How to tell if male coworker is attracted to me?

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lizzy 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #760512 Reply


    Hello! I am a 19 year old female who just finished up an internship with a company in Europe. I live in New York City, so I traveled overseas for this internship and recently flew back to America.

    While I was interning, there was a cute male coworker (30 years old) who works in a different department, but would sometimes stop by my department because he needed to interact with coworkers from my department for projects. I was interning for a total of 2 months, but for some reason, this coworker didn’t begin really talking/interacting with me until the last few days of my internship. I was introduced to him towards the beginning of my internship, but he never gave off signs of interest (I never caught him staring or looking at me and he never tried to talk to me).

    It just so happened that during the last week of my internship, he came up to my department and asked for my boss, who at the time, was in a meeting, so he asked me if I could help forward a message to my boss and gave me his email so I can email him to let him know when my boss is out of the meeting. Then, he asked me how my internship is going and started striking up a conversation with me. He asked me where I go to school, how I like it in the city, what I study, what I do in my free time, etc. He is charming and sweet, and he was smiling, making eye contact, and listening/keeping the conversation going. I didn’t think much of it because I thought he was just being friendly and making conversation.

    2 days later on my last day of my internship, an email from him popped up in my inbox asking me for a small favor/help on a project. However, he could have asked anyone else for help because there are people who are just as qualified as I am in the office that could help him. Nevertheless, I said I was happy to help. I dropped by his desk, and after he briefly explained the project instructions to me, I was just about to walk away from his desk when he struck up a conversation with me again. He didn’t know that it was my last day of my internship, but when I told him, he seemed surprised and it felt like he wanted to increase the amount of time we spend together. I don’t know, maybe this is all in my head though.

    He teased me about not having a formal company email address (they don’t give company email addresses to interns) and I noticed that he asked me a lot of personal questions. We started talking about each other and he brought up things that I said in previous conversation. His body was completely facing me, he made great eye contact, he was smiling and seemed to be listening intently. It felt easy and comfortable to talk to him. He kept the conversation going and didn’t seem hesitant to get more personal with me by asking me questions about myself and allowing me to share personal information about myself.

    At lunch time, he and I were in the cafeteria at the same time and we made eye contact once (when I looked at him he looked at me too), but I was too shy to sustain it so I looked away as soon as we made eye contact. However, we both seemed to become aware of each other’s presence at the same time.

    He also likes to make me laugh and teases me/jokes around with me.

    I wasn’t able to finish the project for him until very late in the afternoon and at that point, most people had gone home. He and I were one of the last people left in the office. I went to his desk to report back to him about the project. We spent a long while talking, somewhere between 30-45 minutes. The first 5-10 minutes were used to discuss the project, and the rest of the time, we were sitting there chatting about nothing work-related. We chatted about personal interests, hobbies, family, nightlife, our pasts, places we like to go in the city and things like that.

    For some reason, he likes to talk to me and ask me personal questions. The conversation flowed and I noticed that again, he brought things up that I had said in previous conversations and he was not shy about making me laugh, joking with me and asking me questions about myself. It was easy to laugh with him and he would smile and make good eye contact.

    We had a good time getting to know each other and when it came time to go, he said, “So how are you going to spend your last night here before you go back to New York?” I told him that I have dinner plans with a female coworker and will be spending time with my family as well. Looking back on the conversation now, I wonder if he was asking me that question in order to find out if I have plans so he could hang out with me. I wonder what would have happened if I told him that I have nothing planned and that my night is open. Do you think this was his way of potentially trying to find out if I have time to hang out?

    He will sometimes tease/joke around with me over email, adding smiley emojis here and there. But no obvious flirting. The reasons why I don’t feel like he likes me/is attracted to me is because he never really showed interest until the last week of my internship, I haven’t really caught him staring/looking at me, he has never touched me, he doesn’t say anything obviously flirty (i.e. asking if I have a boyfriend, complimenting me, asking for my number, etc), and he has never asked me out in a direct way. I feel like his behavior has been pretty ambiguous and can totally be just friendly. Maybe he’s just a charming, friendly and charismatic guy who likes to build relationships with his coworkers.

