Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › How Should I Sort Things out with my Ex BF? It's Just Really Confusing Right Now
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K.
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Maleeha
Me and my BF were together for over a year. We both were very invested in our relationship, and even thought we are still in high school, everyone we met -including our parents- saw us lasting. We had the communication, connection, trust, and affection. Over school break, we never talked much because we were busy with our personal lives, but this time I felt like I was losing him. He didn’t seem to be interested in me anymore, was busy with his own things, and seeing me no longer seemed to be important to him. Once school restarted, it continued, and I barely talked to him, and I initiated all our conversations.
I understood that basketball season was ongoing and he wanted to do well. I tried to give him his space for a month. Finally, I sent him texts asking why he was acting the way he was. When he didn’t respond, I got angry – which is rare for me -and accused him of ignoring me and said that there are many problems in our relationship that I would like to talk to him about but I never got the chance.
He responded and said he needed time, until basketball season was over at least. A few days later I found out from his friends that we had apparently “broken up”. He ignored me from then onwards. I waited a week before sending him a sincere acceptance text saying i understand, and if we could just talk? He saw it, but didn’t respond. I didn’t react with desperation, and I personally think I left with dignity.
But I still see him looking at me in math class, even though he moves his desk away from me in our assigned seating arrangement. I know he still is confused and all that. But I don’t have that sense of closure I need and seeing him isn’t helping me get over him. It has been 5 weeks since we last spoke and acknowledged each other’s presence.
What should I do? Should I attempt to contact him one last time or preserve my little dignity left?
Newbie
Why are you talking about dignity? Is that the most important thing to you? You did nothing wrong, your bf lost interest so you wanted to talk and when he didnt want to talk, you got mad about it. I would too if he was such a coward about it. But from now on: forget people think you would last because you didnt (and thats not so strange given how young you are) and totally ignore him. He didnt have the balls to tell you its over. You had to hear from someone else. So he blew it
kaye
I’m sorry. I know losing your first love is hard and confusing and you are struggling with all these feelings for the first time. I am over 30 years out of high school now and from my friends I know the percentage of people who got together in high school and actually stayed together and lasted is very small. If you had all the things you say….communication, connection, trust and affection…this would have ended differently. In the end you really didn’t have those things did you? I mean he couldn’t even communicate he actually dumped you!! You gave him space for a month and he ignored you when you asked to talk. Then HIS friends had to tell you the two of you were done. What kind of jerk does that?!?! And why did you apologize? He dumped you after a year of dating and didn’t even bother to tell you and YOU are the one apologizing to him!! NO, NO my dear!! You will learn with future relationships that this boy has given you all the closure you need! Normally a man isn’t going to tell you the truth in a break up conversation because he may not even know himself why he’s lost feelings or doesn’t see a future. And then when they do tell you things you start overthinking it, it gives you more questions than answers and makes you dwell on what you could have done different, etc. If I were in your situation I would not contact him. I wouldn’t speak to him, I would ignore him and walk right past him if he tried to speak to me. You need to show him his treatment of you was wrong and you aren’t going to put up with it. It’s been 5 weeks and he still hasn’t had the decency to tell you he handled this wrong and he’s sorry. Show him it’s over and done and he’s got a ton of groveling and apologizing to do if he even wants to ever speak to you again.
Unfortunately in life you are going to have to go through some heartbreaks before you find your forever person. You will learn from them and get stronger and have deeper relationships because of it.
K
Honestly his behavior doesn’t surprise me because he’s young. Not all high school boys are like this, but boys in general just don’t always think like we do. I completely understand why you’d be worried at the growing distance between you. It’s a legitimate concern and it should be something he’s willing to discuss with you seriously if he cares about you. He’s obviously bothered if he’s going out of his way to move away from you or whatever else. Someone who actually isn’t bothered doesn’t try to make it seem so obvious. Just ignore him, and focus on yourself. If he’s worth it he’ll come back willing to treat you better. If not, then good riddance!!
K
K – I”ve been posting on this site as K for a while, would you please choose another name so we don’t get mixed up with each other. Thanks.
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