This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by 4 months, 1 week ago.
November 8, 2018 at 8:52 am #728682
I have been dating a guy (not official) for the past 3 months, I like talking to him and I am starting to notice I am becoming a bit needy or anxious when he is not responding (that doesn’t happen often) He is very busy with work now and I am trying to respect that and give him space but I am struggling.
I know some of you might say I am annoying and he will run away, and I agree it might be the case, but since he is still here and I am noticing I am in the wrong I am asking for some advice please .
I also need to add I am not a needy type by nature and he is probably the one guy that has to experience my neediness hehNovember 8, 2018 at 9:21 am #728692
Has he ever given you any reason to doubt the relationship? As neediness can sometimes stem from not feeling secure within a relationship.
Also have you been single for long before this relationship. Maybe unresolved issues you have dealt with before getting into this one.
Only reason I ask one of my friend become very needy as she jumped from relationship to relationship.
The only thing that helped her was messaging me funny enough when she would not hear from him. I would reassure her that he was either busy with work. Or one time she knew he was cutting the grass. She panicked and messaged she hadn’t heard from him in like an hour and half. Again I said he is probably busy with that. He messaged half an hour later and guess what he was busy gardening.
She is still needy but they are currently together still.
But maybe when your have the urge to reach out or be needy. Message a friend and rant to her or him instead.November 8, 2018 at 9:28 am #728695
If you aren’t official after three months he may just view you as casual and not a priority, what are you looking to gain from this non exclusive situation,November 8, 2018 at 9:28 am #728696
We had few issues nothing major though. I know he head is at work now, concentrating on his training etc
And no I have been single for few years now I think I have lost a bit of confidence and maybe feel a bit insecure.November 8, 2018 at 9:31 am #728698
we both agreed with his travelling/work and the distance we won’t be jumping into relationship.if it happens in the future fine but I am not sure if I am ready myself. I still like exploring my options.
I know I said 3 months but we see each other every 2/3 weeks so it is all very slow.November 8, 2018 at 9:53 am #728702
If you like exploring your options why are you so needy with this one. LDR combined with his heavy work schedule is a waste of time. Seeing each other once a month isn’t going to result in much more than a regular booty call.November 8, 2018 at 9:58 am #728703
I think neediness is a sign you shouldn’t ignore, ie, you want more attention and its attention he can’t really give you. If you are only dating every couple of weeks it just might not *really* be right for you if you want more. It’s natural to want to communicate with a partner (not a character flaw). I think some of that anxiety is actually you wondering if he’s on the same page.
I think you need to communicate to the guy what you want instead of just hoping that what you want doesn’t annoy you.November 8, 2018 at 10:12 am #728707
because at the moment I have no other options haha hence why I am needy with this one
he normally text me all day everyday , but now he is away busy with work so it has become difficult to talk/communicate.
We see each other 2/3 times a month, usually spend whole weekend together .
I am starting to notice I am more used to the daily texts rather than actually missing his presenceNovember 8, 2018 at 10:28 am #728710
Maybe you can explain exactly how you feel you are being needy. If it’s because you only see him every 2-3 weeks and you want more time with him I think that would be a normal response when you are trying to build an emotional connection and new relationship with someone. I personally don’t believe that LDRs work unless you’ve already formed a relationship with the person after dating awhile and then they have to move for work, school, family, military, etc. If you are trying to start a relationship starting off long distance it is like trying to push a large boulder up a hill.
Your anxiety at not hearing from him is probably normal because you are only seeing him every 2-3 weeks and the in person time is what you should be paying attention to instead of the text messages and calls. But since he is only spending time with you once or twice a month it’s hard to gauge his feelings or how the relationship is progressing. It’s possible an LDR is not for you and it is the cause of your anxiety.November 8, 2018 at 10:41 am #728712
No I don’t have a problem with seeing him 2/3 times a month. I like my own space too so I don’t need to see him often .
I guess it might be something to do with my past. I’ve never really dealt with someone who would be so busy so I don’t really know if he is genuinely busy or just trying to avoid talking to me. the second part like I said earlier might be my insecurity, as I assume if he didn’t want to talk/meet me he wouldn’t.November 8, 2018 at 10:42 am #728714
in general I think I got so used to the daily texts that now when I don’t hear from him as often I go into panic mode.November 8, 2018 at 2:47 pm #728748
You need a hobby or something to focus on. Leave him alone, if he doesn’t text u that means he’s busy and has other things on his mind. You obviously want more from this relationship, it is so evident in your words. Panic is a strong word, and if u are truly panicking when u don’t hear from him, u need to get that under control. He will contact u when he’s ready. Throwing yourself into a panic isn’t going to change his behavior.November 9, 2018 at 8:10 am #728792
A busy person cannot sustain that level of communication and contact as his focus is on his job and upcoming travel, not progressing a relationship with you. This is “a fling” a temporary companionship that will eventually fade out and need to start mentally preparing for it. I suggest you start the process of weaning yourself from him so when it does fizzle out you won’t have to go through a major withdrawal because you’ve begun the process of weaning yourself off him. Instead of worrying or panicking when he doesn’t communicate, be thankful he isn’t so you can detach yourself from a dead end situation.
Keep saying over and over “he doesn’t love me, this is a fling, he’s leaving and I need to let go of him.” By changing your mental thought process it will start helping you to alleviate the neediness your experiencing and slowly detach yourself from this non-relationship.November 9, 2018 at 8:35 am #728793
it is funny cause yesterday I was saying he doesn’t communicate, last night (his morning) he told me we are exclusive and I started taking longer time to reply and he was very responsive, same thing today, he even booked a spa for us for when he gets back.