Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How do I apologize?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
AngieBaby.
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taylor
This past weekend was my birthday. On Saturday night my boyfriend and I went out with his best friend. A few hours before this I found out that my boy friends best friend is having my boyfriend help him buy something that’s borderline illegal. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I know that it comes in pill form. We went to his friends house so I could try to get along with my boyfriend’s best friend. His friend looked me in the eye and said he would do it no more, and find his pills elsewhere. But not even an hour later we were at a bar and I walked away for a minute and came back and my boyfriend was showing him a text and I ask what he was doing and he lied straight to my face saying he was showing his best friend that he didn’t see the missed calls that I had made a few minutes before. Why lie? After yelling at each other for 30 minutes in the parking lit, he finally confessed that he was helping him get more pills. After a while his best friend then comes out of the bar and begins to yell at me, telling me I’m delusional and I’m living in a fairytale. I’m not. I called my boyfriend out on his bulls**t and his best friend out on his bulls**t. I said a few things to his best friend after this that I probably shouldn’t have. After a while we all calmed down, my boyfriend and I went home. But now my boyfriend wants me to apologize. Which I’m more than willing to do, but I just don’t know how. I’ve written out an apology that not only states I’m sorry but also some boundaries and concerns that I have, I’m just nervous this will make my boyfriend even more angry. What do I do?
Raven
I’m confused… What do you need to apologize for?
Also, why do you want to engage with guy’s who are dealing with illegal drugs?
Maddie
Anyone that defensive about you not being comfortable with them getting recreational drugs is not on the same values wavelength as you. Especially on your BIRTHDAY, which should be about you and not their BS. When I was younger, if guys I dated were way off from my not entirely but somewhat more straight-edge approach, I’d give them a pass and try to make it work. But with more life experience, it’s a sizable incompatibility that’s way deeper than we just have different definitions of a fun night. I’m guessing this isn’t a one time new thing if they have contacts already (and it’s your bf’s contacts at that, not his friend being the influence), plus you already have enough concerns to write about them.
Are there other issues for you in this relationship, in addition to illegal pills? Are there trust issues? Is it really the right relationship for you? Would them continuing as is be a dealbreaker for you?
As Raven said, why do you need to apologize for telling him and his best friend you weren’t comfortable, which turned into you getting shamed for expressing how you felt? Your bf wants you to apologize so he doesn’t get $hit from his best friend about you being a killjoy, so he doesn’t have to deal with it. You’re right that apologizing and including boundaries and concerns will cause more problems. But those problems are because there are deeper issues that already exist that they probably can’t have a mature conversation with you about because they want to do what they want to do and there’s no way you won’t clash with them about it unless you give in. But that’s also a conversation for you to have with your boyfriend, not with his best friend.
AngieBaby
Taylor, how old are you?? I’m guessing you’re in your 20s. Because if you were older you wouldn’t tolerate this BS for a nanosecond.
These two guys are gaslighting you. This is serious, serious business, because they’re involved in illegal activity. Do you realize that because you know what they’re doing, you could potentially be charged as an accessory if they get busted??
You need to break up with this knucklehead, like yesterday.
I’ve been in your shoes in my 20s, and when I tried to assert some boundaries to protect myself, my BF got angry. He was also buying pills illegally, and smoking weed when it was still illegal. He invited me to a concert with him and his drug buddies and I told him I didn’t want to ride in the car with them because if there were a traffic stop and they had weed and pills, I’d be going down with them even though I didn’t touch the stuff. I told him I’d just meet them at the concert. He had a fit and mocked me, called me names, etc. Wait – you’re the one doing the illegal stuff and I’m a goody two shoes for not wanting to be exposed?? Yeah, um, bye. Good riddance. I never looked back.
You owe neither of them an apology for anything, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong and they’re both jerks for turning it around on you. They know damn well what they’re doing is illegal. Get away before you get caught up in this. Your BF isn’t good enough for you. And he may be addicted to these pills, do you understand that?? You don’t need that in your life.
From now on, you find out someone is doing something illegal, you immediately and permanently WALK AWAY. Don’t risk your future over other people’s stupid choices. You need to get stronger boundaries and higher standards and stick to them!
You tell him you’ve thought this over and you two are just not compatible and you wish him the best, you’re moving on. And then you block him. And you tell your parents, friends, family, whoever, so you can get support in sticking to your guns.
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