This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anne Ohio 2 months, 1 week ago.
May 15, 2019 at 12:40 pm #750032
I’ve been reading a lot of New Mode articles, all very helpful, but, how can I distingush if a guy is being distrspectful or just “acting like a guy”.
For example, I’ve been dating someone for 9 months now in a long distance relationship, we don’t have an official title as in girlfriend / boyfriend so is it disrespectful for him to not answer a text or dissapear for a few days if we aren’t official?May 15, 2019 at 1:03 pm #750033
In short, yes it is disrespectful. However, for you to be with someone for 9 whole months without an actual label doesn’t really give him incentive to treat you with respect like he would a girlfriend. Stop letting him off easy unless you don’t want an exclusive relationship.May 15, 2019 at 1:04 pm #750034
I think mutual respect and expectations are established between two people by communicating. I personally wouldn’t be happy if someone I’d been seeing for that long didn’t answer me, official or not. My FWB would *never* have not responded to a text, though our pattern of comms was perhaps weekly but we established that *together* by discussing what we expected of each other.May 15, 2019 at 1:25 pm #750035
You already know the answer.May 15, 2019 at 1:40 pm #750039
I say to the OP respectfully that you come across as being slightly clingy. One of the pet grievances that men have is that they feel that women by texting are trying to force themselves upon them. Men really don’t want to be joined at the hip with women and resent
having to respond on demand to their texts. In addition,men complain that women text them little worth responding to. Remember men always look for the reason for a text,phone call,and if they can’t find one they’ll start to think a woman is prattling and wasting his time. Few men are at all comfortable with the female desire to ‘check in’. Many women would be shocked to learn that they got dumped because a man thought she was an ‘airhead’ because of her meaningless(to him) texts.
So when texting a man provide an obvious reason for texting him,and no sending an ‘I am thinking about you’ text is not a good reason. Keep the sweet nothings to when you are face-to-face.
I read the men’s websites so YOU don’t have to.May 15, 2019 at 1:59 pm #750040
Official or not, it is not polite to ignore messages from someone you’ve been seeing for 9 months. I would give a little latitude if a text sent really didn’t require a response but an outright question is something different.
The real question is: What are you comfortable with? Do you have a nagging feeling his sometimes casual contact is a lack of more than just texting? Try (I know it’s hard and can get muddy) to answer as honestly as you can to yourself… are you getting what you want out of this or are you accepting less than you require just because you like him? Don’t be afraid to tell him what you are looking for but do it in person, not via text. You telling him what you are looking for is only speaking for yourself. He will either be on board or not.
Best of luck in whatever you do.May 15, 2019 at 2:03 pm #750042
Thank you everyone for your input! Great feedback
In response to Stephen, thanks for your honesty, I have learned that about men and texting through reading all these articles abd you’re right. That’s kind of where this question sprang from though. The particular text I sent was a question, so it did requite an answer in my opinion.May 15, 2019 at 2:18 pm #750052
Honestly, with no label on the relationship after 9 months, and long distance — he can honestly do whatever the heck he wants and so can you. You both taught each other how to be treated these past 9 months.
To answer your question: Based on the terms you set, no it’s not disrespectful.
In terms of manners, of course he should respond but somehow your behaviour (probably the fact you’ve no exclusivity for the past 9 months) showed him he didn’t owe you that respect.
I’m sorry. I know that sounds harsh but people treat you how you show them how to treat you. People are what they do, not what they say. Actions, actions, actions. That’s what shows you who someone is.
You’d be surprised what you get when you act like you deserve it. (Don’t get crazy folks, I just mean within our own personage.) If you feel you deserve a man who will do what he says, then do the work to attract that kind of man — i.e., do what you say you will. Is a degree important? Then get one yourself. Is a certain value system important? Then live it yourself. My point is, if it’s important to you then do the work to become it as well. Live the life you want in order to get the life you want.
I’ve no magic solution but I think that’s been the best advice I’ve given to myself: Be the kind of person I’d like to attract. And then I set out on a path to do just that. And I did … I have a nice guy, he’s just what I wanted.May 15, 2019 at 7:30 pm #750097
Why should a man you don’t have a real relationship with jump when you text him?May 16, 2019 at 8:18 am #750135
Thanks all. I apreciate your feedbackMay 16, 2019 at 9:57 am #750151
I agree with Stephen 100%!!! I’ve talked to men about this and what he say’s is so true, its a major pet peeve with them especially when they are in the middle of doing something like hanging with his friends, spending time with his family, or doing something mundane like laundry, drinking a beer and watching a football game and BAM the woman texts “how’s your day?” or “what ya doing?” and his first thought is, “Crap I can’t even watch a damn game without her interrupting me” OR It’s none of your business as I’m a grown man who’s allowed to spend his time doing what I want, when I want, anytime I want and with whomever I want without having some chick breathing down my back! This is one of the PRIMARY reasons men don’t want to continue or be with a woman—-if you start acting like a tracking device they will start the process of ditching you.
A man who’s really into or in love will WANT to tell their lady what they are doing without her ever needing to ask him, he feels compelled to let her know as its one of the ways he develops a connection with a woman and when that connection stops, he stops. That’s the distinct difference between a man who’s falling in love/in love and one who isn’t or doesn’t.May 16, 2019 at 11:02 am #750163
Thanks for the male perspective Lance, it’s appreciated. However, Assumptions are being made that I was being clingy
1. I never went into detail about the content of my text. It’s being assumed that what I texted was clingy, annoying, or nagging on some level
2.You have no idea what my texting habits are with him, you assume I’m texting non stop and demanding responses, that’s simply is not the case.
That’s exactly right, a man will show you he wants to be with you so, I guess I’ve got my answer now. Thanks to everyone!May 16, 2019 at 1:21 pm #750193
I don’t call it disrespect I call it deliberate message of lack of interest.