This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by 8 months, 2 weeks ago.
January 16, 2020 at 12:24 am #783026
An old friend I went to high school with recently slid up into my instagram messages and started up conversation. Things progressed fast and we just clicked really well. I’m still in school while he’s at work, he texts me whenever he can throughout the day and I do the same. Texted me first thing in the morning as well. Fast forward three weeks, he’s taken the opportunity to FaceTime me when he can and has mentioned multiple times that we will “definitely” be dating. He brings this up especially when I talk about doing things in the future. But suddenly he’s been very busy, he fell off for a few days and a few days ago I got hurt because he wasn’t able to facetime me that night (for the third day in a row) and I called him out on it. He suddenly got extremely defensive and uninterested, giving me one worded answers and very obviously not caring. I told him if he can’t realize my worth and treat me right and try to keep me in his life then he doesn’t deserve me. I asked him if all of the cute things he’d said before were true or not, he said “sh*t happens” and after many other frustrated statements by me and a halfhearted “sorry” and “I tried to tell you I’m a dick” I gave up. He didn’t answer or read my texts after that. It’s been a while since we’ve talked and he will not read or answer any of my messages, but he’ll watch every instagram story.I’ve tried to contact him, and I even sent him a picture that said “if you’re going to childishly ignore the person you were “definitely gonna date” then stop watching her instagram stories too” and he OPENED THE PICTURE and stopped watching them. I’m not sure what to do, I want him back but I’m afraid I’ve overdone it and ruined it with him. What do you guys think?January 16, 2020 at 2:21 am #783027
Hi 0dessa,I think you dodged the bullet..If someone or something is for you,you wont have to chase or wonder..You know you’re worth..You said yourself that you dont deserve that type of treatment..At the end of the day,you cant miss what you never really had..January 16, 2020 at 2:22 am #783028
0h!& I think he’s an inconsiderate ass!..January 16, 2020 at 2:31 am #783030
There are many guys who like to chat and build up cosy pictures and promise stuff but all in the virtual world. get back down to real world and think over how many times has he made plans to meet you. how many times have you hung out? how many meetings have you had? I bet not many. he was just stringing you along and the minute you put your foot down he ran off.
you guys really speaking had nothing on ground reality. it was all in the virtual world. at times things get blurred between whats real and what just virtual. its very common today. don’t bother with him and let him go. till he follows up his online promises with actions in real world, its all a sham. it was never real with him. think about it and move on . there really was nothing with this guy.January 16, 2020 at 9:37 am #783042
Did you ever actually see each other in person, or was this all over text & FaceTime? Did he just say that you were “definitely gonna date”, or did he actually take you out?
Unless a guy is asking to see you in person and take you out on dates, you can’t take him seriously.
From what I understand, you texted this guy for a few weeks and he talked a lot of sh*t. The other posters are right, you didn’t lose a thing, because this was never real. It was all talk.January 16, 2020 at 11:48 am #783047
He didn’t mean anything he said. He wanted attention, he wanted you to become emotionally invested for an ego boost and now that you are attached, his work is done. He is moving on to the next woman to do the same thing.
Lesson learned. Men like this are insecure and feel like they need a woman hooked to them to feel better about themselves. Narcissists. Block and move on.January 16, 2020 at 11:50 am #783048
And also, he may be putting you on the backburner and saving you for later when he’s bored and out of options. That’s usually the case with these people. That’s why you need to block and deny him access, or else, he’s just going to treat you like a revolving door.January 16, 2020 at 1:45 pm #783052
NO NO NO NO NO
You need some tough love.
A. YOU ARE WAY WAY OVERINVESTED IN THIS MAN.
B. Did you even meet in person, it sounds like you did not
C. Based on what you describe, I question if you should be dating. Over invested based on words, check. Overinvested in a man who is not your boyfriend, check. Upset at his level of interaction instead of just letting him lead, check. initiating contact instead of letting him do it, check. Bitching out a man who is not your boyfriend, check. Telling a man about your worth instead of just demonstrating it, check. Then bitched him out again on instagram, check.
THIS MAN WAS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. And if you cannot date without letting a man lead, and his words and actions matching without getting invested, you should not be dating. When you are dating, you should not care until you are official. You should not be initiating, and you should not be bitching him out over anything – you show your interest or disinterest with your feet.
How this should have gone done. He contacts you, you respond. He asks you out, you say yes. Or He contacts you, you respond, he does not ask you out, you move on.
Men say all sorts of stuff when they are talking – they mean it in the moment. Then you pay attention to their actions. As soon as his actions told you he was not interested, you should have backed away completely.
I think you looked insane to this man. You scolded a man you were not even in a relationship with, and then you scolded him again instead of ignoring him or blocking him. And you sent him texts after he ignored you? YIKES.
You have the issue, not him. He was just exploring with you, and you went bunny boiler on him.
When you really believe in your value, you do not over-invest, you wait to see if he leads, and if he does not, you walk away leaving him in the dust with no contact.
I do not think he did anything wrong.