How Long Should It Take to Get a Second Date?


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This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  anon 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #746235 Reply

    LanaLala

    Had a very nice, spontaneous afternoon-date with this guy I had been chatting with for a few days on OKC. It was short due to our respective schedules but we got on very, very well. He asked me out again then, and stole a kiss when he left. I was quite flustered.

    It’s been almost two days now. We’ve texted since then and he confirmed he had a great time and there should be a « next date » but he hasn’t made a formal move. Also, he was very chatty on OKC but he’s not anymore. It’s to be noted I haven’t seen him on the platform since then, so I’m assuming he’s not talking to anyone else, at least not on there. He also mentioned during the date that from experience, he didn’t think going too fast was healthy.

    He appears to be a very confident man, which I’m not used to as I tend to attract very insecure men trying to lock me down right away (and despite myself, I’m way too receptive to love-bombing). So I’m not sure if he’s playing it cool here or if he’s just not that interested.

    What do you think? Thanks

    #746238 Reply

    Becky

    So your date was Sunday? If he’s interested he should be in touch this week for a second date or minimally texting you. If nearly all communication drops off, after he met you, he wasn’t interested. Even if a guy says let’s plan a 2nd date doesn’t mean a 2nd date will work out. Definitely let him initiate all the contact and pursue you- that way you will know his interest level.

    #746240 Reply

    Zoe

    Let him lead if he wants a date with you. Do not text him. I would say if no date within a week I would cross him out. But dont wait on him date other men

    #746242 Reply

    LanaLala

    @Becky: Yes, the date was on Sunday afternoon. We texted afterwards that we had a great time, and again yesterday, but he kept the exchange to a minimum. I last texted (answering a question of his) and no blue tick.

    #746243 Reply

    LanaLala

    @Zoe: I am ;)

    #746248 Reply

    T from NY

    It’s only been 2 days. And listen to your guts. You wrote it to us — being susceptible to love bombing means you smoke hopium on a regular basis and are in-love with the IDEA of love instead of enjoying an authentic connection and seeing a man for what he IS.

    Be still. Distract your anxiousness with real living of your own life. Let this man show you who he is. He most certainly will! With his actions or lack of.

    I currently have a crush. We’ve been on 3 dates. The last one was amazing. He also talked about another date. He also followed up via text. But in my mind dates are NEVER for real until they actually are planned and the man is standing where he’s says he will be! I like him. But I literally lose interest now unless the guy is courting me properly. Because I know my worth and exactly the behavior I expect. So I am calm. I will let him show me if he is interested in me, as I am in him. And if he is not — BYE FELICIA. I retain the benefit of my beautiful, peaceful, amazing life.

    Get to work on this. I worked hard to feel this way so that no man was responsible for my happiness. You can do it too.

    #746272 Reply

    LanaLala

    @T from NY Thank you for the wise words. You are completely right. I’m trying to get there too. Not easy but I can’t just keep repeating my insane patterns with men forever, it’s exhausting.

    #746275 Reply

    Leah

    Pretty sound advice here so far. Go about your day as usual, don’t be super quick to respond to him or else he’ll get the idea you have nothing better to do than wait around for him. Just keep up with what you’re doing and wait for him to make plans. Otherwise, cut him loose if he hasn’t made plans within the next several days and move onto the next.

    #746299 Reply

    Khadija

    Give it about a week and if you don’t hear from him, on to the next.

    Don’t overthink this because it was only one date.

    #746319 Reply

    Emma

    He told you he wants to take things slow, that’s why he is not contacting you. He will contact you.

    Do not jump up and down with joy just yet LOL

    Why?

    Because it is what HE thinks and how he wants to proceed. You clearly need more involvement. If you go entirely with his pace, you’d always be sitting counting days and hours before he contacts you. While he is going to what he needs to. In most cases “taking slow” means multi shopping. He is dating multiple women, selecting between them. Do not misinterpret what I am saying, I am not saying love bombing is the answer, or moving too fast is the answer. I am saying if your needs are not met, then move on.

    I agree with the others, if one week goes by and he does not ask you out PROPERLY, move on.

    #746331 Reply

    Annie

    Only time will tell, I would give it at least a week. Men with decent jobs can be busy, you don’t want to be involved with someone who is available 24/7.

    #746391 Reply

    LanaLala

    @Emma Good point. He did text last night, but it was just a random line to keep me engaged. He was on OKC again right after. So shopping around, yes. Clearly, it’s not going to work for me. If he doesn’t ask me out today, I’ll say something.

    #746401 Reply

    Tallspicy

    What will you say? How about not responding anymore?

    #746403 Reply

    LanaLala

    @Tallspicy Assuming he will text.

    #746406 Reply

    L

    You are going to say something? It’s not ok if the guy didn’t really like you?

    #746416 Reply

    LanaLala

    @L It is. I’ll say something if he keeps texting without asking me out properly. That’s what I meant, I thought that was clear.

    #746420 Reply

    Karen

    You are drama. Just block and ignore him.

    #746422 Reply

    LanaLala

    @Karen Err, ok ^^ It’s been 3 days and we’ve texted every day since the date. Aren’t YOU a bit dramatic here?

    #746434 Reply

    Omg

    Omg, you had one freaking date! What is wrong with you. Not all first dates turn into anything, especially with a guy you met online. Grow up.

    #746436 Reply

    LanaLala

    @OMG I’ve only asked what’s a reasonable time to get a second date. Nothing wrong here I think.

    #746448 Reply

    Amanda

    So you obviously like him and hope he asks you out again. Lots of times on a first date I’m not interested in being asked out again because I know I’m not interested in the guy.

    In fact, I haven’t yet had a date where I actually want to be pursued further. So I find it strange when a woman decides a man is obligated to pursue her.

    Of course he is still on OKC looking.

    If he thought you were a better catch than others he would ask you out again soon. Assume hes dating others.

    You do seem to be in a hurry to get a man. I can’t imagine what you are thinking to plan to reprimand him for texting but not asking you out. That will show him immediately that you are not a busy, confident, valuable catch.

    What are you hoping to gain by asking him why hes texting but not asking you out?

    #746462 Reply

    Lane

    He’s e-tethering you! His words are crap and if he’s not thin ACTION then your dTe was no different than others! Only when they want to lend a copious amount of TIME with you does it matter, until then it means diddly squat.

    #746464 Reply

    Lane

    Darn phone…hope you got the gist of what I was saying…all talk and no action makes him a dull bioy.

    #746465 Reply

    anon

    “@OMG I’ve only asked what’s a reasonable time to get a second date. Nothing wrong here I think.”

    In my experience, unless they have a busy life (ie, travel for work), usually the second date is planned in the first couple of texts after the first date. Anything longer and he’s just keeping you as an option. A few times I had a guy come back a week or so down the line.

    #746503 Reply

    LanaLala

    @Amanda Where did I say a man was OBLIGATED to pursue me? Why are some people here trying to make me say things I HAVEN’T said? I’m not too bothered, I just want to know what’s acceptable behaviour because… well, I don’t know.

    @Lane and Anon Thanks.

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