    He also told me that he wants to come visit friends in New York at some point and that he’ll ask me for recommendations and things to do if he goes to New York. So apparently, he wants to stay in touch even after I leave the company.

    About a day after I left my internship, he added me on LinkedIn. I don’t know if this has any significance since LinkedIn is a professional networking site and he probably was just trying to increase the amount of networking connections he has.

    What do you guys think? He’s attracted to me or just being a friendly coworker? Would appreciate the help :)

    P.S. A few weeks ago, I told one of my female coworkers that I think he is cute. She then went on to tell HIM that I think he’s cute. According to her, he was super happy when she told him that I think he’s cute. So…I dunno if this has anything to do with it? There was so much time in between her telling him and then him beginning to interact with me though, so I’m hesitant to believe that him knowing that I think he’s cute has much to do with the current scenario.

    #760513 Reply


    Why does any of this matter? First of all, you’re 19, he’s 30. Second, he lives on a different continent. He obviously just wants to have sex with you. Nothing more. You’re reading into this. He doesn’t want you in any other way but the bedroom.

    #760514 Reply


    Hi A! Thanks for the response and honest answer. What has led you to believe that he wants to have sex with me? I am not saying you are wrong, not at all. I am just very curious to hear your perspective.

    #760515 Reply


    Because your 19. No 30 year old is seriously going to date someone who is 19. You have nothing in common. He was going through puberty when you were born. Also, you need to pick up on social cues better. He was more interested in you after he found out it was your last day. Once again, an indication he only wants sex.

    #760516 Reply


    I understand your point. Thank you for your feedback! Appreciate it :)

    #760546 Reply


    @Omg, thanks for your response! I know it’s a long way. At least we can keep in touch and who knows, maybe he will decide to visit his friends in New York someday haha.

    #760548 Reply

    Wendy Hart

    You are both miles away from each other, if anything the whole context of your problem seems pretty moot. First off, even if he did have feelings for you or what, do you think he would uproot his entire life to move to where you are? Or will you do the same? I think not.

    You’re just 19, there is a whole world out there for you. Don’t dwell on the sweet nothings, because that’s what it is, plain nothing. Go home and build your career. Love with definitely follow.

    #760549 Reply


    Must everyone jump on the “he just wanted to have sex with you” train?

    From what you’ve written it sounds like he was just being nice. Asking what you were doing your last night in town was just a question, not some way to get to sleep with you.

    It’s an obvious question to ask and innocent based on your interactions at work, all above board.

    If he was a creepy 30 year old looking to hook up with a 19 year old he would have been sharking after you for two months.

    You’re young and had a nice brush with an adult male. That’s great. Take it as part of your experience interning overseas. .

    #760553 Reply


    Yes, I understand that there is quite some distance between us and it would be very unrealistic to expect him or me to move for each other. We barely know each other anyway lol. But oh, he’s so cute and I can’t get him off my mind, and who says a girl can’t dream :P

    DD, thank you for your answer. I get that his behavior can be taken either way (flirty or just being nice) and yeah, maybe he really was just being a nice guy. I guess I’ll never know for sure!

    #760554 Reply


    You’re 19. Of course you’re going to dream! I had many crushes and dreams at 19 too.

    You’re also going to meet many men in the professional world. Focus on your career and see where life leads you.


    #760555 Reply


    Ahaha yes indeed, thanks DD!

    #779234 Reply


    Hi everyone! This is a very old thread, but I have an update. I just want to say that all has been figured out and his intentions have become crystal clear. :)

    This past Monday, he came to NYC and we went on a date! He took me to dinner at a really nice restaurant, we kissed in the rain (ugh I know, how romantic!), we held hands, walked around the city together, and he was a very respectful, protective and caring gentleman. I had a really great time getting to know him and he was asking me a lot of questions, being very attentive and engaged fully in our conversation.

    To be honest, I already knew this even way back during the summer, but he expressed clear romantic attraction to me.

    We spent 5 hours together…the time just flew by. He wants to see me again, whether that be next time I’m in Europe or the next time he’s in NYC.

    Thanks to everyone who contributed to my thread. To the naysayers, well I’m happy to say that my story has a very happy ending :)

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