How can I stop flip flopping?


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  • #822115 Reply

    Cheddar

    Hi all. I would really appreciate some advice here since I think I’m making this more complicated than it should be. In January, the 5-year relationship I was on ended. I attempted to use my time to heal and reconnect with myself and had no interest in another relationship. But along comes this friend with a strong interest in me. He was also going through a breakup from his fiancee of 7 years. He said that he had known for a long time he needed to get out of that relationship but he was afraid, and that the happiness he found getting to know me and connecting with me showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of and was the catalyst he needed to end the relationship. He said that he didn’t end it because of me, that I was simply the realization he needed. It’s been several months now and we had a falling out for a period of time where we didn’t talk because I felt he was going too fast and too serious for my comfort. But we reconnected. He said that from the first “breakup” with me he knew we weren’t done with each other. I’m now finding myself in a similar situation as before where I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready for what he wants. When I’m with him, I’m so happy and at peace. We get along so well, have many shared interests, and are just comfortable with each other. When he’s not around, though, it’s like I switch gears and it’s all about focusing on myself again. I’ve told him that I wasn’t looking for a relationship before he showed up and that although I enjoy and cherish his company I feel like I owe myself the time to be with myself and just be free. I’ll be honest that part of that is so I can have sex with other people and explore. It so happens that sex with him isn’t my idea of great sex, it’s okay but not the kind that leaves me craving for more, and I still haven’t had an orgasm with him. He is not as large as my body needs to be fully stimulated, but I obviously can’t tell him this. I have told him that I don’t think we’re sexually compatible and that I still haven’t had an orgasm. At the moment I asked for some time to figure things out for myself because I don’t think it’s fair for either of us that I’m still on the fence. He clearly cares and has love for me, as do I, but he doesn’t seem to have any doubts about what he wants. After thinking about it, I think it comes down to fear for me. I’m afraid that if I decide to go all in it may not work out because of the sex thing and other things we don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye on. I am a very sexual person and find myself very frustrated that this wonderful person that has this amazing personality cannot fulfill a very important part of me. I’m afraid that if I break things off for good I will lose the love of an amazing man and a great opportunity at being happy. I am aware that the only thing keeping me from finding out is that fear and reluctance to act, but I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time with it. It’s like I know and recognize the potential between us, but something is holding me back. It could be the sex thing, it could be the other things, I’m not really sure. It would just be nice to know if anyone can relate. Thank you for reading.

    #822126 Reply

    Newbie

    In the end a guy can be all sweet and everything, if youre not feeling it or are not ready to settle down then then the answer is easy. You have to let him go.
    Being compatible sexually is important although i do wonder if you tried to guide him. Its like you got stuck on equipment size and from there on you decided it wouldnt work. And by that i mean its perfectly fine to break off something because of lack of chemistry but if youre so sure the guy is great in all other departments, i would educate a bit. As i remember from my 20-ies and 30-ies most men i had sex with were terrible (as was i).

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