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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Gracelyn 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #783129 Reply

    Better off single

    Would you hook up with a guy a friend of yours already hooked up with and didn’t care if you did because it wasn’t serious?

    To me it’s kinda gross but I look at him and…damn.😍 I want him to be my next mistake.

    I also thought about hooking up with her ex. He started texting me, I wasn’t too comfortable with it because well, they had so many years together and are still living together. He’s handsome, a gentleman, a chef, kind of a cry baby at the moment so that’s a turn off but I totally understand why, there’s definately a sexual attraction there. He was going through a hard time while also going through AA I wanted to help and be supportive. He’s trying to better himself and that to me, is a turn on. He started talking about sex (just in general) and then offered to come over and hang out. I came up with a bunch of excuses though I really wanted to say yes. It seems like it would be crossing the line. My friendship with her is more important, so, I kind of blew him off.

    Do you think that makes a difference?

    I’m not looking to date anyone really I’m focused on me and my kids but I got needs and taking care of myself isn’t relieving the stress anymore. These opportunities keep falling in my lap. Once I’m over one guy, then someone else shows up. It’s weird.

    Her hookup guy though, I’m probably not even his type. I’m just curious if you were in that situation and the guy was up for meeting you and had the ok from a friend, would you go for it?

    #783130 Reply

    Gracelyn

    “Her hookup guy though, I’m probably not even his type. I’m just curious if you were in that situation and the guy was up for meeting you and had the ok from a friend, would you go for it?”

    No. I have no interest in “hooking-up” with my friend’s past lovers or exes.

    Have you tried online dating websites?

    I think they have options for “casual dating”.

    #783154 Reply

    Better off single

    Yeah I tried it, the whole online dating thing gets overwhelming.

    Like I said I’m probably not the guy’s type at all and if the opportunity came up, I wouldn’t even know wtf to do. I have no flirting abilities or “game” so the likelihood of it REALLY happening…there really isn’t one because men intimidate me.

    A guy has a better chance when he approaches me otherwise I overthink it and if he really likes me, I wouldn’t believe he does and overthink it then sabotage it.

    Thank you for answering my question.

    #783157 Reply

    LaFrance Thibodeaux

    Better off single,Out of all of these men in the world why would you want your friends sloppy 2nds though?..IM0 Its trifling & seems like acts of jealousy..If it’s that serious behind these men,some 🍆,or whatever it is just keep it real with your friend!..Ask her if she’d have a problem with you sleeping with guys she’s slept with & dated instead of trying to be sneaky..My stepmother once told me ‘When it comes to a man you have no friends’..That being said your friend needs to really be selective of her so called friend..

    #783158 Reply

    Gracelyn

    You’re welcome Better off Single.

    Online dating websites aren’t for everyone and yes they can be overwhelming.

    #783180 Reply

    Better off single

    Sloppy seconds really isn’t my thing lol. I’d never think to cross that line. It happened to me once and even though him and i were completely done, it still stung a little.

    My friend offered to introduce me with the one or two night stand she had. It kind of grossed me out and then she showed me the pic of him and “whoa, I have never seen a guy that looked so fking sexy” she said she’ll introduce me as she was in the middle of chatting up a different guy.

    I took it as a joke at the same time i know it sounds desperate (it wasn’t) I was sort of hoping she would. She’s all talk when it comes to stuff like that. I’ll admit it, there is a bit of jealousy on my part. I don’t let it get in the way of our friendship though and I’ve always admired her. She can hook up with guys so easily and drop them just a quick, she’s super funny, never takes life too seriously, had a great childhood and loving mother, a good heart, has a good head on her shoulders financially and emotionally.

    Her ex was trying to be sneaky and I put a stop to it. I feel bad because he is so heartbroken over the relationship ending and I’m his friend too. I was just trying to be supportive. I’m proud of him for quitting drinking and going to AA and making his life better for himself.

    Every time I get on an online dating site, I start talking to guys one day, the next day, or shortly after, I can’t log in. When I try to reset my password, I never get the confirmation email. This has happened more than once. Plus, I despise taking selfies and talking/texting on the phone. I couldn’t even make a good sale at the Electronics counter when i was working at Walmart let alone sell myself. I need to be in front of the guy to decide if I want to date him or not and if he is also talking to other women…ugh. I know I don’t stand a chance.

    What I really want is a meaningful relationship. I’m not the kind of girl who enjoys flings and one night stands like my friend does. I tried to get into that mindset, it’s just not me.

    I’m not exactly ready for a relationship because of this cruddy situation I’m in and everything these days is about value. I’m the equivalent to trash because I have nothing to offer but myself and 2 children, so that makes me undesireable.

    I’m really bummed it didn’t work out with the last guy. I’m over it now but it was the closest I had ever felt to feeling at home with someone.

    @Ann Anderson
    I move forward. I won’t turn back.

    #783188 Reply

    LaFrance Thibodeaux

    Better off single,I’ve saw some of the things you’ve said about other people situations under their post.I have to say that I dont agree with how you come across but I hate to hear you call yourself trash love..The reason no one takes you serious is because they’re playing off of your insecurities..No one wants someone with self esteem issues..If your post is real & not for fun I say work on yourself & revolve your life around your kids before involving anyone else..

    #783213 Reply

    Better off single

    Most of my posts are just questions that are ruminating and I’m playing around with in my head and my emotional reactions to it. Some are real and some are fabricated. I ask because I’m curious about other’s reactions or experience and all I get back is…better off single needs therapy.

    If you could spend a day in my head, you probably wouldn’t come out the same.

    I’ve been working on myself for years now and honestly, it’s been a waste of time. My self esteem isn’t that low and the ONLY thing I am super insecure about is my body and yeah it does effect my confidence a little. When someone is criticizing the way I look, I will get more self conscious around them.

