He wants space….but I can't let him go ….help

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  • #445878 Reply


    I am so heartbroken there is no words to explain. (Sorry for the long post, I just really need some advise)

    I had a guy friend for a year. We were great friends he was always there to listen and advise me on relationships. On my birthday this April he ask me to be his girlfriend because starting this year we noticed how much we had in common and there was some feelings for each other. Although he was 17 yrs older than me and he had a son he was a great boyfriend. A man that would cater to his girl and a man that would open doors for you.

    Everything was going so well I gave him my all and treated him like a king! He treated me very good. Although, yes like any other couple we had arguments.

    Two weeks ago we had an argument because I believed I was putting much more to the relationship, and I wish he would take me out more like I would. He got disappointed and hurt that I would bring money up like that. After that, a day later I apologize because I felt bad for bringing that up and ignoring him that night because I didn’t want him to think that is what I want from him, I loved him unconditionally no matter if he did have money or didn’t for a simple dinner. He said he forgave me and that we would work harder to make our relationship stronger. He had to leave town for the weekend and I notcied he was distant, I asked him it didn’t seem he cared and why he wasn’t texting me much. And I would get about three text a day while he was gone. Last week he told me he needed space because he couldn’t forget what I had told him. I told him lets talk about it, we saw each other and talked about it and he said your right im sorry I have been stressed out we will work through this. Our communication was strong I believed. This past week he text me saying he was still struggling to get over what I said and that he needed time. He needed time to focus on his career and what he was dealing with his son. It broke my heart because I called him so much and he didn’t answer me he just continued to text me telling me how he was sorry but that it was better if we were just friends and that we would continue seeing each other and talking but he needed space to finish his career because he told me other ex’s didn’t let him achieve that goal and he wouldn’t want to fail this time again.

    I believed that he loved me like he always told me. We would talk about marriage and kids and how happy we were both with each other.
    At this point im still trying to figure out how this happen because I was always there to support him in his career and was willing to change anything he wanted. He said he didn’t want to deal with my emotional ups and downs.

    Any advise. Should I let him go for not sticking with me through good and bad? Or should I wait and be patient for him ?

    #445892 Reply


    His behaviour seems unwarranted. You did talk about it and apologized. There is something else going on. When a man suggests to be friends, he thought about it before saying it. So there is nothing else you can do but pull away and wait. If the relationships are genuine, it will get sorted out, he will come back and explain himself. Don’t demand anything or reproach him during this time. Let him go through whatever it is he is going through. If he is not telling you everything, you won’t make him tell you the truth by asking. So just pull back, do not initiate contact, reply to him if he contacts you, but not with personal things, simply very nice and very friendly, and WAIT. Time will tell.

    #445898 Reply


    the same thing happened to me nearly a week ago I was with my partner for 2 years he told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him that he loved me made plans then we had a silly little row then he txts me saying he needs to be single he needs to see other people then he tells me hes got to much going on with collage work his heart is telling him he is going to miss me and he loves me but hes mind is saying he needs to be by his self and I need to let go I don’t understand..he has broke me I did everything for him treated his as my king I just going to miss him I thought he did love me.

    #445905 Reply


    I’m not so sure what happened here. You were not happy about some aspects of the relationship so you told him what you would like more. I don’t really see anything wrong with that, unless you really made it a money issue.. He got all defensive and pouty about it. And cant get over it? I mean, come on. Maybe you said it a bit rude, i don’t know, but his behaviour is weird.

    The big red flag for me is that he told you he couldn’t accomplish a goal because of a girlfriend. That’s a sign to me that he is not a grown up man, but a guy who doesn’t own his own actions.

    #446031 Reply


    He said he still loves me and that it will be hard to see me as his friend but he said he wants to be there for me because all he wants is time to finish his career that’s all. He still texts me everyday maybe once a day to check up on me. He told me he doesn’t want to be broken up forever it’s just he doesn’t want us to get into an argument and affect his school since he is almost done. He is an amazing man to me that’s why I feel like I should just give him the space he needs and also give myself space to heal and see what happens……..
    I still have hope that he will come back but if he doesn’t at least I gave myself that space to heal and forgive him.

    #446034 Reply



    If a man says he needs to break up with you, BELIEVE HIM. However, this means you are BROKEN UP. Do NOT wait for him Date other men (casually, of course, because your heart needs time to heal from the relationship that just ended). He does NOT have the right to break up with you and expect you to hold off other suitors until he is ready to pick you back up again. You are not a doll or a puppy!

    So. Take him at his word, let him know you are happy to remain friends, but a breakup is a breakup and you both need to respect the fact that the other is single. Then, go out and do your single-lady thing! Go out with your girlfriends for a night on the town, go on a casual date with an interested man, etc etc. And, as he is not your boyfriend, you do NOT owe him any explanations, either!

    #446050 Reply


    Thanks Snarkysab

    Your right…..no he didn’t tell me to wait for him…..I will do me and just see what happens. He said we could be friends but if I didn’t want to, he said he understood. He didn’t if use the word break up when he told me he just said he need time because of what I had mention to him about money and also because he was so close to becoming a police officer.

    #446058 Reply


    Lots of times when guys say they need space, they are really trying to get out of the relationship and just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I know your heart is breaking, but just try to hold your head up high and take care of yourself. Stop calling and texting him, as it is only making it worse and turning him farther away. I know you don’t want to let him go, but the only way that you stand a CHANCE of getting him back is to actually LET HIM GO. If he wants to be with you, he will return. But if not, you need to already be on your road to recovery and renewal.

