation?
    What can I do in the next weeks/months to improve my situation?
    What would happen if I try one small change per day?

    (Suggestion: Read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey)

    #732804 Reply

    Kathy

    BOS, To get where you need to go, you have to work on yourself. We all do. You need to work on quitting being a doormat and yes, you usually do need to dress for a man to get his interest.

    Most women have to put their best foot forward to get the guy they like..

    And if you won’t get help being a doormat and can’t do it on your own, how do you expect things to get better? You need to talk to SOMEONE!

    #732819 Reply

    Nathalie

    BOS are you living like a plain Jane? Your brothers have scarred you but this is not who you are is it? There’s nothing wrong to look feminine if you feel feminine inside. It’s actually the way it should be. Can your best friend help you dress up etc. Just try it regularly until it becomes effortless. Guys obviously looks for femininity in a woman just like we would look for that masculinity. Fair trade.

    #732828 Reply

    Better off single

    Miss_A those are good questions to ask. Yeah, I guess I am a little. Every guy I have ever liked always ask me about her. I do get kind of jealous at the same time I don’t blame them. The 3 times its happened it always wound up being a fling. Not sure about the 3rd one though. I think he’s really, really into her. Which is OK. I’m bothered he’s trying to spend time with me while pining for her. I’d rather be done with him. I don’t like feeling jealous so I’ll be single.

    Most women have to put their best foot forward to get the guy they like…if I dress up, isn’t that false advertising when I get the guy and go back to being a Tom boy and I’ll lose the guy because he will lose interest? Seriously, I hate makeup and feel my best in jeans and a T-shirt. Most of the time the T-shirt is of a favorite band. Makeup feels weird on my skin like a mask, makes me break out, clogs my pores, and takes forever to put on. I get into my best friend’s closet and pretty much wear her clothes when we go out and do anything. She’s picked out a few nice outfits for me. I’ll give it a shot until it becomes effortless Nathalie.

    I really do need to work on myself on being more feminine I’m definitely not ready for a man.

    Thanks for the advice guys.

    #732837 Reply

    Janet

    Leave your past in the past and move on!
    No amount of therapy can fix you only YOU can fix you.
    Stop looking back and look forward – life is tough, but you have control over your future…find out who you are, what you’re comfortable with and be her. That’s okay- but only look at your past as a way to learn how to be new- DO NOT let it define you.
    GL

    #732838 Reply

    anon

    You need to be who you are to attract the right man for you.
    A lot of men love low maintenance women.

    I had a sex only thing with a guy and he didn’t date women who wore heels and make up because he wanted to find a partner that fit his lifestyle. Men have a pretty big range of what they find attractive and its not always what you expect it to be.

    #732846 Reply

    Anne ohio

    Ok, if you don’t wear makeup do you at least keep a good frequent haircut and trendy T shirts and jeans and sexy boots? No tennis shoes.

    #732850 Reply

    anon

    Oh for crying out loud, 1956 called and wants it’s dressing advice back.

    There are a lot of guys who love a woman in heels. There are a lot of guys who love a girl in chucks or cowboy boots. If you are a girl most comfortable in chucks, the guy who digs a chick in heels is not your best choice.

    You need to be you and be comfortable. I actually like an array of shoes and men have “that’s sexy” about my chucks, boots and heels. What’s sexy is confidence and if you feel like you are in a costume, you’ll lack it. When you are yourself, you will have no problem finding men who think you are sexy. It may not translate into relationships, that’s definitely harder, but you save yourself a lot of heartache by being yourself upfront.

    #732934 Reply

    Better off single

    Thank you again for the advice.

    I think I’m better off single for now.

    find out who I am , what I’m comfortable with and be her.

    6 years in the making and I’m still not there yet. At least I am closer than I was yesterday. :)

    #733323 Reply

    Get out of my phone set me free

    I just want to forget everything.

    Please Stop

    watching me.

    You don’t trust me. I don’t trust you. So what the duck are we doing?

    #733419 Reply

    Better off single

    Man…and I thought I was crazy.

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