Hurt and confused over a situationship

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #783789 Reply

    Name (required):

    Mod update: Hi folks, don’t waste your time here.

    I’ve been talking to this guy off and on over the last few years. There was nothing official between us, we have never met, he lives far away and we have been shooting e-mails back and forth confiding in each other. Helping (mostly me) solve problems with hardships in life. I am ever so grateful for it. We’ve had some disagreements, (over me dating other people and have no interest in long distance romantic relationships) I resented him for awhile, but it doesn’t change the positive impact he had on my life. He implied he was in love with me and I got really infatuated. He is super handsome. Like above average handsome. He takes very good care of himself and when it comes to guys like him, I have a very hard time believing a guy like that could ever fall in love with me let alone stay loyal. Plus, there is always the chance he isn’t who he says he is and sent me pictures of some model who never got a start in that business, completely lying about who he is and manipulating me for information for only God knows the reasons why. It was a risk I took because I liked him and it seemed he liked me too. It seemed we understood each other and there was a connection to him I had not had with anyone else ever in my life. I did my best to keep my distance in romance, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up…I still did.

    I introduced him to a few of my friends and he showed a keen interest in my best friend. It made me so jealous. I do not handle jealousy well. Due to my infatuation with him I got really posessive and it brought out an ugly side of me that rarely ever comes out. Think of that scene in that jared leto joker movie where common is checking out harley quinn and the joker loses it killing him, kind of posessive. When I get to that point in my jealousy, especially when I care about the other person, he seems more keen on her, I WILL set my feelings aside and move on. I had the hardest time with him. I have no reasoning or understanding of why I could not let it go.

    I couldn’t tell if he was doing it to get me back for dating other guys because he would continue being flirty and affectionate with me. He kept implying he wanted us both. He likes how beautiful, active, funny, and social she is. He likes me for my mind and thinks I’m cute. It really bothered me and I don’t like sharing men. Especially men I would want a future with. Every time I’d get jealous and it shows especially in writing, he would go on and on how great my best friend is adding fuel to the fire. The messed up thing is I really connected to him and liked him for who he was until his ugly side came out. He was talking to her too, where I respect he was honest about it, it still hurt me when he started treating me differently and her with more affection. I was so mad, I rejected it every time he tried. It turned me off he was doing it to us both. She had been seeing other men and he didn’t seem to mind but it was a huge problem with me seeing other guys. I was trying to get over it and just let them have each other since that is what he wanted. It made no sense! It really broke my heart. He said I should have just stayed loyal to him and waited for him to show up.

    I wait for nobody. Especially when I am unsure about it.

    He’s going to be in town soon and it got to the point where I don’t even want to meet him. I have a pretty good intuition and also a very vivid imagination so I get confused a lot. I’m worried we will meet, he will apologise, I will forgive him, we date, I fall in love, he finally gets to sleep with me until he is bored with me, then dump me for my best friend.

    I asked him to leave me alone. I forgive him for everything, I no longer hope to see a good future with this because of how toxic our friendship became. How he continued to hit me where it hurts. I’ve blocked him and he always finds a way to contact me it leaves me more confused. I always answer because I do care. I know I probably won’t get the whole truth out of him and if we do meet, I don’t want to get infatuated with him again. If he chooses her over me every time, I would rather see her happy than get my heart broken AGAIN in the process.

    I really have no idea what he wants. He won’t be clear about it and does not seem to want to leave me alone. What should I do?

    #783795 Reply


    I’m a bit confused, you said he sent you photos and you worry that he might not be who he says he is. Maybe fake photos . But then you go on to tell us that you introduced him to your friends and he was interested in your BF?

    Have you met him yet or not?

    #783797 Reply


    All of this for a guy you’ve never met…

    #783798 Reply


    You’ve never met this guy???
    I wouldn’t waste my time on him anymore.

    If you need someone to confide in, reach out to someone you know or an a therapist.

    This man could be married, an old man talking to you for kicks, who knows.

    #783799 Reply


    I stopped reading at “we never met”. Nothing else matters. Almost a certainty he’s not even the person in the pictures he’s sent, unless you’ve video chatted and you have actually seen him.

    All of this is a fantasy and only you can decide to stop it. And once you do, you need to work out why you’re putting so much time and energy into an imaginary relationship with an imaginary man instead of dating men in person in your area. You’re avoiding something. Only you know what it is.

    #783800 Reply


    Sorry, I quit reading when you stated you have never met.

    #783810 Reply

    LaFrance Thibodeaux

    @ Raven l0l we think alike!..I wouldnt give him the time of day or night let alone the satisfaction of being jealous!..

    #783819 Reply

    Anon 2

    You’ve never met so could you introduce him to your friend??? Do you video call? This is all just fantasy…you’ve built him up in your head to be some fantastic human being…he .most likely is not. He is probably sitting in front of his computer or looking at his phone messaging the same stuff to loads of women. The ‘Oh, I’m so jealous your seeing other men’ carry on, is made to keep you hanging around, he’s enjoying manipulating you and your allowing him to do it….I know because I’ve been there. Drop him like a hot brick and find a real person to love

    #783824 Reply

    Name (required):

    We were supposed to meet. I don’t want to because of all the issues in communication we have had. I guess i don’t tell him the right words and nothing is ever good enough. He’s been continuously insulting me. I’ve been blocking him because i don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

    Then he gets mad because he thinks I should fight for us. Why would I fight for someone whom i have never even met and does these mind games with me? Why should I fight at all? I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to be changing my emails and continue blocking him. He should take the hint and accept this is over and go away.

    I’ve been dating locally. I don’t communicate with him much and i have been continuing to doing my own thing. He seems to be mad about it. It’s like he wants me to drop everything and focus on him. He doesn’t want me seeing other men. Wants me to answer immediately when he sends a message. I’m not making him a priority. Why should I? Says he doesn’t want me moving on. He thinks about me often but I told him that I would rather move on and find someone who only has eyes for me. He lost a good one.

    He makes my lady parts sad.

    If we’re having trouble now, I see no reason to continue. He wont accept it and it is making me frustrated.

    #783844 Reply


    OK Name… time to get a grip and stop letting him dictate what happens.

    You tell him it’s over and you block him. That’s IT. He doesn’t like it? Tough. He won’t accept it? He doesn’t have a choice, you have a right to end it.

    Just do it and stop the insanity. This is on you now. Not about him any longer.

    #783894 Reply

    ANM Staff

    BOS, I told you.

    You are unwelcome to post here.

    I have been exceedingly nice about the situation, but I am unamused when I have to invest my time into chasing after you after telling you that you are unwelcome. It’s clear that you have zero respect for this community’s time or emotional investment in this forum.

    If I find any more new topics or replies by you in these forums, I will put them right into the garbage.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  ANM Staff.
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