How do I console my close friend that just lost his mom

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  • #709585 Reply


    I know this forum is for relationships but I just really need some advice on how to go about this ..

    My very close friend just lost his mum about two weeks ago , usually when he’s going through a loss or difficult time he just shuts me out and I don’t hear from him for a month or two but this time he sent me a message to inform me he lost his mom and that he might not be taking calls or replying messages for while , I still called and messaged him but he didn’t pick up or reply ..

    He sent me a message today saying “Hey” , we talked a bit and I told him I am here for him if he ever needs to talk but I feel like that’s not enough I want to be able to do more for him , I can’t just show up at his house because I don’t really know his family and I don’t even know if he would be home also we live very far from each other.

    Is it too early to ask him to go to a movie or just go out for drinks or something ??
    it just breaks my heart that he has to go through this . I know going out or watching movies will not soothe the pain but it could distract him for a few minutes.. I know how much he loved his mom so I can only imagine how heart broken he is ..

    #709590 Reply


    Why didnt you go to the funeral? Thats the best support you can give anyone. When my mom died all my friends were there and they had to travel for hours to get there. Its the best memory i have of the funeral and since then i go to every funeral of family member of friends even if i didnt know them.

    When my bf’s dog died, i wasnt close to him. He was devastated and couldnt talk about it without tearing up. So i figured i wouldnt ask questions about how he felt but let him take the lead. After a few days he got back to being sort of normal and i told him to pick a movie which he did and that was a welcome distraction for him. So i would say, yes you can ask him if he is up to doing something. And see what he says. He might not be ready. You will find out

    #709591 Reply


    You can also Google how to console. There are a few good websites

    #709596 Reply


    Everyone handles grief differently.

    It sounds like this was sudden? If so, he’ll be in shock. I lost my mother suddenly and I can’t remember the month after her death at all, except key moments like her funeral and clearing out her belongings.

    I do remember seeing friends was a welcome distraction, but I also wanted a LOT of time alone. No one, not even his family, had exactly the same relationship with his mother that he did. That means he can only really grieve and come to terms with what happened alone. It does help to talk though and know you are loved.

    I would ask him if he’d like to meet up, but say you understand if he’s not up to it. If he doesn’t want to, I’d contact him every couple of weeks and see how he’s doing. Just a “hi, thinking of you and hope you’re OK” kind of message. It will be a comfort to know you’re there for him.

    #709598 Reply


    When I lost my parents, my friends basically abandoned me and avoided me. It actually made me feel like garbage. I had ONE ex who reached out to me every day and bless him for it. We could not actually “go out” as he had a new GF.

    I really wish some of my friends had reached out with offers to hang out. I truly felt hurt and abandoned by their distance. He may not take you up on it, but keep asking, maybe every couple days.

    #709607 Reply


    @Newbie There hasn’t been a funeral yet but I’ll definitely be there for it .

    And thanks guys ..

    #709608 Reply


    It’s been two weeks?! And no funeral yet?

    #709611 Reply


    L, that happened with my mom. We waited 3 weeks for her funeral due to some travel plans. It’s not uncommon. It actually sucked because I had to sit at work and people were like WTF, why aren’t you home.

    But they can keep the body preserved for however long.

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