How to communicate my frustration


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  KayT 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #773112 Reply

    KayT

    hello everyone, i have questions about a guy I met a couple of months ago online. At the beginning, he asked me out a lot because he was changing jobs and had some free time. i couldn’t really meet with him cos i had a busy time at work. i would politely let him know and suggest other dates. Now, he only wants to meet if i initiate it. We always have a nice fun time when we do. he insists on paying and once, i went to the grocery store with him and he carried all my bags without me asking.
    He claims that he thinks of me all the time.
    Problem is that he doesnt initiate meetings anymore and barely replies even though i can see he has read my message. he has always been a bad texter since we met and still is. On Monday, I asked if he wanted to hang out on Wednesday, he said yes. i asked to fix a time but he didn’t reply until this morning saying that work has been extremely crazy for him. He didn’t even mention the fact that we were supposed to meet 2 days earlier. He has been messaging like nothing’s wrong. I am still pissed at this esp as it has happened twice. How do i communicate my annoyance with the attitude in a feminine classy way and make him start initiating meeting with me?

    #773113 Reply

    Newbie

    A feminine classy way? All i can think of is that a guy who doesnt fix dates has low interest and you shouldnt take over the asking and initiating. So i would stop all together and only respond when he asks. Looks like he is more busy now but that doesnt mean you reverse roles

    #773116 Reply

    Better off single

    Don’t match his communication style. He’s probably not that interested.

    #773119 Reply

    KayT

    By feminine classy way, i do not want to bleep the sh*t out of him :) I don’t want to write him off as not interested cos even though he messages at snail speed, he keeps insisting that he’d rather meet than text. He wants to meet but doesn’t suggest anything. I won’t either cos i am still salty about the “blow-off” and i want him to start taking initiative again without sounding “petty”. I don’t know if this makes sense

    #773120 Reply

    KayT

    Newbie and better off single, I agree with you both

    #773123 Reply

    Lane

    Men understand actions more than words, so show him with ACTION that he needs to step up and re-initiate plans by not making or initiating plans. If he ask’s what’s up, then you nicely say “you were really good at making plans but have been busy lately so I’m laying low until your ready to do so gain.” Start with a positive and then politely tell him its his job to re-initiate plans again.

    Kind of sounds like both you may be too busy to see each other?

    #773125 Reply

    Newbie

    I do understand what youre saying but its really hard to change a person and even more illogical if this happens early on because you also need to gauge how he feels.
    If you dont mind initiating, keep doing that. But i cant find a classy way to make him step up because most attempts will look like a turn off to him or desperate.
    I do have a friend where the woman made all the moves including dragging him into her bed. They have 2 kids now but to me he is the same old slow passive guy he always was (although very handsome and funny) amd he would make me screaming i had to live with him.

    #773129 Reply

    Alex

    I wouldnt say anything to him. I would mirror him. Let him chase you & if he doesn’t? He’s not that keen.

    #773130 Reply

    Barb

    The fact you want to “make” him step up means you are more interested in him than he is in you.

    He’s either interested or not. In this case – he is not! He may pop up every now & again when bored or lonely.

    I would move on entirely from this one. You can reply or not when he texts. When a man is not that interested, he will use “work, being busy, tired, sick ….etc as excuses so as not to hurt your feelings

    #773133 Reply

    Dangerouse

    By communicating annoyance you mean talking him into doing better. You don’t talk a man into doing better.

    You find a better man.

    #773437 Reply

    KayT

    Thanks a lot everyone!

    I started to mirror his actions. Out of the blue, he messages me that he realizes that he missed out on us meeting and some long excuses (work-related) why he didn’t get back. Told him he was a few days too late. He apologized again and we left it at that. I don’t plan to initiate anything again. Let’s see how this goes. BTW, i am still open to meeting other men. So i am not laser-focused on him. He just seems to be the one i have the best chemistry with so far.

    #773438 Reply

    Ewa

    I wouldn’t even bother, excuse is just an excuse , you are clearly not on his mind if he forgets about your date.

    I would delete his number :)

    #773445 Reply

    anon

    If I am dating a guy and they forget a date? Especially early on when you *should* be pretty excited? That right there is a “good luck in dating, take care” moment for me.

    I’ve been dating for 3 years. I have NEVER forgotten a date. When my own mother died, I had a date scheduled and STILL gave the guy the courtesy of a “we need to reschedule” text once I picked myself up off the floor.

    The only forgiveness to it is if they make it up to you in a very big way without you needing to say a thing. Had he texted you “OMG, I blew off our date. I am so sorry. If you are free Friday I’d love to take you (somewhere nice for dinner).”, then I might reconsider.

    #773448 Reply

    tammy

    I think all the posters make sense. he made excuses but didn’t set up another date. come on he may be busy over the week but he could have booked you for the weekend or something. he could have simply said sorry about the missed date but lets meet instead on so and so day. come up with alternate plans. he hasn’t. which is not good. just don’t bother too much about him. if he msgs do text back. or if he calls do respond. but till he shows more interest and make plans for meeting this is not happening.

    #773454 Reply

    Khadija

    It appears to me that this guy isn’t available to date.
    I wouldn’t waste anymore time or energy wondering about him.

    There are other guys that you could be dating for some reason you want to fixate on this one.

    I’m sure you really like him but, his behavior shows he’s not that interested in you.

    #773594 Reply

    KayT

    Little update – he sends messages, i ask if he wants to talk, he says yes that he’ll call after doing “whatever activity he feels like mentioning”. of course he doesn’t. The next day, he messages me and sends me a bunch of jokes not mentioning the fact he didn’t call. He did it again yesterday saying he’ll call after dinner. He didn’t and so i sent a message if his saying he wants to talk after different activities is his way of running away from actually talking. he apologized for this behavior and promised to call without fail this morning to explain something. Of course, he didn’t and i can’t be bothered anymore. In the beginning, i used to be worried but now, i feel that nothing is wrong with him, it’s just his attitude. As at today, i have officially closed the door on this. Won’t even bother answering his text messages. Thanks everyone for your time

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