Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He's unpredictable
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by
Emily.
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stella
Okay so this guy I have been talking to a few weeks now. He’s over 170000 miles away from me.. yeah I know it’s all unrealistic but trust me hes a nice guy. We hit of great. Probably we both were dealing with some things in our life and wanted a getway out to share things with a complete stranger and we got that with each other. The thing is he’s soo unpredictable. One day he’ll be pouring himself onto me.. sharing his feelings.. being happy. Me too. But the very next day he would be aloof. Taking ages to respond back. I know he’s reading what I’m sending but then he pulls back. We are clear that we can’t date, have feelings, etc. but it kinda upsets me. How can one be soo connected at one moment and leave the very next?
Is it normal for guys to act this way?
What should I do?Raven
170,000 miles away?!
He’s interplanetary & probably suffering from oxygen deprivation.Ss
He is basically just a pen pal with no romantic prospects so why are you invested so much that you care about when he messages and how responsive he is? He is a stranger you chat to. Not sure what your end goal is here but it all seems rather pointless!
T from NY
There’s a very good reason he is hot and cold – he is using you to get his needs met and does not care about yours. Truly he doesn’t! Or he wouldn’t act that way. Real/healthy relationships, of whatever sort – friendships, pen pals, romantic interests – are only reciprocal if each person is investing and cares about meeting the needs of the other.
Women also have to understand that just because a guy pours his heart out to you at times, or gives you crazy amounts of attention at times – it’s what he’s doing ALL the OTHER times that shows how he really feels about YOU. Is he receptive to you, does he show he cares by asking follow up questions, remembering details about your life, is he consistently present (not disappearing, going MIA), does he show consistent interest emotionally (not hot one day, cool another). These things show real interest and investment.
He’s far away so some of this is not really relevant. But it actually all is. As women we have to re-train our brains (and hearts) to only give our energy and to only allow ourselves to develop crushes on the men consistently INVESTING in us – not the ones we like the most, are the most intrigued by or the ones that smother us with attention, then peace out whenever they want to.
Newbie
Im going with raven here. Hot and cold due to gravity issues, maybe temporary loss of oxycen now and then or getting hit by space junk. Its been featured in the show away.
Emily
He lives too far away for this to possibly work out. Put your effort into meeting a local man, not worrying about this guy. Long distance doesn’t work. And yes, there are exceptions, but they don’t disprove the rule and you are unlikely to be one of them. I don’t like those odds, but it’s ultimately up to you.
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