    When it comes to dating, if the guy is funny and carefree, not overly flirty, and it’s obvious he is really into me, I am able to come out of my shell.

    I need someone who helps me stay out of my head! It’s like a prison in there.

    There was one guy who stayed at a hotel I worked at and the conversation was just awesome because we kept each other laughing. He was kind of a d×ick with some of his stabs at me, but he was funny about it so it was bearable. He was there for a wedding I think. Cool guy. I would have loved to had a few drinks with him. He mentioned he had a girlfriend and introduced me to a friend of his, it didn’t go anywhere.

    Then a month or so later, there was another guy. I ended up having a fling with him and honestly, he was the best guy I ever dated after my long term relationship so far. Great kisser. I feel kind of bad I blocked him, but I felt it was necessary though. I decided flings are not for me. He was just out of a relationship and lived in another state. I wouldn’t do an LDR again even if he wanted to see where it went.

    The trash thing is kind of a joke I guess I still feel burned by it. There was a guy online I was talking to and it seems value is based on looks and style, how much money you make, what you own, talent, personality, what your job is, social status, and circle of friends. That’s what is supposed to make me relationship material. He stalked me. Then, he went looking at my circle of friends and compared me to them all. It really bruised my ego. He pretty much called me trash and based on how he sees me, and who he is, he wasn’t lying. Then, he went on to show me in so many ways how my friends and even my cousins were so much better and he would rather date them. Basically saying he doesn’t accept me for me and I need to change. I change for nobody except what I feel I personally need to change. I tried for him. Nothing i ever did was good enough. So i stopped caring to change and just wanted him to leave me alone. It took him a long time to get it.

    It really did some damage. Put a huge crack in my spirit and I felt really low about myself for over a year. Maybe longer. I just couldn’t understand why he had to keep it up and wouldn’t leave me alone. The guy gave me PTSD. If I was so uninteresting, I don’t understand why he would have even bothered with me. Truth is he didn’t. We never met. I got fed up with his s×it and missed the opportunity. Even after that missed opportunity, He kept at it so I took it as a personal attack and came off crazy because he drove me crazy and I wanted to scare him away. It hurt me a lot. He matched my crazy. It didn’t scare him because he knew he had all the power. His crazy scared me and it blew up from there.

    Most of my posts are real and based on past experiences. It’s not who I am. I match energy to hide my own.

    I am sorry for being too rigged or blunt sometimes, I’m working on it.

    #783214 Reply

    Better off single

    Also sorry fir not making a while lot of sense. Too much going on in my head its hard to process and get it all out in an organized fashion.

    #783219 Reply

    Gracelyn

    “I ask because I’m curious about other’s reactions or experience and all I get back is…better off single needs therapy.”

    Sharing is caring so I’ll share mine.

    When too many thoughts run through my head I need space to work through them.

    #783220 Reply

    Better off single

    That’s awesome. thanks for sharing!

    I need a lot of space in general. I need solitude every now and then. If people invade my space I get irritated and have a hard time focusing or functioning and wind up resenting the person.

    The only time I feel truly by myself is when I am asleep. I sleep a lot.

    It’s like stage fright and being unable to perform when I don’t have my privacy. I really don’t care for being the center of anyone’s attention. Which is probably why I have a hard time dating. I need my mind to rest. I haven’t had it in a few years because I have no solitude. There is always someone in my business.

    So, I turned to typing it out as fast as I can get all the bottled up dead energy out. It helps and when I’m stuck or need a slap back into reality, I go for other people’s perspective/opinion.

    #783224 Reply

    Gracelyn

    I hear you.

    I get lost in my thoughts too. It’s exhausting.

    #783225 Reply

    LaFrance Thibodeaux

    Better off single,If someone doesn’t accept you flaws & all then they aren’t for you..If your body makes Y0U insecure then work on that but 0NLY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!..Nobodys perfect remember that!..Dont ever let anyone make you feel less than a queen,be unapologetic for being unique,being yourself,& never ever ever let a man be the reason you feel low NEVER!..Self love is all you need!..You dont need anyone’s validation or approval,you dont need anyone to tell you that you’re attractive..You should know these things!..When you feel down dress up,put on lipstick,look good for your damself!..You are a mother & a woman before anything that’s what matters.Most men nowadays are lazy,bisexual,or want to live off of women anyways so to hell with them..If you know yourself,then you know your worth,& what you have to offer therefore you have nothing to prove..The next man that shows genuine interest in you make him show you that’s he’s worthy of your affection,make him work for you,dont give him anything first.Not even a second date or conversation if he doesn’t meet your criteria..

    #783243 Reply

    Better off single

    Thanks for the pep talk. And you’re right.

    I decided to get on fb dating.

    I matched with the guy my friend had a ONS with. I brought her up which was probably stupid. He’s kind of damaged goods, right since he slept with my friend? I shouldn’t have brought it up. He is still attractive but less attractive since my friend got to him first.

    I don’t think it would start drama between me and her, though she did say he was a cool guy. I’m not sure I am really interested in sleeping with him anymore. Now that I know that’s all he’s after with this whole fb dating thing.

    #783246 Reply

    Better off single

    I made a good choice I think.

    I wouldn’t accept a guy I was into hitting on one of my friends and I’m not into going behind a friend’s back. No matter how sexy he is!

    Dammit.

    #783251 Reply

    Gracelyn

    “I’m not looking to date anyone really I’m focused on me and my kids but I got needs and taking care of myself isn’t relieving the stress anymore.”

    That doesn’t coincide with this:

    “Now that I know that’s all he’s after with this whole fb dating thing.”

    I realize you’re jotting out your thoughts but I just wanted to point that out.

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