How Come I can't Find a Successful Relationship?


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  • This topic has 1 reply and was last updated 4 years ago by kaye.
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  • #786521 Reply
    Elizabeth Jones

    I’m not sure why I havent been able to find a successful relationship. Overall, I’m fairly attractive. Being 19, I work at a gym with lots of college guys, who are almost always making comments on my ass, or asking to hook up.

    However, I’ve never had luck finding a long term relationship. Not even anything longer than three or four months. Usually its a mixture of being broken up with and breaking up, and doesn’t lean either way. Because of this, I’m not sure if I’m hard to deal with or not. I’ve been told by multiple guys that I’m “nonjudgmental” and give the best hugs, but that’s been the only constant so far. I won’t spam the other person with texts (texting for 20 minutes a day and hanging out a few times a week is reasonable, right?) and I’m a really good listener. If they ever need someone to rant with, or someone to hold them while they cry, or someone to talk about last night’s basketball game with, Im pretty good at that.

    However, Im worried that my responsibility is getting in the way of a relationship. I’m perfectly fun to be around, but I’ve never gotten high before/ done drugs, and only ever drink a cup or two, not to get drunk. I love cleaning too. Anyway, those are just my thoughts on myself, but what do you think would make me unattractive as a partner?

    #786539 Reply
    kaye

    I’m afraid it’s probably the age you are which makes having a long term relationship difficult. As you note, most guys your age or in college are making comments on your butt and just wanting to hook up. They’re not looking for a long term relationship at their age, they’re looking to have a good time, party and play the field. And I would say 3-4 months is about the time period where a girl starts wanting things to get serious and be locked down in a committed relationship and they bail. That’s not to say you can’t find a good guy who is wanting a relationship, but it’s just going to be harder at your age. I’m not sure why you’re being told you’re “nonjudgmental” by multiple guys. I’m not even sure if that’s a good thing. To me it means you could possibly have a lack of boundaries where if a guy does drugs, drinks too much or is seeing multiple women and you at the say time you aren’t judging him for it?  But the good news is it doesn’t sound like you’re hearing you are needy, insecure, jealous, controlling, or any of a variety of things which might lead to you needing to work on yourself.

    I think you can find a guy who doesn’t do drugs or drink heavily and he will be a better fit for you than a party guy who is bingeing every weekend! Nothing you have said makes me think you wouldn’t make a good partner, I think you just need to be focusing on a different type of guy. Both of my sons are smart, study hard, don’t do drugs, may have a drink or 2 but don’t get drunk and they both had serious girlfriends or are married now. The right guy is out there, you just probably need to find a different place to look! Maybe hang out at the college library or computer lab instead of picking up guys at the gym or in bars or college parties. 

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