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  • #742971 Reply

    Mazy

    I don’t know what to think. I started dating this guy that I’ve known forever and he tells me he has been with prostitutes. Mainly because he says he was lonely. So, I found him on this forum where they rate and review the escorts and he’s been with a bunch. Like 10 last year. On one hand, I’m absolutely disgusted. On the other, we weren’t together or anything at the time. But this just doesn’t sit well for many reasons. What would you think/do?

    #742972 Reply

    Crisula

    Hi Mazy,

    How come he told you that he had been with prostitutes? Did you ask him?
    Did you find his comments on this forum before he told you or after?

    #742973 Reply

    Mazy

    He just came out and told me

    #742974 Reply

    Mazy

    Sorry and I found the comments after. I went snooping when I found that out

    #742976 Reply

    Nathalie

    Personally..I rather a man tells me he’s had multiple one night stands with regular girls than prostitutes as this would be a major turn off. Plus how desperate or lonely was he to pay for sex? Was he being safe with them? Also there’s always a chance he may keep doing it in future…

    Nonetheless, no judgements as escorts are human beings struggling too, it’s the lowest form of profession in my opinion as I rather clean toilets, but they are not condemned as long they have safe sex and 100% clean health!! On the bright side, he told you about it.. meaning he is being upfront and honest, leaving the ball in your court. So if it doesn’t sit well with you then do not go for it. It’s about YOU and what your standards are and what you can be okay with or not and if YOU’LL be comfortable dating or being in a relationship with him knowing his past.

    #742984 Reply

    Mazy

    Nathalie, he has a hard time with women. I’ve known him for like no joke, 30 years. But yeah, he was desperate I guess. He says he always wore condoms. I appreciate your feedback, my mind is just spinning.

    #742986 Reply

    Crisula

    Patronizing prostitutes is very common ~ from royalty to the scum of the earth. However, if it comes into your life, it can throw you for a loop.
    If you’re able, I think you should let his past go and focus on how you feel with him today and try not to hold his past against him

    IMO, I believe him when he said he was lonely. I feel it wasn’t necessary to tell you that, and I don’t think he knows too much about women and their feelings. But I have a feeling that he felt the need to come clean, because he is committed and respects you.

    If you decide to stay with him, I suggest you don’t snoop anymore. Just enjoy him for who he is today..a guy who thinks the world of you.

    If you can’t help but snoop, or unable to accept his past, I think you should leave now. You will only build up resentment, and probably lash out ~ which would ultimately hurt the both of you

    #742987 Reply

    Mazy

    Crisula,

    Thank you, I appreciate your input more than you know.

    #742988 Reply

    interesting dilemma

    I dunno… the fact that he went on a forum and RATED these women? That adds another element. How does he treat women in general? Do you think he’s respectful of women in general and towards you?

    I would not be okay with this mainly because [to me] it shows a complete lack of respect towards women. Not only the fact that he hired these women as means to satisfy himself but the fact that he rated/reviewed them too. Like they are objects there for his needs. I would always wonder if he looked at me like that as well.

    #742990 Reply

    Crisula

    You’re welcome Mazy

    Best of luck to both of you

    #742999 Reply

    Mazy

    interesting dilemma,

    That’s why I mentioned the rating thing, that bothers me. Like they are an all you can eat buffet on a yelp rating. The reason he told me that in the first place was because he said I idealized him (which I did, I always have) and I guess he wanted to be more down to earth or something. But he legit started crying when he told me that and I asked if he did it because he was lonely. I honestly believe that’s what it was. Still though

    #743002 Reply

    Emma

    How easy do you think it is to give up a bad habit? Know anybody smoking?

    If a man has a habit of going to prostitutes, and 10 in a year is quite a bit, because this is also expensive, but he was doing it anyway, then it would be quite odd to assume that he would just give this habit up as if there is nothing to it.

    Every man these days has options to have sex for free. Some have more some have less. But every guy has those options, and yet…some go for prostitutes.

    But the of course a woman would first dive head on into denial. And believe all the “lonely” business.

    If you had a good sense of judgment, you’d pass on this one. But knowing that you are going into denial and won’t discontinue with this guy, my advice would be to limit any kind of bodily fluid exchange with this guy. Kissing included. Oral sex on you.. I would not let him come close in your shoes.

    Using a condom only protects you from some very obvious infections. There are dozens of others that are not as obvious and for which condoms do nothing.

    #743003 Reply

    Honeypie

    He went on a forum to rate these ladies? What sort of forum does this? Is it a forum where the ladies have asked the men to rate them to get more business? Or a blokes forum for their own titilation Sorry I just don’t get what type of forum this might be.

