How to convince yourself that he\'s no good for you, and let go?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals How to convince yourself that he\'s no good for you, and let go?

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #794422 Reply
    Ada

    It was the summer of 2019 and I was in an open relationship. I got involved with this guy, let’s call him Sam and it was an amazing physical connection like I’ve never experienced before. He made it clear that we would only have a “summer fling” while my boyfriend was away for work. But I developed feelings for him, which he wasn’t okay with since I had a boyfriend and he said that if I wasn’t already taken, he had no reason to not pursue something with me. So when my boyfriend came back, we ended our fling and remained friends. Fast forward a few months, he started and ended a relationship, and my boyfriend and I broke up. He and I continued our friendship, but after our respective relationships were over we got physically involved again. But not like before, it was more spaced out and we never talked about what it meant. Whenever I tried to bring it up he would avoid the conversation. At one point I convinced myself that I didn’t have any feelings for him anymore and that his behavior was clearly telling me that I am just a friend that he sometimes has sex with. But whenever I bring up that I know that’s all I am, he seems upset and hurt, and starts telling me that’s not the case and that he truly cares about me, but never takes the conversation beyond that. He is a very attractive man so he has no issues picking up women, so part of me thinks he’s not just coming to me because he has no one else. He walks, talks, and looks like a player but as I’ve gotten to know him a little bit better, sometimes I think that’s just an image he portrays and he might actually be a little misunderstood by the people around him. But could I just be telling myself that because that’s what I want to believe? A few months went by and we were able to hang out and spend time alone together as friends without any sexual or romantic undertones, so I was doing fine because I was over him. But then a man who is interested in me asked me about what I saw in Sam. When I was done, this other man was hurt because from my words he could tell that I was not over Sam at all but that I had buried my feelings and was trying to deny them. And he doesn’t understand how I could still have feelings and defend a guy who only sees me as “f*ck*ble but not dateable”. And that got me thinking a lot. I think I still harbor some sort of hope that he will come around and try to have something with me. So, once again, I brought up the comment of “not dateable”, to which his response was “that is so not true”. He even said it goes both ways. So he said let’s have dinner and talk about this. But when I reached out the day of to confirm time, he was sick and asked to reschedule. And now I’m in a slump again because I feel I’m being played.

    So, thoughts? Am I fooling myself and trying to read something that’s clearly not there? Thanks in advance.

    #794447 Reply
    Newbie

    Yes you are fooling yourself thinking this will become a relationship. Because if he wanted to, he would made that perfectly clear. He doesnt want to commit. The other guy was spot on about this situation. I would for sure not sleep with Sam again since its cloudimg your judgement

    #794548 Reply
    LJ

    Raise your own worth in your own eyes. What would you say to your best friend if she was wasting time worrying about a guy who saw her as good for only one thing? Honestly if you allow other guys in (and don’t talk about Sam) you are opening up opportunities to meet someone who wants something more with you than just sex. Sam can say all he likes that you mean more to him than that. So give Sam an opportunity by getting him off that pedestal and back in the realm of other blokes. You don’t need to tell him you are seeing other guys. He will find out. If he wants to lock you down there’s his opportunity to step up and get real. He wont step up if he doesn’t want more, neither will he if he senses you are holding back waiting for him to. He knows you will give him time to do it if and when he is good and ready. So why wait around for him? If he does decide to lock you down only then do you have the talk about being exclusive.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
Reply To: How to convince yourself that he\'s no good for you, and let go?
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

recent topics