    #446060 Reply


    This is an overreaction from him. Every couple has an argument once in a while although men hate them. Depends on how much this happened in your relationship. Sometimes they can make a relationship stronger. That has happened to me with my current boyfriend when we did not agree on something very important to me and since then he has been scared that I would leave him. I think if a man truly love you this is the normal reaction though my relation is relatively new and we have only once had an argument. If it happens a lot then they will feel it takes away from other areas of their lives.

    I think best would be if you ignored him, you would do yourself a favor if you went NC. Then he can rethink his actions and decide how important you were to him because now just keeps you hanging. He wants to keep the door open, tie you down while you are getting nothing, how is this fair to you? Go out meet other people, even if you cannot date right away do not wait around for him but act independent. Ignore him.

    #446077 Reply


    A minor argument that you apologized for wouldn’t make him react like this. There had to be something going on beforehand. A man who was truly committed to you wouldn’t let that little thing end things. He must have been feeling differently for you & used this as an excuse. Don’t feel bad because this is a common things guys do. Something similar has happened to me & I wish I knew in the past that guys use it as an out.. it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache! I also have a hunch that the REASON he wasn’t taking you out as much is BECAUSE his feelings for you changed & he is using this as a way to get out of the relationship & sorta twisting it around on you. I also think this because sure a guy might be a little annoyed & be distant for a couple days, that’s normal, but wouldn’t want to end things with you over it, ya know? Think of it this way: if a man can want to break up with you over you just wanting him to take you on dates, how committed really was he in the long term? guys who truly want to be with you won’t let you go, let alone for something like that. that should give you your answer. Stop talking to him no texts no calls.

    #446095 Reply


    Anytime a man wants to leave the relationship, let him go.

    If you were dating long enough, he should have used his time well to get to know who you are in terms of values, moral and personality.

    When he comes back and challenge you about the money issue, he had enlarged the issue out of portion. I understand you are attached. But in the future, try to look for who he is and what he believes. Is he smart enough to read people? If not, what do you expect him to read you? Don’t forget , majority of our communication is non verbal

    #446103 Reply


    Thanks so so much for all your advice ! :)

    Ok no friends and no contact then? It will be hard but yes I have do to me and learn how to forgive him and heal. I guess he couldn’t handle with all the stress was going through with his son and him being so close to his goal of becoming a police officer. Yes we would have disagreements and it didn’t seem he tolerated well. He didn’t want to fail he said like he had before in the past of not completing his career. I just feel if I ignore him or do no contact he will feel like I don’t care for him and of course althou we ain’t together and maybe we won’t get back together I still will care for him. He was just an amazing guy to me and treated me so well I just wouldn’t belive this would have happen.

    #446107 Reply


    I don’t really want to see him but I still have to go pick up things at his place and I have to give him his things back so how do i do that?

    #446123 Reply


    No he took me out but later there was a point where he had to fix his debts before he went through background to become a police officer I guess I pressured him too much so that’s why I feel like I was at fault because I should have understand he was going through money issues and I should have just supported him instead of throwing it at him.

    #446128 Reply


    Yes… Damage is done.

    His finance is not your issues, don’t take the blame.

    He could have done a better job at explaining.

    It takes two people to miscommunicate. Once you apologized, move on.

    He does not seem to be matured.

    #446129 Reply


    Hang on a minute, what was this argument about?

    I understand if you felt he wasn’t putting more into the relationship but you seem to imply you wanted him to do something that was impossible. ..i.e. take you out more when he couldn’t afford it?

    Am I reading this right?

    If so I’m sure he feels you don’t think he’s good enough for you. Who wants to feel like that? A silly argument isn’t something that makes someone feel like a failure. It’s no different to telling someone they’re not pretty enough or too fat. Once it’s out there it’s out there.

    It’s not a surprise he wants to focus on his career and making himself into someone others will judge with esteem.

    I’m sure this isn’t what yoy meant to happen. If you do love him, give him time and let him know you do appreciate him. He may be able to get over it. But really ask yourself if he’s really giving you what you want anyway. It doesn’t sound like he was.

    #446130 Reply


    Yea he wasn’t because I believe that it wasnt a concrete reason to break up. He said he didnt want to compare me but he said that past exs would not let him finish his goal and he wasn’t going to let that happen again although I always supported him in his career, I remember when he had his first test I actually went with him and waited four hours for him to be done. Yes it seem like he was acting twenty when he is double the age of that and I can’t believe he would have walked away without trying to fix it.

    #446154 Reply


    You did say though that this money issue has come up before? Maybe he just got to the point of thinking he could never make you happy?

    #446155 Reply


    No this money issue has not come up before but yes I started noticing that I would pay everytime we went out but he has mentioned to me he was going to be tight and when I brought it up is when he got hurt that I would bring money up like that …..so he couldn’t get over of what I said according to him but he also said he needed time because when we would he couldn’t have us having arguments while he was trying to pass all the requirements for the police academy.

    #446156 Reply


    But he took it the wrong as if money was a big issue I just told him I would like if he took me out more often even if was something inexpensive.

    #446158 Reply


    I apologized so many times and I told him I didn’t it in a bad way and that if he wanted we didn’t have to go out anywhere or do anything to proof to him that money was not an issue but not even then he wanted to fix it

    #747115 Reply


    Janet can you hear me? I was curious…what happened?

    #747135 Reply


    4 Year Old Post…

    #747349 Reply


    It doesn’t matter what a guy says to you. His actions speak volumes. He’s either not interested anymore, or he needs space and you’re not respecting his needs so his interest is diminishing. Have your own life! He will appreciate, respect, love you more. Love yourself first girl. Man comes second.

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