    #743004 Reply

    Really

    This makes no sense. He used his real name on a forum for all the world to google and see? Something sounds reallyoff here.

    I’m in a different camp. Men use prostitutes because they don’t want the complexity of having casual sex and then a women gets all clingy. It happens here all the time. He wasn’t up to actually dating and wanted a controlled experience of sex and companionship. It doesn’t make him a pervert he could go in knowing what to expect with completelyno strings attached.

    Most women on dating apps are seeking out relationships. Maybe he wasn’t in the head space for that.

    #743005 Reply

    Babs

    Consider this – you would have never found out if he hadn’t told you. I agree with Crisula, he’s trying to be honest and open with you and that’s a good sign. He doesn’t want to have secrets from you.

    If you found the rating site that easily and were able to pinpoint his comments, you must realize that this is how it works in the world of escorts so he’s not done anything unusual. And I”m sure you noticed how many men are there.

    Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Let’s not be naive about that. Lots of men go to escorts and lots of women do that work. It isn’t about respecting women, it’s about having sex with no strings.

    I watched a documentary once about men who go to escorts and one escort said, they don’t pay me to show up, they pay me to go away, without any strings attached. Read this site and you can see how messy FWB or one nighters can be. Hiring an escort is a clean, honest business deal. I don’t have any judgment about those who voluntarily participate. I’d rather hear my BF went to professionals instead of picking up a bunch of random women in bars.

    As long as he isn’t doing it while he’s with you, let it go.

    #743006 Reply

    Babs

    Yes @Honeypie there are sites advertising escorts with areas where men can rate them and comment on their experiences.

    #743008 Reply

    Babs

    Actually @Emma, escorts are much more conscious about safe sex than the average woman on a dating app.

    #743011 Reply

    Mazy

    Babs,

    Thank you for your input. I’m sure I’ve been with other men that have, I just never knew about it. I don’t know which is better. Just being blissfully unaware or knowing. I just have to be honest with myself that this is something I’ll be ok with or something I’ll forever be throwing in his face at every fight. I don’t know.

    #743016 Reply

    Better off single

    Men have needs too. Women have emotional. Men have sexual ones.

    He confided in you out of trust and now you’re judging him for it.

    There’s a problem with it if he was doing it behind your back while you were in a committed relationship.

    Throwing it in his face when you fight…really? That’s pretty low. Why would he want to even stick around if you did that?

    #743019 Reply

    Lane

    I believe it depends on the type of prostitutes he’s having sex with—one with no teeth or Julia Roberts haha.

    I would have him tested. I’m torn on this because its really not much different than meeting someone on a dating site, like tinder, buying them some drinks or dinner before they ‘do the deed’ if that’s his primary goal for taking someone on a date.

    You’ve seen these ladies. What’s your view of them and/or their reviews?

    #743021 Reply

    Babs

    Good point Lane. Testing before you have sex is a good idea. Have a heart to heart with him about it. If you aren’t snarky or punitive about it, he should understand and be glad to do it. You should also get tested at the same time.

    #743023 Reply

    Babs

    Well, if you can’t get past it, then you can’t get past it. I can see why someone wouldn’t be able to.

    It’s your choice.

    #743024 Reply

    Mazy

    Lane,

    Well, they are not the toothless sort of crack head ones. Not really the high end Julia Roberts type either. Somewhere in between I’d say. More like the normal, maybe single mother or struggling student type I’d say. I see your point about the dating apps.

    #743032 Reply

    LaughingAllTheWay

    Oh dear, it’s more small-minded, judgmental craziness and bad advice from Emma. I”m saying this with a totally straight face – Emma, by your own logic then you have developed a habit of sleeping with a number of men that you’re not going to be able to break and your husband should divorce you. Since you’ve been trading germs with so many men and all.

    Pot calling the kettle black, much? LOL LOL LOL

    Just because a guy can afford to pay for escorts once a month or so for a year isn’t even close to making him addicted and doesn’t mean he can’t stop it when he enters a relationship with one woman.

    Emma dear, if you have a day job, you should stick to that. And I hope you’re better at it than giving relationship advice.

    #743033 Reply

    Lurker

    This is a really interesting one.

    My best friend is ‘dating’ and slept with 10 men last year. Is she disgusting? I’m a bit worried about the structural integrity of her bedposts, the way she’s racking up the notches, and more importantly her self-esteem; but I’m never going to call her disgusting.

    Is it the fact there is money involved makes it abhorrent to you?

    He’s been honest. That’s good. The rest is all about where you set your moral compass. Good luck.

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